The Fish

Thing I enjoy the most is that Pickford averages out as a decent PL 'keeper in 36 games, but he is, without fail, atrocious whenever he faces us. Also, the crowd would have stopped, or lessened, the abuse he gets on Match Day if it didn't work. But every fixture you can see the veins popping out on his temple and he sharp flaps one into the net. Think we'd all enjoy a video montage of the goals we've scored past him, if anyone has the time. Set to the Jurassic Park theme played on Melodica

My three guesses; Nigel Fulchester Barry Gulthwaite Jordin (sic) Nyall (sic) Paulo (sic) Philipps (sic)

This is some logic mind. People 5 minutes from your stadium support another city's team ahead of yours, is somehow proof you've got impressive support.

It was on a white background, like you'd put the first draft on word, then copied across failing to 'paste as plain text' like a pro would.

I'd have Pep, or Klopp, or Simeone, or... Howe's good, but even with mint players, he's not l33t

Formatting issues aside, I'm going to disrespectfully tell you you're wrong. Howe has dramatically improved the performances of the team and improvedbrought on players like Shelvey, Willock, .. fuck it I'm not listing them all as it's hard to think of a player who hasn't improved under Eddie's shepherding. That said, Keegan was the catalyst, he got the club in a headlock and demanded we got better. He cajoled and lied and inspired and delivered the kind of rise from calamity that just won't happen at any other club again. Eddie isn't doing that, he's 'just' doing his job. It's way better than Bruce, but I don't see Howe as the transformative figure, just an agent of that change. I think we're arguing over semantics, which I'm extremely fond of doing.

I don't know what you mean

You lot are fucking hilarious man. A month ago most of you were needing to sleep with snorkels, so wet was your bed. Now you're queueing up to tuck in the manager under your crisp dry sheets? He's doing ok, but lets be honest, if we stay up the owners may feel a change is needed to kick on further. He's a decent manager who just so happens to have got the job at the same time as we became the richest club on the planet, and it doesn't hurt that he took the reins off a someone with as much charm and tactical ability as smegma. I like Howe, but he's not a Keegan-type manager at all. Howe isn't the driving force behind the rejuvenated Newcastle.

He only made 11-12 passes, about half that the other midfielders managed. That's not a criticism, just putting the 100% into a bit of context.

Speaks well of us, now that he's retired.

I wonder if Ferguson's respect for us (on the whole) plays a part?

I like Mitrovic. In the same way I like my mate's dog. He's carnage and mental, but I'm fucking glad I don't have to clean up after him.

Arseholes are reporting Trippier has a broken metatarsal.

He creates more shooting chances than anyone else on the team, despite his greediness.

He was shite, he took a decent midtable side and turned it into relegation survivalists, the same as he's done everywhere he's been post-Bolton. Being better than McClaren or Carver isn't good enough to avoid my ire.

You're right, it's Chris Wood. And he does put in crosses, more than literally everybody else on the team. But is that good enough for scoobos? NOOoOOOooooOOooOOooOOoooo

Cool, further proof that expecting him to do the defensive work, dribble past the world, then square it to fucking Joelinton, is mental.

Aye but there was that time around 90 minutes when we were 3-1 up and taking the piss, where he danced past a couple of defenders in the box, wriggled to make room then took a shot when Bruno was free, so... y'know, not a team player or something. God you people make me infuriated! We bought him when we were shite, he's not going to be the complete package, if he was he wouldn't have signed for us.

Oh, Craig.

The fuck did I do? Also, I'm svelte now.

What happened to you? Why do you hate fun? I don't think that's fair. He's mint on the ball, has scored a few and all that. He backs himself to score more than passing to Joelinton, and with good reason. He's created twice as many chances for other teammates than anyone else. Ritchie is second and Joelinton is 3rd. Personally, I think that because he's very good, there's an expectation that he will be consistently very good. Just like the fans got on Robert's back because he wasn't blammering them in from 40yds every game.

What League are Burton Albion in these days?

In terms of our style of play, I think it's fair to say we're currently a counter-attacking side. However, I think the signings we made suggest Howe wants to evolve into a team more comfortable on the ball.

"If anyone wants to support them, they can fuck off" Well, yes, they will. That's kind of the point.

I don't remember that at all. But it 100% was.