The Fish

Why aren't they just giving it to one of their first team coaches, while they search for the best possible candidate? The bloke is already on the wage bill, he'd already know the strengths and weaknesses of the team and he surely can't do much worse than Grayson did. They may even uncover a galvanising figure like Hughton. McCoist won't be cheap, neither would Coleman. Both will want to spend a bit of money that Sunderland don't have and both will be expensive to get shot of when it all inevitably goes wrong.

Michael O'Neil joins the long list of managers who've told them to fuck off

One does not simply walk into West Ürümqi.

You've not seen my beard.

Well, ok, but purely because it sounds mint in a Geordie accent. "... and that's why the excellent characterisation of Blade by Snipes was ruined by the poor direction, poor script and poor supporting actors." "Aye, whatever, pass us the taramasalata ye fuckin nerd!"

Don't worry, I'm bringing a carboot full of Marvel movies, Marvel comics and essays on comics to your house to show you why you're wrong. It should only take 7 or 8 hours, but I'm bringing my own projector and I'll grab some doritos on the way.

You two need this?

Desperate to be a "derby". The Middlesbrough of International Football.

I don't want you to come over anymore.

Blade is decent. Blade 2 has Bros Kudos. Blade 3 is an abomination, with or without Ry-Rey

Wanna come over and have a Marvel Movie Marathon? I'll make smores! Ahh, c'mon mate. I need this.

Perfect, cheers. You're now my best friend.

Speaking of Merson and Gascoigne. That drinking game they used to play where they'd get four of them together, and they'd all put a wad of cash on the table. then drink red wine and pop sleeping tablets, last one to fall asleep wins the money

as if I could be that concise.

W D L - GF - GA 1 2 3 - 5 - 11 Just how bad did you think our record was?

Which are you using? Mine is pretty much dead in the water. Be the wind in my sails Gemmill. Don't do it for me, do it for my lass.

You had three hours sunshine, more than most X-Factor winners.

I don't understand.

I am, sporadically. But I've not been able to bother my arse to do much about them at the mo.

Orrrrr a website told him

Fucking amateur hour this like.

Wouldn't be shocked to see Diame start at #10 to be honest. Bit more beef in the centre.

Manchester United 3-1 Newcastle United. Our first shellacking will come at Old Trafford. We're still without Merino, so we won't use the ball as well, on the rare occasions we actually see it. Benitez will likely stick with Joselu up front, but even if he does bring Mitrovic back into the fold I can't see any of our forwards getting much change out of Mourinho's back line. We'll revert to the 4-2-3-1 but we'll still lose the midfield battle. Especially as Pogba's supposed to be available again. Lascelles will enjoy the scrap with Lukaku, but the thought of Manquillo and Yedlin trying to stem their attacks from wide is a depressing one. Shelvey to grab a consolation from 35yds in the 85th minute.

I've a few Christmas traditions; I only wrap presents drunk, early on Christmas morning. Quietly telling my Dad that next year, if they want to get me anything (which they needn't), they should just get me one gift off my Amazon list or something. works out cheaper and makes more sense than the pile of stuff I don't want/need that will just take up space until I throw it out during a house move. My sister getting in a huff because no one wants to play a boardgame and me finding the whole awkwardness hilarious. Dad shooting me a entreating look after a racist elderly relative says something wildly offensive. Mam making more puddings than any one family could possibly get through. And offering cakes/biscuits/treats every half hour, like the feeder she is. The guilt trip just as I'm leaving because I don't visit enough.