The Fish

I'm relieved Amazon didn't get it. Imagine the amount of "delivery"-based puns the red tops would have forced down our throats.

Nope. My confidence that they'd stay up made sense at the time, but was fortunately written in such a way as to give me wiggle room should the prediction not come to pass. Thanks CT.

15 games to get around the 24pts that should deliver survival? When they've taken 28 games to get 26. It'll be tight because there's a few clubs (19th down) in trouble, but I have to say I think they're down now.

I think WBA will drop, as will Stoke. I think Lambert will fail to get the uptick req’d to get them out the bother and they’ve got a tough run in, with only 3 games against bottom half clubs, and only one of those at home (on the final day). Crystal Palace could well be dragged back in, their next 6 games are Spurs(h), Man Utd (h), Chelsea (a) Huddersfield (h), Liverpool (h), Bournemouth (a). and while they have a good manager and some game winners, they’ve a shocking injury crisis. Southampton have an awful run in. Only 3 home games, and one of those is against Chelsea. We’re not alone in targeting the 40pt mark, but what’s key for me is Goal Difference. Huddersfield and Stoke are so far adrift GD-wise, you may as well knock off another pt. Stoke basically need 4pts from every 3 games to get to 40pts. They’ve got the worst defences in the league, and while West Brom are keeping it comparatively tight at the back, only Swansea have scored fewer goals. See below ;

Allardyce is a fraud and a win against Crystal Palace doesn't change anything. He doesn't do anything but turn his new team into a mid-to-bottom club, that plays shit football and is filled to bursting with cloggers and cunts. @Happy Face might be able to help, but I'd love to see a snapshot of Everton's passing style for the first part of the season under Koeman, vs their style now. It currently looks like this; Team Cross pg Through Ball pg Long Balls pg Short Passes pg Total LB% SP% Burnley 18 0 79 276 373 21.18% 73.99% West Bromwich Albion 21 1 72 271 365 19.73% 74.25% Newcastle United 17 1 68 295 381 17.85% 77.43% West Ham 21 1 70 303 395 17.72% 76.71% Everton 16 1 73 322 412 17.72% 78.16% Brighton 19 1 76 333 429 17.72% 77.62% Stoke 17 1 67 297 382 17.54% 77.75% Leicester 17 1 70 325 413 16.95% 78.69% Huddersfield 20 1 69 327 417 16.55% 78.42% Crystal Palace 20 1 66 318 405 16.30% 78.52% Swansea 19 1 70 351 441 15.87% 79.59% Watford 19 1 64 360 444 14.41% 81.08% Bournemouth 18 1 61 365 445 13.71% 82.02% Southampton 22 2 66 416 506 13.04% 82.21% Manchester United 21 2 64 453 540 11.85% 83.89% Tottenham 22 2 67 503 594 11.28% 84.68% Liverpool 20 2 61 529 612 9.97% 86.44% Chelsea 21 2 58 511 592 9.80% 86.32% Arsenal 15 4 56 583 658 8.51% 88.60% Manchester City 19 3 46 684 752 6.12% 90.96% Last season it looked like this Team Cross pg Through Ball pg Long Balls pg Short Passes pg Total LB% SP% Burnley 17 1 85 250 353 24.08% 70.82% West Bromwich Albion 20 1 70 243 334 20.96% 72.75% Sunderland 16 1 69 260 346 19.94% 75.14% Leicester 19 1 75 289 384 19.53% 75.26% Crystal Palace 23 1 73 288 385 18.96% 74.81% Watford 18 1 71 304 394 18.02% 77.16% Middlesbrough 19 1 76 342 438 17.35% 78.08% West Ham 20 1 70 332 423 16.55% 78.49% Stoke 19 1 67 320 407 16.46% 78.62% Hull 20 1 71 344 436 16.28% 78.90% Everton 20 1 79 388 488 16.19% 79.51% Swansea 23 0 69 361 453 15.23% 79.69% Bournemouth 17 1 66 391 475 13.89% 82.32% Tottenham 20 1 72 464 557 12.93% 83.30% Southampton 25 2 62 421 510 12.16% 82.55% Manchester United 23 3 65 471 562 11.57% 83.81% Chelsea 18 3 63 470 554 11.37% 84.84% Liverpool 21 2 68 524 615 11.06% 85.20% Arsenal 18 3 53 515 589 9.00% 87.44% Manchester City 21 3 53 548 625 8.48% 87.68%

Nope. Thought they showed some spirit to come back from 3-0 down. Did I say "spend big" or he'd be mad not to try and bring in some quality? fwiw, just because you dullards think you're right, doesn't mean I'm going to change my opinion. Had Joselu put the penalty away nobody would have questioned it, and similarly had Perez or whomever stepped up and missed you'd all have been asking why Joselu wasn't taking it. You pack of reactionary arseholes

Around about the same time as we see young white men goose stepping, screaming their hatred and throwing nazi salutes about, it's probably wise to look at people in positions of authority who've decided it's a good idea to wear Nazi paraphernalia with a degree of suspicion. If you can't see that normalising the wearing of Nazi gear is a bad idea you should probably just step away from the internet as you're too stupid to enjoy that benefit.

Congrats on the new job. You've not been at the lower paid place long and they've not forked out of industry qualifications or owt have they? You owe them nothing man.

Apparently Slimani and Dubrovka will be fit to start (I'm assuming Kenedy is fine to start as well).

That review made me immediately think of Mumsnet. Loved Drive fwiw

Their squad is much better on paper. Don't fancy our fullbacks against Zaha and Beneteke can cause anyone problems on his day. Shame Slimani isn't fit, but Kenedy looked good against Burnley, so hopefully he'll open his account. Still reckon it'll be a frustrating loss though. 1-2 to the "BEST HOME SUPPORT IN THE LEAGUE" (tm)

Ah of course, everybody else has learned from the LuaLua debacle. Substitute Leicester for Everton or something then

Kenedy looked like he could be relied upon to supply some decent service. Is this some actual joined up thinking? Probably not. Much is being made of how few games he'll be available for us and it's hard not to be concerned. Can he (and the rest of them) deliver enough to keep us up this year? I mean, it's tight as a duck's arse at the bottom of the table, 5 points separating 10th-19th! There are currently 6 teams with worse Goal Difference than us, and 6 teams below us in the league. Hopefully Slimani will turn tricky fixtures like Bournemouth and Leicester away from probable losses into possible wins, and mean we've got a chance against teams in the top half. Games where we get only a couple of chances and need to rely on our striker having the ability to do his job, rather than just seeming like a nice bloke who tries hard. Slimani and Kenedy might provide that bit of quality we've been lacking, turning frustrating draws and exasperating losses into wins. Still 65% convinced we're down, like.

I've been banging that drum for ages, but was told that Mitrovic is shitter even than Joselu

Says who?

Think most people would give their striker a shot of scoring from the spot unless he'd consistently failed from previous penalties.

Looking back on it, yeah I think I would.

Hindsight, I reckon.

You wouldn't have said that before the game though, you'd have given Joselu the chance. Hopefully Slimani will complete the medical without a hitch and score the future penalties we're not awarded.

I was thinking that, but who else would you have picked to take it? Kenedy?

He does stuff with Angelos Epithemiou http://www.barryfromwatford.co.uk/

I've been mucking about trying to get a table that calls a number from a separate table based on two criteria. I'm convinced I need a nested vlookup, but I can't get it to return what I'm after. Basically I want LEAGUE POSITION returned based on YEAR and MANAGER. I've a table (CLF) with the club's league finish, and the year and the manager. And I've another table with transfers and stuff including manager a year. I want the Transfer table to have the league position. So for every instance of Sam Allardyce in 2008 should return "11". In my mind I want =vlookup(vlookup(manager, Transfer table, year, false),CLF,lg position, false).. but that's clearly wrong. Would it be easier if I concatenate a column with "Sam Allardyce 2008", and vlookup off that one column?

I'd rather just keep using the pc, but I've 2 issues; My mates mostly have PS4s and sub-par PCs My lass likes to watch tv on the big screen.

so... where do we stand on Ark Evolved? (If I sort my life out in time I might have a PS4 and you could embarrass me on other games, if you like.

Ark is multiplayer.