McFaul

I was nee Jocky Wilson when I seen you! I'm no Aaron Lennon you know, my height sorts it out. I'll be fine with the gym and in slow motion me running won't seem like a moment from the credits of Baywatch. Nee tits nee good for a woman, certainly not the case with a bloke.

I'm so fat even the photograph would be heavy to send across the water.

Thanks Kitman and Gemmill. I last got weighed 6 weeks ago, as heavy as I've ever been 17st 4lbs. Since then I've done nothing but eat like a complete pig, worse than a pregnant woman. I'm guessing 18st. Whatever I am, I'll be 14st7 by the end of February when I'm sorting my charity game out with a load of mates. The sad thing about putting weight on though, your arse and legs get bigger, you belly goes out a bit, but it does nothing for the wee man down stairs in his Marks and Spencers briefs.

I have my last ever chemo for a week starting in 7 days. There's some people on the pitch they think its all over.... genuinely can't wait. I have some incredible gym work to do, but the fact it's all over for the near future is something is amazing for me. 12 months chemo, I wouldn't wish it on the biggest cunts in life or pathetic fannies from mackem accented Chester le Street. It's so difficult but as Elton John once said.....

He should've went down for the disgusting hiding he gave his wife.

Shut up you dour cunt. You're about as funny as a mass grave. The post below will be blah blah blah, "I'm realise I have few friends because I'm a cunt" etc....

Well Gazza is 100 times more famous than him and I spoke to him last night too. I couldn't give a fuck if they're famous, I'm famous with 2000 followers. I do autographs by post for non-regional fans. Anyway as I said to him it is absolutely NO SURPRISE Carlton Palmer got his England caps during the classic Graham Taylor reign. This was his best ever moment for me and it was on a football field.

I am truly staggered at @carltonpalmer3 's 40 odd tweets at me and this bloke. Last night I said fuck me its as bad an England team as the Geoff Thomas/Carlton Palmer era. He's been emotional ever fucking since!! He was shite and that's it.

I guarantee he knows Mecca better than the Leazes End and I'm not on aboot the bingo.

Haha England who have lost 6 games in 5 years. I wish we were more like Australia

Over the moon for you in the fact that it's gone. Whey no, half the teams in your group we'd get a game for, all you need to do is beat Jordan at home and that's that really.

haha well they believe in beer drinking in Jordan so fair play to them.

hehe Fancy losing 2-0 to a country named after an annoying plastic faced woman with plastic tits though.

I'm sorry to hear about your cancer like. Its nee picnic. I know as well as anyone. Your country are losing 1-0 to JORDAN in a crucial World Cup Qualifier by the way.

About the same amount as Ginola used to do.

Top scorer in Ligue Unnnnnnnn at the minute. Fair play to him, always liked him and with a decent manager has the world at his feet. With Pardew all you have is an arselicking porn watcher.

Just had a look at where you live on google earth. Allora, Queensland. Fuck me it's like where Mick Dundee was from that.

I was brought up to see the best in people in a Roman Catholic family. Even you come across as a canny lad....

10p in Morrisons.

A convict who was abusing LeazesMag. Must be someone else.

Are you Sean Coker?

Blatter sent doon, Platini disgraced? Freddy Shepherd for FIFA President.

Away to watch two shows today. The Krays and Everest. Anyone seen them? Any good?

It'll be 0-5 at Half Time and Mourinho will tell his players to take it easy second half like O'Leary did when we went down to 8 men against Villa. This is being optimistic.

I used to make out I was the loyal toon fan there is. I went to the toon v Oxford in 1991, huge boycott on 10,004 there, 10,003 without me. It was our shitest league gate of my toon supporting life. I obviously chucked my season ticket after 23 year in 2014 but I've not missed a game since December last year till last night. I'm delighted I didn't go and I'm not going on Saturday now. We are fucking shite, it'll be a long time till I go back. The whole persona of the club is fucked up beyond belief. Develop a good player, sell them for millions, well fuck off! Sign shite under 25s sell them for a profit. We're ran ragged by Sheffield Wednesday Reserves on our own ground with nearly 35000 there. I'm sick of being proud of our loyalty. We're laughed at from the whole country, the whole world. We should compete with almost anyone, and we can't fuckin compete with a team of reserves. I hate this club sometimes, Ashley can fuck right off with his I put the money up this time, it's been ruined for over half a decade the fat bastard. 35000. There's more than that won't go till he fucks off and I think I'm going to be one of them.