The Fish

will be haunted by the ghost of Gary Glitter once the nonce dies.

's theme tune goes "FUCKTAAAAAARD FUCKTARD, munununuh nuhuh FUCKTAAAAAARD FUCKTARD, munununuh nuhuh" ... cos he's a fucktard

I walked into a bar to "Little Green Bag" once so cool especially as I had pushed open both doors. I couldn't help but strut and loadsa people looked and I reckon at least 1 one of them didn't think I was a total loser. ....good times.

suhweet

I can't be the only one who wants to walk into rooms to the 20th Century Fox fanfare. oh, actually I want mood music, the Vader theme when I'm all stern and menacing, the 20th Century Fox theme when I'm walking into a room, Bacvk in Black when I walk into a bar and Wa Wa Wa Waaaaaaah every time I drop things, oh and a Rimshot everytime I make a pun.

I like my Cars.

types and thinks too quickly for my good. I'm gonna have to put a speeding restriction on you.

couldn't be less of a fucktard anyone needing a definition of fucktard would do well to use Sammynb as an example.

should know she used the word "fucktard" because it was apt as a descriptive term for Sammynb

I'm impressed with the turretage it's very you.

should tell Sammy that he seems to be forgetting that the consensual act of buggery between two men is homosexual. he should also realise my mirth at being accused of homosexuality on one day and homophobia on the next. he's a silly silly little ozzie hippy

makes Gay jokes. and contributes in no other way to society. thereby perpetuating the stereotypical antipodean characteristic

Sea Sucks Boat Sucks Blu Bambu Sucks Clubs in Newcastle Suck how can this shit be made simple?

what do you get if you cross a donkey's heart and half an onion? a piece of ass that'll make your eyes water

I think he'd be confused if I said "Hey, Lou says hi" I think he'd probably look at me as if I was just caught rummaging through his trash sporting an erection

What you would buy with £10,000,000. (or the equivalent in Ozzie Dollars) and I don't mean "nice house, nice car, nice boat" I want websites, and prices. Material items only, no charitible donations or Savings accounts etc. Staff will count towards the total, as will holidays and services (hitmen etc.*) With my £10,000,000 I'd buy.... $8250000/ £4,809,090 http://www.landvest.com/fine_homes/more.asp?PropID=MA0987 £5190910 $9,400/ £5,479.44 http://www.classicsandcustoms.com/search/details.asp? 1=1&listing_id=13979 £5185430.56 Bentley Arnage $200,000/ £116,584 £5068846.56 ... now things are getting tricky..... *You never know....

if proven right, will become my sage and will be bugged at all times of the day for information and advice so as to make my life one of helth wealth and happiness

is wrong, cos one time I found a twenty pound note in m y jeans pocket just before I put them into the wash. With that £20 I went out and "Knew" a girl that I was hankering after!

yeah I'm going to watch him at the Library, £5 entry, lagers pretty cheap and the totty quota is satisfactory for a lecherous old man like me. it's always been a career I'd love to have the ability to do well. There's nowt better than making people laugh well... making people from mud and clay like god did... that's be pretty sweet, but I think he cheated a bit with women, it's easy to make lumps and bumps with clay, much harder to make a square shaped bloke and yes before people ask I do hang around with the Mr Men. except mr Tickle, he has a restraining order and a curfew

should realise I pursue them so that I can herd them into a large pen and drop a mother-in-law joke at one end, then record how long it takes to travel to the other side.

doesnt try to

there's a Robbie Williams Boxed set? oh dear. I will no doubt be treated to that wafting daintly out of my sisters bedroom when I go home... Xmas... SUCKS

meh, that's not reall happiness happiness is browsing the fridge and finding a fourpack you forgot about, some bacon and some Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough icecream.

don't trust anything that changes the set rules of language at whim. "I'm off to the pub for a few beers, dunno when I'll be back, is that cool?" -I'm going to go and get quite drunk, come home smelling of kebab and smoke, then try to cop a feel with you in bed- "Yes" -=Translation unclear, there follows a sample from the infinite permutations possible=-: Yes No I hate you for taking my leniency for granted I am truly ok with this and will not be too disgusted with your amorous advances later on You bastard, you slept with a friend(who I don't really like but I will imply that we are like sisters so as to further your punishment.) five years ago when we were having one of our break up fortnights I am going to fuck....you.....up I'm not really listening because some talentless shite is on tv making a million off saps like me who are content to perpetuate reality tv because it keeps my dream of shaking my wobbly arse on tv gaining the love and respect of all the famous people who I try to live my life through. I'm not really listening because I want an excuse to be mad at you later to cover the fact I'm actually just a stroppy mare I'm sleeping with your dad and he's better in bed than you I'm sleeping with your sister and she's better in bed with you I'm sleeping with the dog As soon as you leave I'm going to let this fart out, I swear my guts are screwed up tighter than your wallet You forgot our anniversary again you feckless prick Did I leave the gas on..... no The sooner you leave the sooner you come home to me sweety Yeah that's fine, I'm going onto the internet to talk to people I've more in common with Jumanji is on later Shoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoes Do rednecks really have Rednecks and if not why are they called rednecks -=list incomplete=-

An Email from a very bored friend... I know the first bit is old, but the second bit made me chuckle.