The Fish

Involvement in so much as they've bought into something alongside the other fans. Kind of like all chipping in a quid to the office lottery group. You've still got fuck all chance of winning, but it is supposed to promote camaraderie... or something.

I don't think the test will ever be an issue. New owners can just pay lip service (as Ashley has done with those Fans forum charades) and appear engaged. I suppose what it does do is promote a sense of involvement for the pledging fans, and at the very least there'll be a decent donation to a local charity.

How tall are you? Just working out which one's which

Woah, Woah woah, I'm not taking that shit from the quinoa kid!

Probably all the embezzling, fraud and inciting hatred. Shame it's not for being a cunt, because that would set a handy precedent for getting rid of a few more contrary bellends I can think of.

Is incontinence a side effect of your robo-heart?

You heard that if you crush/slice garlic and leave it out for a bit, it gets a stronger, fuller flavour?

Vaguely aware that there's a warrant out for SYL's arrest 'because he went on the podcast'. Any idea what's going on there?

When everybody is fully fit, I'm not sure if we can play the same system. Wingbacks and ASM means, whatever flank he's on will be exposed and the WB will find himself overrun a lot. He isn't as effective when played centrally, nor when he plays off the striker, so the 5-3-2 wouldn't work well. If we can maintain the same work ethic and positivity in our play, we could play a 5-4-1 but that would mean dropping Joelinton after the best game of his Newcastle career. We could try a 5-1-3-1 but without Hayden we don't have an out and out defensive midfielder, and again whichever flank ASM is on would be more exposed. Personally, I'd keep exactly the same formation, swap out Krafth for a lump of coal (or Manquillo if the CBs aren't fit). Only introduce ASM for the last 30 minutes or so. Same for Wilson. Burnley is our best chance for 3 points for a while, but I'd rather Wilson and ASM were closer to fully fit when we play the better teams, in case we meet a big team on a bad day.

Wouldn't be surprised if he's got it into his head that we need 1pt a game, so sets us up more positively against the big boys and not-to-lose against the teams in the relegation mix.

I've seen written worse.

To be honest, we've met some 'big teams' on bad days and failed to capitalise throughout Bruce's reign of error. I know it ended as a humping, but that Man Utd game, they were there for the taking, but we dithered about timidly until they woke up. Spurs were all at sea at the back, Murphy had their lad on toast and we should have won it were it not for 2 easily avoidable goals in the space of, what, 5 minutes? Beggars belief how terrible we are defensively. If Bruce is given a new contract because we stayed up, Ashley's wife should be after Power of Attorney sharpish, because Ashley's clearly lost his mind.

Yeah, I don't mind if Benitez was using us to land himself a better job, or fluff his ego, or fatten his bank balance; we were benefiting from it. Newcastle is reportedly Bruce's dream job because he's a fan, and it's ironic that we as Newcastle fans are derided for being deluded, when in reality the only Newcastle fan deluded about what we (he) can achieve is the fucking manager.

From where RB left us, to where we are now. Haven't seen a bigger decline since Souness took over from Robson (sorry Gemmil).

Michaelangelo is quoted as saying "I madea de willie smalla. Life size, woulda haffbeen too beeg fora Uffizi!'

No it, literally, doesn't. That's why they call it a tomato base/sauce, rather than ketchup. It doesn't have vinegar, or half the sugar for a start.

Sacrifice nothing.

That's going to confuse Gemmil. It's where he gets his entirely undeserved sense of self worth from.

You're not honestly trying to convince me that a scotch bonnet ketchup is the same as the tomato base on pizzas? Jesus, this si the pizzas are just cheese on toast thing again. Honestly, you're a barbarian.

They look very good indeed. Cheaper than a fucking Dominoes as well

What's snobby about Heinz?

It's ketchup, with scotch bonnets in it, you bloody savage. Might as well spread some Heinz spaghetti hoops on a stottie and call that a fucking pizza.

Probably the same main ingredient from a homemade Bloody Mary, but I'm not sloshing that on a pizza base and calling it anything but a clusterfuck.

#TravelDave #GoodDealDave #DeadRomanticDave

What the fuck? Couldn't find tomatoes, used chilli pepper ketchup instead. Then I couldn't find pizza base, so just used a folded up Ikea bag. And then I couldn't find cheese, so I just jizzed on the top. Jesus Christ, I might have to phone the Italian embassy to apologise. Honestly, if you need heat, there's bound tobe a place that does Nduja and gorgonzola, or wild boar and green chillis, or something.