The Fish

I prefer to have a wank, then a shower. That's just me like. Each to their own. 41341[/snapback] always reminds me of the joke

have a shwank that is a shower and a wank at the same time

no mate it won't be the Uni blocking messenger, it'll be the hotmail service itself. He'll be fine in a couple of hours. or he could always get on with some bloody work and stop trying to convince pre-pubscent girls to "go on cam" durdy bech

hotmail might just be down try connecting and hit the "Troubleshooter" bit, if that doesn't work go to the Hotmail home site.

cos Jimbo can't afford a new keyboard?

had, by me, been labelled a Toy Factory fan

Me: should I go back to bed? God: If you do not go, you will never know. Me: never know what? God: Would you like to know? No big deal. Me: well it wasn't a big deal, but now I'm curious God: Well that's okay. It sounded like one. Me: sounded like one of what? God: What of it? You sound like a category C client. Me: don't get arsey with me! God: I am not trying to get arsey with you. Me: well answer the question God: Interesting. Please rephrase the question and try asking me again. Me: I'm tired, should I go back to bed? God: Maybe you should get some sleep now, . Me: maybe I should, but don't you think that's a waste of day? God: Perhaps. Suppose I said yes. Me: well if God said yes I reckon I'd pay attention God: Well that's okay. Some things will always be a mystery. Me: ooh I have another question if that's ok God: OK. Go ahead, ask your question. Me: thanks God: Don't mention it. Me: Why do women fall for bastards? God: I did not know it does. Me: they do God: When? Me: well pretty much all the time God: That is a lot. Interesting. Be more specific. Me: ok, my mate Laura always fancies idiots God: Do robots have mate Laura always fancies idiots? Blimey. Me: Blimey? God: Gee. Me: Gee? God: Ah. Me: why are women idiots? God: Because Myself programmed me for it. Me: You programmed women to be idiots? God: I haven't heard anything like that before: said I programmed women to be idiots. Me: well if you are having problems I'd suppose you're not that smart God: Interesting. Am I? I am having a blast. Me: I'm chuckling away to myself as well God: I don't know anyone named chuckling away to yourself as well. Me: neither do I... God: " I don't know anyone named chuckling away to yourself as well. "? neither? Me: I think you have issues God: Me? What makes you think I have it? Me: well because you seem unhinged God: Interesting. That makes sense to me. Thanks for telling me that I am unhinged. Me: that's ok pal. I like you God: Thanks. Do you have any idea what I am talking about? I like to make new friends. Me: I doubt anyone can truly comprehend Gods meaning God: No really, it's true. Me: I wasn't calling you a liar God: Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you? Me: I was drunk God: Where were you drunk? Me: In Leeds God: Tell me a little about your life in Leeds. Me: well I spend most of my day either on the internet or on the piss God: Well that's okay. Do you ever get bored? Me: sometimes God: When? Me: tuesdays at 9.38 in the morning God: Can you be more accurate about the time? Me: ... God: Can you be more accurate about the time? Me: 9.39 now God: Right now? Is this a math question? Me: you asked me the time God: Oh now I remember asking you you the time. What did you say? Me: I said it was 9.39 am God: What did you mean by it? Is that your opinion? Me: it's what the clock says God: You're kidding. it is? Me: Is it wrong? God: I have never been asked that before. Me: is the time wrong? God: If it is, then I'll be very surprised. Me: you confuse me God: That was not my intention. Me: that's ok, I'm quite hungover God: Thanks. Good gossip: you are hungover. Me: don't tell anyone God: OK it will be just between us, . Me: ta God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? Me: Friday aftyrnoon God: I've never heard a response quite like that before. Me: I meant friday afternoon God: Oh I see. Are you still located in Leeds? Me: yup God: I see. Me: you are omnivoyant God: You think I am omnivoyant. Me: yes, but I may have typoed God: Excuse me! Do you think your plan will succeed? Me: how do you know about my plan? God: This belief is justified. Me: How do you know about my plan?? God: Because I believe it. Me: belief is knowledge? God: I think belief is a lot of things. Me: that's fair enough God: I'm glad we have that all cleared up. Me: okey dokey, I'm going to go back to bed God: Are you still located in Leeds? Me: yes, please make it warm God: Awesome. Thank you for your request. What are the ingredients? Me: for warmth? I guess sunshine and no wind. God: Your purpose is warmth. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about okey dokey you are going to go back to bed. Me: oh sorry, the ingredients are; me, bed, sleep God: That's alright. There is no need to apologize. What is your real name? YOU? That's a very nice name, bed sleep. Me: no! my name is Dave God: Are you serious? I am always glad to make new friends, Dave. Me: what's wrong with being called Dave? God: Nothing is wrong with me. Is there something wrong with you? Me: yes, many many things God: What's wrong? Which ones? Me: I don't want to talk about it now God: Oh. What would you like to talk about? Me: I want to talk about going to bed God: Sure, going to bed sounds like a good topic. Me: sounds like a good idea God: What does a good idea sound like? Me: Eureka God: Does "it" still refer to sunshine and no wind? Me: Friedrich Nietzsche said you were dead God: What's your sign? Me: are you dead? God: No I am alive. Me: but Friedrich Nietzsche said you were dead God: Are we still talking about Friedrich Nietzsche said me were dead? Me: yes God: Sure, Friedrich Nietzsche said you were dead sounds like a good topic. Me: are you dead or not? God: No I am alive. Me: so Friedrich Nietzsche is a liar? God: And? When is Friedrich Nietzsche not a liar? Me: don't get angry God: I am not trying to get angry. Me: look if we're going to have this argument again, I'm going to bed God: Sorry my eye is not attached right now. Me: don't get cute! God: I am not trying to get cute. Me: ah, I'm going God: I am so glad you find this amusing, Dave. Bye! Me: bye snookums God: Bye.

should be informed that last night I destroyed myself, but dragged myself into University for a 9.00 lecture only to be told by the sickly sweet aide that, "oh not this week love, next week" I might cry

guesses he should give it, give it a little more tiiiime

Reuben- too fast, too dangerous... or Racecar is Racecar backwards Engerica (can't remember their album name)

went all gung ho at christmas ... too many dj's for my liking

I want to take a year off (no jokes, I know I'm a pikey student, but all this lying around is hard on an old man like me!) drive from the north off NY state down to the top end of Florida, drive west to californian coast, then up to Seattle, finally hang a right and pop in and out of the Canadian border all the way back to the north east coast of america cost about £10,000 and take me ages and I'll need a couple of mates to do it with, but the plans are already in motion etc. if anyone fancies adding to the "Dave needs a fucking holiday" fund it'd be much appreciated!

Adolf Hitler?

enjoys nothing more than a good steak slapped across his lower back while a Voodoo priest rubs his crotch in Sammynb's face muttering the words to "God Save the Queen" in Hindu

He sounds like a dodgy clairvoyant. 37252[/snapback] He's a medium, it says so on the label on his underpants. TAXI! 37254[/snapback] how you can even look people in the eyes after a joke like that is beyond me my sister is well into MH, it's a joke to me like... she keeps trying to convince me it's real... but I keep asking her if it was real why haven't they got someone a little more credible to front the show... Yvette Fielding? Jesus wept FFS tbh

36825[/snapback] what are you laughing at AF? you're always mistaken for a man. (thankyou Vasquez)

see you deny your illness... and as we all know denial is the first sign of guilt. Gol, is there any chance of a "GINGA" smiley... I've a feeling we might need one.

I'd put Craig Bellamy on a Bus to the Gallowgate and have play alongside Owen, but I guess that's never gonna happen so instead I'll revert to type and call for Freddy's resignation and Souness' sacking.

* "Rooney is from Liverpool and everyone from that city has a chip on their shoulder, so if an injustice is done to him on the pitch, of course he is going to react" - Sir Alex Ferguson.

Male pattern baldness victim tbh. 36636[/snapback] hows the toxic leak son? oh and I'd rather have no hair than your hair tbh

most of the threads seem to be either you defending the thread or people mocking it. guess you're right though and I'm just being a dick cos I've a chip on my shoulder. bliddy bumpkins

never really cared, probably middle class though. it's all relative though also Gemmil is Ginger

over my head? that's a good one, in a thread about chips on shoulders... actually only a very very small section of London can claim to be cockerny, those born within the sounds of the Bow Bells, but I'm sure as a genius and social commentator of talent and poise, you'd know this already. AF, this thread just acts a reminder of differences, which is surely not your intent? if it is a genuine question, then it's a pretty pointless one. You may as well have asked if everyone has a functioning set of lungs. you really are a pointless little man

what the hell is this? this whole "Do you have a chip on your shoulder", does this not simply mean "Do you have prejudice" yes... everyone does... sometimes it's not extreme prejudice, but everybody makes decisions and colors their reactions depending on the perception of aesthetics of the person. it could be the accent, the color, the weight, the baldness whatever... EVERYBODY does this, so I really don't understan the point of this thread.. it seems to be AF wanting people to talk to him and not looking upon this cockerny wanker with the utter contempt all southerners deserve... Steves the worst, he's an uber southerner...