The Fish

No plans to burden the world any more, this one's enough at the minute.

Sounds like a shitcunt.

What breed is it? Im gonna predict French Bulldog, Pug, or some such bullshit breed.

Aye he's 3 months now, so way more personality, which makes dealing with his shit much more bearable Not yet, but he has projectile pooed across the room, splashing his unused teddy bears in shit.

You'd expect 4pts from those 4 fixtures in most seasons under Ashley, just not the way they came. definitely unlucky not to get all 3. Was the tackle on Hayden not a penalty? Looked it to me. Almiron needs one to go in off his arse, Joelinton looks decent. I just don't really care enough any more to write my usual three page essay.

Been in hospital, it turns out your shit craic gave me AIDS.

Could have done with Villa and Palace sharing the points, but that was never a dive (despite his post-contact theatrics). Of course the PGMOL won't accept criticism of the officials, or the implementation of this iteration of VAR.

Busy at work, busy looking after my new son.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Well, people will always find something to moan about, so there's that. But offside should get back to its original purview; preventing attackers gaining an unfair advantage. With the tracking sensors that players wear, it should be possible to accurately state if they're wholly ahead of the defenders.

I don't know where to start with this. Perhaps getting his name right?

Think the introduction of VAR has been bungled. Offside should have been binary and obvious (I'm not having 3cms as "offside"), and this handball law is horseshit.

They're years from a return to the top flight. Likely only play them in the FA Tinpot or the Women's league for ages. Could be a generation of talented kids from the region available to the only show in town, if only we'd invested in the academy.

Called it to be fair

Forget about driving in central London, it's a nightmareish hellscape. Think Deathrace, Carmageddon and Mad Max, but more bleak.

Still a better football chant than the OP

Aye, Mrs Fish is still struggling. Just getting a 10lb baby into the carseat (+ however much that weighs)and into the car is a killer when I'm not around. We'd just leave it the car, but we've a mate who did that overnight and someone stole the car, had a joyride, set it on fire and nicked all the baby stuff was nicked or ruined and not covered by the insurance. So of course that's put the fear in her hormone addled mind that it's guaranteed to happen to us. Had to laugh when, just hours after the little fella was born, wife exhausted and post major-abdominal surgery the midwife came round to talk about contraception... I reckon that screaming monster in the cot is mood killer enough

Joking aside, I've no idea how single mums do this. Especially if they've needed a c-section.

Given our current situation, I suppose it kind of makes sense, no fee, modest wages for an experienced Premier League striker. There's no way it should have happened though, if we'd kept Benitez the window would have looked very different imo.

Could be worse, there's a South African princess-typefrom the Antenatal group who insists she and her husband do everything together. She doesn't put their kid down either, so he's getting fuck all sleep, then going to work, going home for lunch etc. She's a fucking nightmare .

What the asscrack are you two on aboot?

Her rules.

Worked out a pattern, so I have him from 20:00 to midnight, then fuck off to the spare room for 5-6 hours sleep before going to work. Feel bad for Mrs Fish last night because he slept peacefully for most of my shit, woke up angry about five past midnight, strained, had a massive shit and apparently have been fussy all morning

I assume it's ok, I doubt I'll ever be allowed near it again.