OTF

Schar! Carroll assist (will they take that off him as well?).

I believe Lejeune is our best defender though he's having a bit of a shocker here.

He can't do two good things in a row; a good touch is followed by a poor one, if he gets into a scoring position he scuffs the shot or takes too long to take it. His hold up play isn't terrible but mostly he seems to just slow the play down. He is not handling the pace of the league at all IMO, seems far too casual and off the pace. I wish I could say something more positive from the great many games I've watched him play but there's not much to go off apart from a few good headed assists (or potential assists).

Can you imagine being Muto watching Joelinton playing week in week out.....

Yedlin's hair is outstanding. We've perked up a little thankfully.

Absolute tosh these clowns are talking. Saying that he's been a great manager at a number of clubs, and something about his tactical acumen.

After a reasonable start (few minutes) we've completely lost the plot, shape is all over the place.

He's set such a high standard for himself that if he takes a couple of touches without falling over he's doing well and if he puts a shot on target, no matter how slowly it's moving, he's playing out of his skin.

Great idea, they'd probably bottle it though.

Pfft. Dodgy free kick they got after a dodgy corner.

We're actually stringing a few passes together. It's disconcerting. Fix it up Steve.

Yeah, and that's why it's stupid that a player is penalised for staying on their feet.

The complete lack of intensity from him for the Rashford goal was embarrassing. Should be made to watch it over and again in front of his teammates whilst writing lines wearing a dunce cap. Then post it on the 'gram.

Joelinton hat trick?

Geez, terrible that. Writing was on the wall.

Yeah, scoring early has thrown off our game plan we're getting too high up the pitch and leaving space.

Geez, two very soft goals conceded. Marty must have had a big Christmas.

Dang, Dubravka rightfully won't be happy about letting that in.

Championship quality finish there from Gayle.... ...and then Matty Longstaff again!

Well that was a terrible game.

Geez, terrible miss for Gayle.

Nice bit of revenge from Andy Carroll. To be fair to him, had his eyes on the ball the whole time

Due to the nefarious origins of the thread poster, what became the original match thread has been unfrotunately destroyed. So that this important piece of the rich tapestry that forms our history is not lost to the annals of time I have elected myself as the chronicler, and will thusly record the thread as I recall it. Joelinton is shit. We too are mostly quite shit, but definitely nowhere near as shit as Joelinton. Can you believe we won despite our aforementioned shittiness? Oh shit is ASM seriously injured? Fuck. We'll be needing these points.

Bruce set piece special! Great hit Shelvey.

He's got the slowest feet of any Brazilian.... just doesn't seem a natural footballer.