The Fish

nah! twat! and he drove straight past me this morning without even a cheery hello, jeeeez its as if I dont exist. 52187[/snapback] but you don't we're a part of Lou's warped fantasy she created to convince herself she has friends in this reality....

so thats elbow, shoulders, thighs and now Pilchards head will hurt in the morning... it's a god damned epidemic

little tommy gets asked by his teacher "Have you got a fairy God Mother?" "No" says Tommy "But we've got an uncle John we keep a close eye on" God bless old Blue Eyes

am win? I see the return of godawfullygood grammar maybe it's a symptom of Bird Flu?

lazy bassas I'm off to watch Trisha and steal a traffic cone

Jonny Vaughan..I'm so sorry... God I feel ashamed right now. Chris Evans... Ditto I don't think Clarksons a twat, I just think he has a very select audience.

that's coincedental, my thighs are hurty....maybe it's avian flu... being passed on through internet message forums....

You Better mean the game young man or I'll rip out your lung, and replace it with lungfish, which despite their names aren't lungs at all.... they're fish! so.... watch it!

HEY I take Greggs Pasties to the match! well one corned beef pasty and two sausage rolls and a bottle of Ribena

Why? when they spin another plate in the air and divert attention away from the fact that those conflicts aren't remotely close to looking like there is a conclusion in the same vicinity A war in Iran is a probable as Dubya calling it Iraq in a public address. A nuclear power with fanatcis in control is terrifying, (not the yanks this time..). IF Israel was attacked, they have the military arsenal to retaliate and it would be seconds before it escalated to nuclear attacks, and when Israel gets hit America will be a sure thing to step in, when they do, we'll undoubtedly be a little sycophant right behind them... I cannot fathom how the Iranian president can continue to be dealt with after such a horrendously stupid and provocative statement. Forget the French insulting our food, this sounded like a clear message of intent. I know it's far too complicated for the likes of me, but I just grow more and more reactionary to the seemingly endless torrent of hatred that spills from that area of the globe.

am I the only one who feels that this thread is really cringe-worthy? Brock... you have a problem, see an expert! and the rest of you, she's 14 for the love of all that is holy, play nice! no Jimbo... not -that- nice

I'd say happy birthday but I doubt you'll find joy in the celebration of yet another year that Newcastle endure without silverware .... still... congrats...

wonder what you were searching for.... dirty fucker

brings joy to millions, simply by avoiding their company.

was expecting something remotely entertaining at the bottom of his sockdrawer, but was disappointed with the socks that he found

is, therefore drinks

I reckon a fiver on family members and a tenner on people I actually like... should keep the Xmas bill down to about £80 ... bonza!

Passat TDI, get a beauty for that kind of money without losing the performance side of things. Wor lasses fatha's got one, it's an estate and believe me it shifts for a big motor but it's not bad on the juice either. 49021[/snapback] The Focus 1.8 TDi is also a very very nice car, handles like a hatchback but has the power under the bonnet to induce frequent trouser changing. Best car I've ever driven, it's also very easy to muck about with the aesthetics of it, change a light cluster or cheap allows makes it look a far more elastic-snapper of a car. love the gear change in it as well

Bit of something to brighten the day, as it's still night... EdinburghFestival Highlights I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy Carr The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. Chris Addison at the Pleasance My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be shitting herself. Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance My parents are from Glasgowwhich means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. Susan Murray at the Underbelly Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britainif blind people were given pointed sticks? Adam Bloom at the Pleasance My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhamptonwhen I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw @ t. Susan Murray at the Underbelly You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh ! t, I wasn't listening... Self-raising?" Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. Jeremy Limb, at the Trap I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help". Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron I went out with an Irish Catholic girl. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork... Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a f ** king hoax. Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber". Steven Alan Green at C34 Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. Brendon Burns at the Pleasance I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!" Norman Lovett at The Stand It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. Chris Addison at the Pleasance I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. ArnoldBrown at The Stand If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. Milton Jones at the Underbelly

draions the pressure from the swelling

Have you got another 8 grand set aside for your fuel bills? 48980[/snapback] didn't say I was gonna drive it, just have it sit on my driveway and look tastey!

nice big second hand 4Litre Jeep Wrangler, thankyouverymuch

hpybthdy the, man, the legend, the Pud

was wrong-diddly-wrong wrong

cannot indicate pleasure without mentioning the war and his part in it, despite having no limbs and an allergy to boot polish... his stubborn refusal to accept he is in fact a spent matchstick once used by the BFG to light a preposterously sized Cigar