OTF

Barely played the last few seasons though, so he's a spritely almost 33 year old.

He's far from a Real Madrid reject! Though of the major leagues it would be a coin flip between La Liga and Serie A for me as to which is most dissimilar to the Premier League.

Yeah I was mostly joking. One of my sons had it but was effectively asymptomatic, the other had symptoms for less than two days. I was the best at having symptoms in my house.

You lot must be cave dwelling hermits with no friends or close family.

As a country we have heard your suggestion and we reject it wholly. You'll be hearing from our lawyer. Cathword.

I don't think he gets that much criticism? Where are you hearing it? He's still a fantastic player even without his explosive pace. He's 37 but plays like he's 30. His wages would be insane, I'd hate it if we signed him. We don't need to raise our profile like that, we need to raise our football team which will raise our profile.

"All I know is that they can hold a roast chicken the next time I need to pretend that I missed a development that contradicts my previous tweets."

He was one of the greatest footballers of all time but seriously anyone interested in him now will be doing it almost entirely for the PR of it because it's quite clear that he's not a positive influence on the pitch.

What's not to like there? Get paid a shit ton to underachieve in an unbalanced misfit team of primadonnas.

Any inside knowledge or insight as to why he only signed for two seasons? I suspect probably as simple as his agent knowing it would speed up the time to his next slice of the pie (whether it be an extension or a move) and Barca being happy enough because there was no transfer fee.

If that's the case it's a very different story. I wouldn't have expected his wages to be that high at Barca. I doubt he's super keen to come back to the prem.

Would any lower ranked prem teams have room in their wage structure for him? He's reaching the stage of his career where he's not going to want to step down in wages and the reports on what he's on now have him on £230K a week..... Perhaps those reports aren't accurate.

Getting 30+ goals in the Carabao Cup would be some achievement. Settle those expectations.

Even more of a prick off the pitch than on it, which is quite the achievement.

He's also a little diving prick. We don't currently have anyone who is particularly good at doing that effectively. Sorry Maxi, I know you try.

Also, how convenient that after we ended our interest due to being stuffed about by his agent that he comes out publically declaring he wants to stay at the club. Trying to make it look like he turned us down. Good luck with that given the club was only too willing to sell you.

I'd have had any of those three here. I'd find it difficult to put a conclusive order of preference to them.

Dan Ashworth outsourcing the player aquisitions to playing staff #Delegation #Business

It's not that I don’t doubt your prowess or anything like that, but I'd love to see a video of you putting it up in 10-15 minutes. OK it is entirely me doubting your prowess. I'd also like to know how long it will take you to put it down, pack it up, and put it in the shed for its early retirement.

Clearing the rights with DC for his intro video.

A great signing for Nooncastle United

Is that the third shirt or the away?

I don’t have anything against him, but by the time the world cup rolls around he'll be 32. I don't really think he'd be a great fit into our side also, and would expect he's on big wages and will be wanting to keep it that way. Could be good for helping Botman to settle having another Dutchman about.

Too old. Though it would be nice to have a player who used Newcastle as a stepping stone to play for Newcastle.

New MLS experience? More like new golf courses and different coloured money.