The Fish

Is it shite, I'm driving responsibly and considerately. The lazy bellend sat in the middle lane, because overtaking is just too exhausting for the poor lamb, is at fault. I reckon it's the middle lane arseholes who're most at fault for congestion. And crashes. And Brexit.

You'd rather watch porn like a Member of Parliament and get caught?

Can't you just watch porn on your phone?

not yet

I'm not convinced shit drivers can unlearn all their bad habits, even for an hour. Failing to check their mirrors properly, failing to indicate, staying in the correct lane when going around the roundabout, reversing into a parking space properly, and so on.

If I'm driving in the left lane at 70, and some lazy bellend is in the middle lane doing 60 I could change lanes 4 times, of I could keep driving straight on. I'm not talking about abandoning the middle lane, you dolt, I mean cunts who site there for no reason.

You'd be given faults for failing to indicate, or failing to maintain a safe distance. Maybe even for poor lane discipline. So it might be because of a dickheadedness, but it's still an inability to drive. And the cost of passing a driving test wouldn't be £100, and successive high pass marks should lead to lower premiums (just as black boxes are being used for these days). That so many people are against it, just proves you're all bad drivers.

That's just pure laziness. Left lane is for normal driving, the other lanes are for overtaking. Lost count of the number of times I've undertaken someone doing 65 in the middle lane. Anyway, if you're doing 85, why aren't you constantly in the fast lane anyway? What kind of empty ass motorways do you drive down that you can do 80-85 in the middle lane? All the ones I've driven down have HGVs gradually passing each other for miles. and bellends pootling along in the middle lane because they can't be bothered to overtake then get back in lane.

Why not? Only reason I can think you'd be adverse to it is because you're a shit driver. I don't mean the written test and the maintenance and all that shit. But a straightforward test; Can you drive like an actual human being or are you an arsehole that sits in the middle lane, doesn't indicate (ever) and drives right up the jacksie of the car in front?

Spoilsport. Begs the question, why did he whip his strides off?

Think you should have to sit a test every 5 years. so many drivers pick up so many shitty habits. Sitting in the middle lane, for one, insta-ban for those bellends.

Well, glad that's cleared up.

Literally all of the characters annoyed me, the gags were signposted and shit. I could flesh the above sentence out for 50 pages if you like?

Wasn't there a mackem done for shitting on a grave? and one caught of video having a wee in the street then calling the lad with the camera a "black bastard"? but, sure, one of us sparks out a horse and we're the classless ones...

Shit, did I miss something, are we in the bottom 3? 3pts from safety? With nobody to come back into the squad from injury?

Me either.

Suggested watching that to the lass, she wanted to watch "a couple of episodes of Motherland" instead. Jesus. H. Christ.

Draw/frustrating narrow loss at home to Leicester 0-1pts Narrow Win/Draw win at home to Everton 1-4pts Shellacking at Arsenal 1-4pts Win at Moyes' West Ham 4-7pts Shellacking entertaining Man City 4-7pts Beat Brighton 7-10pts Beat Hughes' Stoke. 10-13pts

Off the top of my head; In isolation only the Watford game was a surprising disappointment. Bournemouth and Burnley were close games that could have gone either way, and the defeats against Chelsea and Man Utd were entirely predictable. They coincided with our thin squad being stretched and our performances should improve when Lascelles and Merino return to full fitness. Murphy has improved with each game and should provide competition when Atsu, Ritchie and Aarons are all fit ( )

... erm... in Rafa we trust? I guess...

BREAK OUT THE HATS THAT ARE MADE IN ECUADOR BUT WE CALL PANAMA HATS

Hope this isn't a Phil Brown tale.

Dingbats is easy mate, but my Dad would rather cheese grate his cock off, than play that game. Fucking hates it. Think it's a pavlovian reaction to playing it for hours cramped in a narrowboat on the macclesfield canal as it pissed down outside.

Monopoly is a sure fire way to family arguments. I prefer games where my towering intellect assures a victory. Like Trivial Pursuit, Mastermind or Pop-up Pirate.

He'd be up in the attic with me, talking shit, drinking whiskey and avoiding a game of fucking Dingbats.