PaddockLad

Had a quick chat with Chi Onwurah at full time, she was stood with one if the most obsessive and frankly annoying NUFC supporters I've ever met, don't know if he's a Labour Party activist or not, if not she appeared to be there on her own. She said the atmosphere was better than at the conference. She came across as very nice and down to earth. We were shit. Possibly deserved a point, blatant pen when Shelvey was assaulted in the box. One glibly smug south coaster said he'd rather have three points in the premier league than the six we got off them in the championship. That might explain why they were acting like they'd won the fuckin champions league at full time

Again, Frankie Boyle... Theresa May imagined that she would be wielding a hundred seat majority like the One Ring; instead she merely persists, a kind of electoral skidmark. Where is David Cameron now? Probably with chaps from his year at school on an Arms Industry jolly, betting on which blindfolded tramp can successfully cross the surface of a frozen lake. George Osborne is now being called a “centrist”. Screwing over the disabled and hungry is considered a moderate standpoint these days. Presumably enforced sterilisation and labour camps is about to be rebranded as “cautious”. When other countries don’t like a politician they put them in prison; the only time our politicians go to prison is to visit their favourite prostitute and warn him that he's dead if he doesn't keep his mouth shut. May has surrounded herself with a cabinet whose physical forms seems to have been damaged in the journey from their own pitiless dimension. Where do you get an inner circle like that? Possibly a ‘Boys from Brazil’ style breeding program, which began in 1945 in Berlin when some Russian captain had the presence of mind to kick Hitler’s nuts out of the flames so he could use them to buy British citizenship. These people will all take to the stage at their conference in a couple of weeks, playing to an audience who look like they’ve wandered in to hide from the Ghostbusters, in a televised conference that is, ironically, only ever watched by people on benefits. Michael Gove will get to simper around conference as a minister, looking like he could be taken out with a handful of salt, the larval stage of something horrendous. Boris Johnson has managed to give the impression that if the Brexit deal isn’t to his liking, he might resign on principle. Boris and principle are incongruous terms, and the whole thing feels a bit like someone telling you they think their Alsatian has a strong sense of religious duty. Ken Clarke suggested that in normal times Johnson would have been sacked. As it is we’re just going to have to settle for him being incinerated in a thermonuclear war along with the rest of us. The Conservative party doesn’t really do principle, it’s more of a pitch by elite interests at what they think the public might buy. The thought must occur to them that even Boris is not cartoonish enough, that in these dumbed down times, where seeing tragedy on a west end stage probably means going to a Bee Gees musical, something even more basic might be required. Step forward Jacob Rees-Mogg, a composite figure drawn from the nightmares of 18th century millworkers. He looks like a Punch cartoon of the first giraffe in England, and maintains the general air of someone who has had a wank to the Book of Deuteronomy. It might be quite apposite for the present state of things to have Britain led by a man who looks like he’s slowly walking it to a graveyard. Rees-Mogg is the MP for NE Somerset (he got in on a platform of “Ooooooh, inne tall!?”) and belongs to a group of people for whom the phrase “Is the Pope Catholic?” is genuinely a matter for debate. Hats off to him for trying to bring religion into Conservatism, a movement largely based on coveting. His comments about abortion were probably fairly uncontroversial in elite Tory circles; rape and incest are the reason their family lines have made it this far. I mean if you want to live your life by the bible it’s quite clear that God didn’t want his son aborted, but you should be torturing your children to death around age thirty three. Which is why I’m increasing my air travel and water wastage. The Conservative Party represents the interests of Capital. In the Victorian period, Capital was a book by Karl Marx which explained that our way of life couldn’t continue. Today, Capital is a radio station where my daughter listens to Sean Paul songs interspersed with adverts for dog food, but in many ways the message remains the same. Tories are there to represent the interests of Capital to the electorate. The interests of Capital are completely at odds with those of the electorate, so conservatism is alive with internal contradictions. There's obviously a disconnect between avoiding inheritance tax and trashing the environment, for example. Equally, the Tories will have to combine pandering to anti-migrant hostility with the fact our economy’s fucked without them. No doubt Theresa May will find an elegant compromise. Perhaps having migrant workers spend the nights bobbing in the shallows, so they can shuffle up our beaches each morning before changing into dry work clothes that they keep buried among the dunes. The contradictions of our society are managed by having an elite class who have internalised them, often through attending public school and Oxbridge (Oxbridge is a compound term formed from the words obnoxious and privilege). What we often think of as the self belief instilled by an elite education is really a kind of class exceptionalism, a belief that privilege is earned through talent and hard work, against all of the available evidence. If you doubt this, simply ask even the most left-wing Oxbridge graduate what role they think their background played in their success. One of the problems with left-wing discourse in Britain is that it seeks to moralise to its opponents without ever considering what they really think. A corollary of having a Conservative Party dedicated to misrepresenting the world to its own electoral base is that they try not to be honest in public. So if you're trying to shame them about something like inequality, you should be aware that many of them think inequality is a good thing, that it provides strivers with both incentive and example. Moralising with such people is like giving your cancer a good telling off. So why am I moralising about them here? Well, partly because it’s raining and I have nothing better to do, but also because I think it’s important to understand the people who, very soon now, will be all that remains of humanity. Survival bunkers will be strictly for our elites. Done out like the inside of the Titanic, these heavily guarded bases will be the centre of efforts to repopulate the planet. That’s why wealthy older men have always been involved in the Miss World Pageant -they’ve been sourcing Grade A egg stock. While we’re watching irradiated skin layers tumbleweed down the road like somersaulting ghosts, they’ll be inside a hollow mountain, banging away on a mattress the size of the flight deck of the Ark Royal. The likes of Sepp Blatter and Richard Branson, bodies like wineskins, being repeatedly straddled by lobotomised beauty queens. As we mere citizens turn our lidless eyes to a charred pamphlet on how to fashion fall-out proof door seals from wet newspaper, our Overlords will be having a genetic contribution the consistency of Dairylea milked from them with a double-handed action more commonly associated with wringing out a wet flannel; Murdoch’s wrinkled comeface like a balloon you’d find in a dead pensioner’s flat. Excuse my venom but I hate it when you’re expecting an invite to something and it just doesn’t turn up.

@Howmanheyman Davey have you finished the extension? Am sure Mrs H won't mind, much, really... http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/newcastle-united-fans-original-turnstiles-13652115.amp

"Not my fault guv..."

Rafa seems to have improved the level of performance of most of the players since the start f the season. Possibly teams coming at us more in this division is giving us more space to attack in too,but the signs are most players are improved at least 10-15% on last season. After what could be described as a "summer of discontent" that is frankly phenomenal. And am off to Brighton next Sunday, with Monday off

"Tetraquiestra"

I saw a comment by a stoke fan in the week about Joselu missing chances v Swansea, and that being the sort of thing that encouraged Hughes to sell him..ho hum..

Whisky auction.com or something is what you need Rents....my mate has just sold a bottle of The MacAllan for two grand on it, his old man Ossie from Ryton (RIP) was a plasterer and was working at some big house 40 years ago or something when he came acros a load of this stuff in the cellar, Ossie and his mate sussed that it was worth a fair bit even back then, so the liberated a case or so, a lot of which was actually drunk by Ossie's mate's wife

Just used viagogo for the first time. Tickets for TheThe next June, only playing the Albert hall and Brixton the night after. If Matt Johnson announces a nationwide tour next week I think I might have a breakdown

I've lived in Poole for around 37 of my 48 years....basically spent the entire 80s in the foothills of the Cheviots with some sheep, my only salvation being visits to the smoke to see the likes of KK,Pedro,Gazza and Billy Whitehurst

I've never read that before. So I thought I would. https://www.spectator.co.uk/2016/06/the-day-i-stopped-believing-in-the-friendship-myth/ Don't know what to say

Indeed Tbf I was also born here. So back to your peat bog with you

Toby Young? Away and fuck yourself CT man There's now two food banks where I live in Poole . One of the wealthiest boroughs in Britain. Of course that proves nothing but neither does the smug propaganda the likes of Young turns out to reinforce the prejudices of the ignorant.

Grant Hart has died....its bloody strange how people you've never met can make you feel sad when you hear of their passing.. https://g.co/kgs/eosh4k

Saw this earlier...really liking our new sponsors

There's a theory that unlimited unskilled labour from the EU has kept wages low for native Brits. Anecdotally I think there's something in it, but not sure about the overall effect nationwide.

Dennis Skinner voted with the Tories last night, and cited our glorious leader (SD's main distribution warehouse is in Skinners constituency) as part of the reason...

How much do palace stand to lose if they get relegated? 50-100 mill? I imagine they're thinking about that and that alone and don't want an insurmountable gap to open up before the end of err, September

Morning.Leicester won the league playing like we did yesterday. Just saying

Agreed...

No, that's the sort of daftness that held Englands so called "golden generation" back, picking the 11 best players in the country with no thought of balance, square pegs in round holes. The likes of Thierry Henri and Gareth Bale started wide but ffs Ritchie is a long way off that level. Not denying it's a problem who to play with the central striker, but this isn't the solution for me either in the short or long term. Diame should start v Stoke instead of the frankly anonymous Perez. Failing that put Shelvey in there, it's a more natural position for him than Ritchie iyam.

you keep saying that about Ritchie, you and Gloom. It's the sort of shit we annihilated Pardew fior. Good win, massive improvement on the Huddesfield performance. Got to be happy with only 3 goals conceded in 4 games with 4 different back 4s. I never thought we'd look out of place in this league v anyone outside the top 6 despite the pigs ear of a transfer window.

Think he's good me like, shows spirit and leadership, he got back and took one for the team when Hayden was injured upfield then got right into the refs face for not stopping play.

Frankie Boyle... When I was a kid, Bank Holiday schedules leant heavily on the disaster movie. While today’s children snuggle up in front of stories of talking animals and plucky mermaids, we were left to make sense of hordes of screaming people being boiled alive or crushed by masonry as a result of arrogant cruise liner Captains and careless architects. And these were not like today’s disaster movies. It wasn’t an excuse for CGI tsunamis and meteor strikes, and we weren’t really hoping that the people would all survive. Indeed, the appeal was sort of that a group of people with pronounced character flaws would get the brutal death they so richly deserved, and the viewing experience was largely one of speculating about the order. Which brings us to Brexit. Who could be a more fitting choice to pilot this listing ship into shark infested waters than Theresa May? The Tories say “no deal” is better than a “bad deal”, and perhaps the same is also true of prime ministers. Aloof, vindictive, having lost the support of her crew and passengers, she’ll be gone by the first ad break. David Davis, a Chief Negotiator who looks like he’d end up paying full price on a DFS sofa, is another classic piece of casting; exactly the sort of scoffing, joshing presence that we can tolerate in a storyline because his awfulness makes it all the sweeter when steam from a burst pipe blasts him screaming into his constituent molecules. And then there’s the passengers. I think there’s a mistaken belief that Brexit supporters are naive and have been totally misled. To engage with them, it’s important to understand that they are reasonably clear about what they want, and what getting it might entail. In some ways, austerity may have trained people for Brexit. Hard to threaten people with low growth when that’s all they can remember. I think most Brexit voters understand that it will make travel much harder and don’t care. Just a casual observation based on the few Brexit voters I’ve met, but generally it seems like their xenophobia is stronger than their desire to trace Lord Byron’s footsteps to the Temple of Poseidon. We won’t get free healthcare in Europe. I imagine Bulgarian families are rejoicing that they can take their children to A&E without having to shield them from a scouser getting a stranger’s tongue piercing removed from their foreskin. Brexit has managed to get immigration down and exports up, admittedly by making the pound worthless. Unemployment is falling, as the amount of vacancies for hate crime advisors soar. Immigration was always going to go down after a Brexit vote: in much the same way that if you wanted to have fewer visitors you’d fill your front lawn with gnomes holding union jacks and a frothing bulldog. Perhaps this is a natural endpoint of individualism. With a philosophy where people are told that is their sense of self that is important, why wouldn’t they distrust experts, why wouldn’t they look inside themselves for guidance? When we look inside ourselves we tend to find not ideologies, but neuroses. Many people in Britain lately seem to have looked into their hearts and found little more than a dislike of hearing a conversation in another language, a hatred of women, and a gnawing fear that they’re being taken for a mug. Do you remember during the Edward Snowden revelations when the Head of the Cabinet Office went round to the Guardian’s offices and wanted them to smash their hard drives with a hammer? Because he didn’t really understand what data was. Similarly, we might not have a modern understanding of what sovereignty is. Perhaps a modern concept of sovereignty might involve owning the property in your capital city, or your own railway system. At the moment Britain is in a strange position where we seem to be sanguine about foreigners owning our infrastructure, we just don’t want them picking our fruit. The EU is flawed and problematic, and all those other words we use when we can’t be bothered explaining what is wrong. For a start, it’s deeply racist, and pretty much stops where the tan line becomes permanent. In fact, even that observation rests on the racist idea that EU countries are white monocultures. Fretting about our freedom of movement while thousands of people drown in the Mediterranean is racist. The rise of Brexit sentiment isn’t the rise of racism: to me it seems to be the swapping of a patrician, structural racism for a more volatile and demotic one. The pre-structural racism of a hideous new society. Of course, disaster movies were also marked out by moments of unexpected nobility, and sacrifice. So maybe this isn’t a very good metaphor after all. Maybe Brexit is just a little scene in a totally different disaster movie. It suppose it might be more like a brief cutaway to someone angrily trying to fish something out of a toaster with a knife, just before they disappear in the incendiary light of a nuclear explosion.

So who have been winning these A & P contracts of which you speak?...