The Fish

I like it.

Yes they do, and yes they do. I'm a comparative moron and I can knock up a serviceable model to account for both of those things.

fwiw, I agree that there's a tiny chance of us going down, so tiny it's basically smaller than CT's button mushroom on a cold day. That said, your PpG forecast model doesn't account for the strength of opposition that each club faces. It reduces every game to a league average. There are some games that are all but unwinnable for the teams down there, (away to Chelsea, Liverpool or Man city e.g.). Also, Everton are more likely to beat Leeds at Goodison than they are Watford, due to their respective strength on the road. Also, Watford have actually only conceded 21 goals on the road, 1 fewer than Man Utd, yet have won 8 fewer points. How does your model handle that shit? huh? So, in your next draft, please weight the strengths of each team before forecasting. Ta

Yeah people are digging out Burn or ASM, it's reductive and fails to take into account there was an entire game played where numerous mistakes or bad decisions were made by the whole team. We didn't lose that game because Burn was turned in the 103rd minute, or ASM was shoved off the ball. It was because we didn't create sufficient good chances, or take the half chances that fell our way. That's partly a lack of quality, partly a failure to manage the game as well as we have done before. I remember Robert being singled out, or Ben Arfa. It's often those that have the talent to occasionally win the game on their own who are blamed when they don't do it to dig the team out of a hole. I mean, fair enough to blame a defender who has a mare, or a keeper who flaps, but saying ASM lost us the game because he was arguably fouled, or because he didn't pass after beating 2 or 3 is a joke. Even if he did pick out a player, who was in the box? Joelinton? Wood? Murphy? Hardly a list of predatory finishers, is it? Easier to find a scapegoat than work out the more complex issues that lead to a loss.

Should I get a Playstation or an Xbox lads? Guide me. Seems I can get an Xbox S for £250, or a Playstation5 for £450?

Well hot damn, WOOOO, I tell you whut, that is exhibit A in the case for denying visiting rights.

Leave her? I'm worried this is the ground work for an alibi

They might not have deserved to lose, but they definitely didn't deserve to win. We didn't either, mind you. Wood, Krafth and Willock were poor, imo. Wood wasn't getting the better of Keane often and when he did, the rest of the attacking unit were too far away from him to take advantage. But then Howe didn't instruct the team to play further up so that Almiron, Fraser, Willock could get onto some of Bruno's passes. Wonder if we'd have been better off with Wilock ahead of a double pivot in Longstaff and Bruno? Didn't really understand the like for like replacements either. Instead of JM<>EK, MA<>ASM and JM<>RF , why not remove Willock or Joelinton for Gayle? Or, when they went a man down, bring on ASM for Krafth and go 3 at the back? If our missing players had managed a 7/10 performance we'd have won that game, but when their inadequate replacements have a 7/10 game, we're fucked. Negativity aside, that was our 4th away game in 12 days. We were missing several of our most important players from the starting line-up. We were the better side, but just lacked a bit of luck/quality in front of goal. Plus, it was a fucking weird game.

What can you do? Sex sells.

Rumours that Begovic will start tonight for them. Which is hilarious, England's No1 has been taken out of the game because he loses his head whenever he faces us.

This idea that people giving their opinion on youtube, (or their own site once youtube kicks them off) are somehow less biased, and more informed than 'mainstream' media... it baffles me. This idea that layman will be more informed on the complexities of virology, epidemiology, foreign trade, domestic trade because they've smashed their trotters into google and got the answers they want from ULTRANEWSMAX, baffles me. Older members might be able to confirm, but it feels to me that it's become way more easy for gobshites to claim authority than it once was. Fuck me, I was a gobshite on loads of serious topics when I was a kid, just look back at some of the bollocks I put on here. I had no idea their was a lucrative career to be had from it.

Is Joelinton fit?

I hope the staff mutiny, go full Black Sails and roam the channel boarding other ferries and burying their duty-free loot on Sark.

Expected Beeeewwwwwws?

I think it's a group of people who believe having an opinion trumps having actual expertise/insight.

Always think that question gets a visceral response but if the respondents were forced to actually consider it they'd change their mind.

Yours has been the most dramatic turnaround. You were all but convinced we were down, would be facing a winding up order, and would have to ground share with Sunderland. Now, you're cock a hoop.

Alongside Matty Longstaff

The Search function you fucking luddite.

I'm not entirely comfortable with the amount of optimism and positivity on here. I kind of enjoyed my niche as the lone voice of hope, trying to be heard above the cacophony of gloom. Now you're all chipper and it's... disquieting.

"scientifically tuned, as if they were real musical instruments"

Strong Real Housewives of Chigwell vibes. Lots of shouting over each other, nobody finishing a point. If he wants some podcast tips, tell him to hit me up.

If we can get some of Jonjo-JoeJo back on the pitch and ASM gets more than a cameo, I'd fancy us to pour more misery on them. I hope that after the game Lampard can't even muster the Jokeyjokey answer, before he gives his 'no but seriously' bit.

Loads of those books are filled with jokes that are lifted straight from comedians on twitter without crediting them. Is this book one of those books? Cos if it is, you're not allowed to enjoy it.