The Fish

£35-50m on a striker in the same standing as Nunez, plus a right winger who can contribute goals and assists for c£30m. Sell the likes of Ritchie, Gayle, Clark, Lewis et al for a combined total of about £20m. Boubacar Kamara, Nketiah are both out of contract in the summer.

He's also one of those players (like Gayle and Shelvey) who look miserable whether he's on a hattrick or subbed at half time.

Honestly, if Saint Maximin carried on like that, I'd be pissed off with him myself. I'm understanding of players going down easy under a challenge, or killing time. But he rolled around like he was shot after he headed the fucking ball.

Listened to a podcast by the bloke who wrote Blindside, Moneyball etc. He was talking about the NBA version of VAR, apparently they sit in a room watching live feeds of the games with no team names, or scores or anything on the screens and found that since it's inception home advantage diminished dramatically. Made me wonder if Stockley Park has all the potentially influential information (score, team, stadium, etc.) scraped out. Or, are they still watching an incident obviously involving Liverpool at Anfield at 0-0?

I love it when a pundit gets too excited. Even if it's cringey as fuck it's immeasurably better than the commentators for whom commentating on a game seems to ruin their whole day. The "Aguerooooooo", "SheaRAR", "Ohhhhh glorious, if the rest was cake, there's the icing." All of that stuff makes a moment more momentous, for me. I like bias too, Carragher telling Richarlison to "Get Up" made it better. I've never liked Lampard. As a kid, as a player or now as a coach. Entitled Tory Cunt.

Didn't they have similar but against Coventry on the final day of 97/98? Same season, I think, Bolton had a perfectly good goal ruled out.

Someone give Scholes a job, as a left field appointment.

In the past 29 seasons of the Premier League, 64pts is sufficient to get 6th on average and 5th 13/29. However, since the window closed (1 Feb) his PpG is 2.15, projecting 81.85pts across a 38 game season. Now, obviously I'd not expect that kind of form to continue, but it shows the upper limit for this group of players. And he's managed that without a reliable goal scoring forward that benefits most from this style of play. If Newcastle can sign a reliable goal scorer and add some quality to right wing and centre midfield, I don't think targeting top 8 is an unrealistic aim. However, given the nature of the task ahead, I wouldn't be disappointed with midtable and better football. By that I mean more possession, more fluidity, closer to the game against Norwich and further from the games against Crystal Palace or Leicester.

I hate the way you think.

They have silenced him.

Longest of longshots, but if anyone knows of anybody with a spare for Liverpool, holler at your boy. Cheers thanks ta

No, because we're not entitled cryarses.

Well, technically straight after kick off we level in our 14th game meaning a 'live table' would account for that point.

That would be the only time I think I would join in with the Celebration Police.

after 14 games

Hold on there ya chode, you've screen grabbed (I presume because either the context makes you look stupid, or you're too stupid to work out how to link to the page) me obviously joking about being mathematically safe in February?! fwiw the table at that time looked like this; and ended up So we were mathematically safe.

Because the implication is that you haven't already enjoyed it. We're 7pts off 7th, 12pts of 17th. I did the predictor again, but this time Newcastle lose every game, and Burnley and Everton win every game. We STILL end up 15th and surviving.

What are you talking about man? Do you think Leicester, Brighton or Wolves are going to celebrate when they're 'mathematically safe'? Or do you think they're past all that?

You'd all have swallowed your tongues if I'd used that.

Eddie is being humble and motivating his players. You're being a contrarian. These are not the same.

Aye, not being 9th, winning 10 from 14, 6 home wins in a row, nah, none of that, it's when, mathematically, we're safe from relegation. Jesus wept man, grow a pair.

"clinch safety"? Safety is secure and has been for ages you big tart. We've a couple of home games left, we can enjoy them both without any fear, which is much better than nervously hoping for a good result.

He played up front for about 15-20 minutes. Soon after he moved back TO HIS ACTUAL FUCKING POSITION, he scored. Are we finally playing the way Steve Bruce wanted?

I hate the way you think.

First bit doesn't matter a bit. I got my first diagnosis of high anxiety and severe depression about two decades ago. First therapist reckons I've had it longer but it just went undiagnosed. I had a happy home life, comfortable upbringing, went to Uni, had great friends, was doing well in courses etc. Compared to others I had no reason to feel depressed but I was. Since then I've had periods of my life which have been 'rough' or stressful and so it's obvious as to why I was feeling anxious or depressed. Other times when everything is going well and POW I'm floored by it. I've a very clear memory of sitting on a beach in western Australia, sea breeze gently cooling my sun kissed* head, cold beer in hand, and sobbing like relegated mackem. An ouroboros of sadness and guilt/shame for feeling sad when I've nowt to be sad about and so on and so on. I couldn't cope with that nonsense, you're having to cope with real things. And you will. Because you're smart, and rational and not just a doppelganger for Gordon Ramsay. You see there's an issue, you're looking for ways to address it, you're asking for help. Those three things are huge and you shouldn't downplay or dismiss them. *fucking incinerated.