The Fish

I'd say happy birthday but I doubt you'll find joy in the celebration of yet another year that Newcastle endure without silverware .... still... congrats...

wonder what you were searching for.... dirty fucker

brings joy to millions, simply by avoiding their company.

was expecting something remotely entertaining at the bottom of his sockdrawer, but was disappointed with the socks that he found

is, therefore drinks

I reckon a fiver on family members and a tenner on people I actually like... should keep the Xmas bill down to about £80 ... bonza!

Passat TDI, get a beauty for that kind of money without losing the performance side of things. Wor lasses fatha's got one, it's an estate and believe me it shifts for a big motor but it's not bad on the juice either. 49021[/snapback] The Focus 1.8 TDi is also a very very nice car, handles like a hatchback but has the power under the bonnet to induce frequent trouser changing. Best car I've ever driven, it's also very easy to muck about with the aesthetics of it, change a light cluster or cheap allows makes it look a far more elastic-snapper of a car. love the gear change in it as well

Bit of something to brighten the day, as it's still night... EdinburghFestival Highlights I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy Carr The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. Chris Addison at the Pleasance My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be shitting herself. Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance My parents are from Glasgowwhich means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. Susan Murray at the Underbelly Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britainif blind people were given pointed sticks? Adam Bloom at the Pleasance My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhamptonwhen I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw @ t. Susan Murray at the Underbelly You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh ! t, I wasn't listening... Self-raising?" Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. Jeremy Limb, at the Trap I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron I went out with an Irish Catholic girl. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork... Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a f ** king hoax. Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber". Steven Alan Green at C34 Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. Brendon Burns at the Pleasance I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!" Norman Lovett at The Stand It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. Chris Addison at the Pleasance I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. ArnoldBrown at The Stand If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. Milton Jones at the Underbelly

draions the pressure from the swelling

Have you got another 8 grand set aside for your fuel bills? 48980[/snapback] didn't say I was gonna drive it, just have it sit on my driveway and look tastey!

nice big second hand 4Litre Jeep Wrangler, thankyouverymuch

hpybthdy the, man, the legend, the Pud

was wrong-diddly-wrong wrong

cannot indicate pleasure without mentioning the war and his part in it, despite having no limbs and an allergy to boot polish... his stubborn refusal to accept he is in fact a spent matchstick once used by the BFG to light a preposterously sized Cigar

shouldn't "mess witht he best, cos the best don't mess with the rest"... so said Dangermouse...

I just felt this thread was worth lifting back up to the top. 48592[/snapback] kiss ass

twists the light fandango, does cartwheels across the floor

didn't look ways before he crossdressed

I've heard this phrase it's hilarious! I like it actually, along with: Get used with it and Have a bit sit! 47906[/snapback] oh aye, knocks my socks off... almost as much as yorkshiremen merrily calling eachother "love".... or cockneys with their desire to say "innit" all the fucking time. you really are a superior son of a bitch aren't you?

my friend died, he drowned.... at his funeral we got him a wreath to look like a life belt... ..well it's what he would have wanted

fondled a chipmunk in the hope of discovering the location of said ground squirrels stash of hazelnuts

only because there weren't questions about Kangaroo bothering, or Koala smuggling

was a really really good show, one of the few "Reality tv" shows I could stomach

should know it's neither cheap nor dominican, it's pricey and Czech

Killers- Hot Fuss...... dear God I am a student after all