The Fish

We’d be right. Basically, Everton need 2 wins more than Burnley or Leeds. I can’t see that happening. They might get a couple of wins from their final 5, but so will Leeds and Burnley.

Leisure Suit Larry

My lad is all right most of the time, starting to get a bit more willful but he's, on the whole, not yet tempting me to dropkick him over the fence.

He's closer to 3 than 2. But yes, he's two until he turns three.

It's all right, over on RTG Grumpy Old Man is saying how this is not as bad as it looks. And because it's positive, it's true. Anything else would be mag-like behaviour.

Need to start wearing Stone Island and a cap pushed way back on my head.

3 at the end of June.

At least it's the North of the middle. The muffin top, if you will.

In the fucking Night Garden.

Soft? Yes Midlands? Questionably Drinking? absolutely La La, I won't refute that SHANDY? I will knife fight you, right now!

You don't have to fucking tell me mate. I was fucking all for doing the fucking whole thing over fucking Teams (like we do every fucking day) but OhhhhhHHhh fucking NooOooOOooo we had to have an in-fucking-person Team Day. Where we fucking dick about with fucking quizzes and fucking Paddington fucking Bear fucking treasure fucking hunts around fucking Little Venice for two fucking hours. ....fucking

Yeah, he didn't upset me at all. No surprise it's the bed wetters who're most dramatic though.

Was down in London Wednesday night and yesterday. Finish a meeting and dart from Paddington to Euston just in time to get in my seat for the 18:20 back up North. I've got settled, plugged in my phone etc when there's an announcement that there's a delay due to an incident on the line. 5 minutes later all trains to Manchester are cancelled for the foreseeable. I go to Kings Cross jump on a PACKED Sheffield bound train, manage to get a seat but have to endure a couple of pissed up FreeMasons on one table and a very chatty Yorkshireman on another. Both tables within earshot, neither pause for fucking breath for two fucking hours. Then, just as we're pulling into Sheffield at 22:00, all Manchester bound trains are cancelled. Fuck this, says I, and get an Uber home. Finally get into bed at midnight, at which point the wife asks if I could get her some water. 4 and a half hours after getting to sleep I'm woken up by my little lad, who gives absolutely zero fucks about how tired his dad is. I've logged in for hero points, but am I fuck doing any fucking work today.

Cool kids want to be outlaws, not Sheriffs.

3 minutes in and he hasn't mentioned PpDA, trequartista, mezzala, segundo volante, so I'm out.

Stick it on in black and white, I don't fucking know I'm not the fucking FA. Jesus Christ!

No, they don't have the scores or teams on the screen you gobshite.

The who?

Take it back! You fucking take that back. He's not a well boy!

£35-50m on a striker in the same standing as Nunez, plus a right winger who can contribute goals and assists for c£30m. Sell the likes of Ritchie, Gayle, Clark, Lewis et al for a combined total of about £20m. Boubacar Kamara, Nketiah are both out of contract in the summer.

He's also one of those players (like Gayle and Shelvey) who look miserable whether he's on a hattrick or subbed at half time.

Honestly, if Saint Maximin carried on like that, I'd be pissed off with him myself. I'm understanding of players going down easy under a challenge, or killing time. But he rolled around like he was shot after he headed the fucking ball.