The Fish

Win the Euros tonight, buy the mackems, sell off the squad, knock down the ground and the training facilities to put up some student flats. It'd be a kindness. Then they can start up AFC Sunderland or whatever, with all their favourite bits of Sunderland AFC, but none of the bad. Just like Rangers have managed. And you'd still have £100m to spend.

Who are they?

To be honest, their idea of "kicking on" seems significantly different to ours. A season in the top flight without miraculously surviving by the skin of their teeth would be "kicking on" for them and you'd fancy Allardyce would have managed that race to mediocrity. Even on their meagre budget. Staggers me there hasn't been a mass protest against the owner. The sum of their discontent seems to be a few angry swears at whoever is current sap in the dugout and empty seats. There've been threads meekly suggesting something; a banner, or a march or whatever, and they've been met with an insistence that those protests wouldn't do anything and they instead need to get behind the team now more than ever. Some even saying they shouldn't stoop to our level. As if meekly turning up (or staying away) is somehow more respectable than an organised demonstration of displeasure.

Surely the big earners would rather move for new contracts at a different Championship club on less money than face at least 1 season playing on a bog in front of 5k at Southend and Fleetwood? Even if it's for less money than they're on now? At least it might give them an opportunity to get a better deal again in a years time?

They've got a shitty run of fixtures too. Away to relegation rivals Bolton, then the Tees Wear "derby", away to Millwall which is never easy, home to promotion chasing Villa... Ending the season with Wolves and Fulham who're the highest scoring teams in the division. And every team (even the relegation rivals) will view them as an opportunity to get all three points, home or away.

Not sure any of their players are worth £10m, and certainly won't be should they be relegated once more. NDong's loan to Watford apparently has an option to buy, but he's yet to feature for them at all and I'd be surprised if he commands £10m. Borini's fee is reported to be about £5m, Khazri's is about the same, I'd be shocked if Djilobodji could attracts bids of more than £5m. Kone's stock will have dropped as well. Say they did get £30m* would that be enough to; service their debt, cover running costs and build a team good enough to get promoted into the Championship at the first time of asking? *figure picked out of the clear blue

I was looking to see if the Stadium of light be the biggest stadium ever to be the permanent home of a League one side? It's comfortably the largest in the Championship and would be c20k larger than the largest currently hosting 3rd tier games. They're averaging gates of 27k in the Championship and you'd imagine they'd lose at least another c5k or so if they drop again. And given the loss of tv money, the last year of parachute payments, the gross wage bill and the debt they're in, the drop in gate receipts could have lasting impact on the club. The only future I see for them in the short term is a spartan period of austerity and "consolidation". Their external debt is sizeable, would the lenders take the stadium as payment? Would they see something akin to the turmoil that Coventry City have endured over the Ricoh Arena? I know we've got our problems, and our Premier League future is in no way guaranteed, but this is another year where I thank Christ we're not them. Even when we got relegated we had cause to be optimistic, they haven't had that. We had one of the most trophied managers around guiding us back to the Premier League at the first time of asking no muss, no fuss. One who was able to replace the mercenaries and wantaways with more than 10 new players for the first team and squad... Short apparently would have kept Moyes on had he not demanded enough money to overhaul the squad, then they got rejected by McInnes who also thought the club needed more money than was offered, and the same for O'Neill, then the uninspiring appointment of Grayson and little investment in the squad, then Coleman and fuck all spent again. We had a lovely spa getaway in the Championship, smashing teams about 6-0. They're getting smashed by teams like Cardiff and Ipswich... It'd be funny enough if it was any other "big club", but because it's affecting the fans who delighted in our relegation, who told us Benitez would leave, when he stayed that he couldn't cut it in the Championship, that he'd bought shit, that he'd bought the league, that Leeds/Reading/Huddersfield/Fulham would catch us, that winning it doesn't matter because it's a joke league anyway,... it's hilarious.

No. Good chat.

Surprised at just how poorly Darlow and Elliot fare in those charts. 'Keeper wasn't a position any of us really identified as a weakness, but it looks fairly clear it should have been. I mean, Benitez spotted it, but he's a top class manager and it's his job. Have our standards dropped so low that we're overrating two poor 'keepers? Or is the above analysis doing them a disservice?

Aye I’m basically banking on the 3 new players being the difference in tight games; Either Slimani and Kenedy providing goals or Dubravka preventing them. I’m not expecting Dubravka to play like he did on his debut in every game, but he shouldn’t need to. I’m expecting Kenedy to continue to impress and look dangerous. And yes, I’m expecting Slimani to hit the ground running, although that’s probably the least likely. To to be honest, it’s likely that it won’t need 40pts to survive, but I think it’s an achievable target.

Getting away from the fact I put some effort into the presentation of my thoughts, what’s your take on the substance of the post?

Venn diagram. Obvs

You lot are coming dangerously close to J69 territory here.

Emails to mates.

Need 4 wins from 11 to get to the magical 40pt mark. If you sack off the games against the "big clubs", it still leaves us with 7 games against sides in trouble to get the job done. And we're only behind Brighton in the mini league of the bottom-vs-bottom. I reckon it'll go something like this; Bournemouth a 3 31 Liverpool a 0 31 Southampton h 3 34 Spurs a 0 34 Huddersfield h 3 37 Leicester a 1 38 Arsenal h 0 38 Everton a 1 39 WBA h 3 43 Watford a 1 44 Chelsea h 0 44

I'm relieved Amazon didn't get it. Imagine the amount of "delivery"-based puns the red tops would have forced down our throats.

Nope. My confidence that they'd stay up made sense at the time, but was fortunately written in such a way as to give me wiggle room should the prediction not come to pass. Thanks CT.

15 games to get around the 24pts that should deliver survival? When they've taken 28 games to get 26. It'll be tight because there's a few clubs (19th down) in trouble, but I have to say I think they're down now.

I think WBA will drop, as will Stoke. I think Lambert will fail to get the uptick req’d to get them out the bother and they’ve got a tough run in, with only 3 games against bottom half clubs, and only one of those at home (on the final day). Crystal Palace could well be dragged back in, their next 6 games are Spurs(h), Man Utd (h), Chelsea (a) Huddersfield (h), Liverpool (h), Bournemouth (a). and while they have a good manager and some game winners, they’ve a shocking injury crisis. Southampton have an awful run in. Only 3 home games, and one of those is against Chelsea. We’re not alone in targeting the 40pt mark, but what’s key for me is Goal Difference. Huddersfield and Stoke are so far adrift GD-wise, you may as well knock off another pt. Stoke basically need 4pts from every 3 games to get to 40pts. They’ve got the worst defences in the league, and while West Brom are keeping it comparatively tight at the back, only Swansea have scored fewer goals. See below ;

Allardyce is a fraud and a win against Crystal Palace doesn't change anything. He doesn't do anything but turn his new team into a mid-to-bottom club, that plays shit football and is filled to bursting with cloggers and cunts. @Happy Face might be able to help, but I'd love to see a snapshot of Everton's passing style for the first part of the season under Koeman, vs their style now. It currently looks like this; Team Cross pg Through Ball pg Long Balls pg Short Passes pg Total LB% SP% Burnley 18 0 79 276 373 21.18% 73.99% West Bromwich Albion 21 1 72 271 365 19.73% 74.25% Newcastle United 17 1 68 295 381 17.85% 77.43% West Ham 21 1 70 303 395 17.72% 76.71% Everton 16 1 73 322 412 17.72% 78.16% Brighton 19 1 76 333 429 17.72% 77.62% Stoke 17 1 67 297 382 17.54% 77.75% Leicester 17 1 70 325 413 16.95% 78.69% Huddersfield 20 1 69 327 417 16.55% 78.42% Crystal Palace 20 1 66 318 405 16.30% 78.52% Swansea 19 1 70 351 441 15.87% 79.59% Watford 19 1 64 360 444 14.41% 81.08% Bournemouth 18 1 61 365 445 13.71% 82.02% Southampton 22 2 66 416 506 13.04% 82.21% Manchester United 21 2 64 453 540 11.85% 83.89% Tottenham 22 2 67 503 594 11.28% 84.68% Liverpool 20 2 61 529 612 9.97% 86.44% Chelsea 21 2 58 511 592 9.80% 86.32% Arsenal 15 4 56 583 658 8.51% 88.60% Manchester City 19 3 46 684 752 6.12% 90.96% Last season it looked like this Team Cross pg Through Ball pg Long Balls pg Short Passes pg Total LB% SP% Burnley 17 1 85 250 353 24.08% 70.82% West Bromwich Albion 20 1 70 243 334 20.96% 72.75% Sunderland 16 1 69 260 346 19.94% 75.14% Leicester 19 1 75 289 384 19.53% 75.26% Crystal Palace 23 1 73 288 385 18.96% 74.81% Watford 18 1 71 304 394 18.02% 77.16% Middlesbrough 19 1 76 342 438 17.35% 78.08% West Ham 20 1 70 332 423 16.55% 78.49% Stoke 19 1 67 320 407 16.46% 78.62% Hull 20 1 71 344 436 16.28% 78.90% Everton 20 1 79 388 488 16.19% 79.51% Swansea 23 0 69 361 453 15.23% 79.69% Bournemouth 17 1 66 391 475 13.89% 82.32% Tottenham 20 1 72 464 557 12.93% 83.30% Southampton 25 2 62 421 510 12.16% 82.55% Manchester United 23 3 65 471 562 11.57% 83.81% Chelsea 18 3 63 470 554 11.37% 84.84% Liverpool 21 2 68 524 615 11.06% 85.20% Arsenal 18 3 53 515 589 9.00% 87.44% Manchester City 21 3 53 548 625 8.48% 87.68%

Nope. Thought they showed some spirit to come back from 3-0 down. Did I say "spend big" or he'd be mad not to try and bring in some quality? fwiw, just because you dullards think you're right, doesn't mean I'm going to change my opinion. Had Joselu put the penalty away nobody would have questioned it, and similarly had Perez or whomever stepped up and missed you'd all have been asking why Joselu wasn't taking it. You pack of reactionary arseholes

Around about the same time as we see young white men goose stepping, screaming their hatred and throwing nazi salutes about, it's probably wise to look at people in positions of authority who've decided it's a good idea to wear Nazi paraphernalia with a degree of suspicion. If you can't see that normalising the wearing of Nazi gear is a bad idea you should probably just step away from the internet as you're too stupid to enjoy that benefit.

Congrats on the new job. You've not been at the lower paid place long and they've not forked out of industry qualifications or owt have they? You owe them nothing man.

Apparently Slimani and Dubrovka will be fit to start (I'm assuming Kenedy is fine to start as well).

That review made me immediately think of Mumsnet. Loved Drive fwiw