The Fish

couldn't be less of a fucktard anyone needing a definition of fucktard would do well to use Sammynb as an example.

should know she used the word "fucktard" because it was apt as a descriptive term for Sammynb

I'm impressed with the turretage it's very you.

should tell Sammy that he seems to be forgetting that the consensual act of buggery between two men is homosexual. he should also realise my mirth at being accused of homosexuality on one day and homophobia on the next. he's a silly silly little ozzie hippy

makes Gay jokes. and contributes in no other way to society. thereby perpetuating the stereotypical antipodean characteristic

Sea Sucks Boat Sucks Blu Bambu Sucks Clubs in Newcastle Suck how can this shit be made simple?

what do you get if you cross a donkey's heart and half an onion? a piece of ass that'll make your eyes water

I think he'd be confused if I said "Hey, Lou says hi" I think he'd probably look at me as if I was just caught rummaging through his trash sporting an erection

What you would buy with £10,000,000. (or the equivalent in Ozzie Dollars) and I don't mean "nice house, nice car, nice boat" I want websites, and prices. Material items only, no charitible donations or Savings accounts etc. Staff will count towards the total, as will holidays and services (hitmen etc.*) With my £10,000,000 I'd buy.... $8250000/ £4,809,090 http://www.landvest.com/fine_homes/more.asp?PropID=MA0987 £5190910 $9,400/ £5,479.44 http://www.classicsandcustoms.com/search/details.asp? 1=1&listing_id=13979 £5185430.56 Bentley Arnage $200,000/ £116,584 £5068846.56 ... now things are getting tricky..... *You never know....

if proven right, will become my sage and will be bugged at all times of the day for information and advice so as to make my life one of helth wealth and happiness

is wrong, cos one time I found a twenty pound note in m y jeans pocket just before I put them into the wash. With that £20 I went out and "Knew" a girl that I was hankering after!

yeah I'm going to watch him at the Library, £5 entry, lagers pretty cheap and the totty quota is satisfactory for a lecherous old man like me. it's always been a career I'd love to have the ability to do well. There's nowt better than making people laugh well... making people from mud and clay like god did... that's be pretty sweet, but I think he cheated a bit with women, it's easy to make lumps and bumps with clay, much harder to make a square shaped bloke and yes before people ask I do hang around with the Mr Men. except mr Tickle, he has a restraining order and a curfew

should realise I pursue them so that I can herd them into a large pen and drop a mother-in-law joke at one end, then record how long it takes to travel to the other side.

doesnt try to

there's a Robbie Williams Boxed set? oh dear. I will no doubt be treated to that wafting daintly out of my sisters bedroom when I go home... Xmas... SUCKS

meh, that's not reall happiness happiness is browsing the fridge and finding a fourpack you forgot about, some bacon and some Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough icecream.

don't trust anything that changes the set rules of language at whim. "I'm off to the pub for a few beers, dunno when I'll be back, is that cool?" -I'm going to go and get quite drunk, come home smelling of kebab and smoke, then try to cop a feel with you in bed- "Yes" -=Translation unclear, there follows a sample from the infinite permutations possible=-: Yes No I hate you for taking my leniency for granted I am truly ok with this and will not be too disgusted with your amorous advances later on You bastard, you slept with a friend(who I don't really like but I will imply that we are like sisters so as to further your punishment.) five years ago when we were having one of our break up fortnights I am going to fuck....you.....up I'm not really listening because some talentless shite is on tv making a million off saps like me who are content to perpetuate reality tv because it keeps my dream of shaking my wobbly arse on tv gaining the love and respect of all the famous people who I try to live my life through. I'm not really listening because I want an excuse to be mad at you later to cover the fact I'm actually just a stroppy mare I'm sleeping with your dad and he's better in bed than you I'm sleeping with your sister and she's better in bed with you I'm sleeping with the dog As soon as you leave I'm going to let this fart out, I swear my guts are screwed up tighter than your wallet You forgot our anniversary again you feckless prick Did I leave the gas on..... no The sooner you leave the sooner you come home to me sweety Yeah that's fine, I'm going onto the internet to talk to people I've more in common with Jumanji is on later Shoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoesshoes Do rednecks really have Rednecks and if not why are they called rednecks -=list incomplete=-

An Email from a very bored friend... I know the first bit is old, but the second bit made me chuckle.

I thought Tragedy Plus Time= political ammunition it was my understanding that Dwarves + angered pit vipers = comedy....

a part of me wants to make some joke about Catmag burning her arse on the ceiling light, but fear of brutal and swift retribution means I won't.

where abouts in Whitley?

Why does he have a Beak, a Plane wing on his right and a Giant's Penis on his left? I'm a bit disappointed the 24hr automated videostore round the corner from mine is broken.. I was going to rent Goodfellas* but because them fangled fancy machines are bust I have to settle for a dvd I already have... and I've watched all of them. Which I suppose is obvious as I'm the owner, but I've watched them all too recently to have a second sitting so soon. I know I could download Goodfellas* and watch it, but that might take too long... I could of course simply go to sleep, but I'm far too pleased with myself for getting my report in ahead of schedule. This of courese means I've got a fortnight or so, with no actual work to do for Uni, but that's better than the Medics in my house who have to memorise the muscles in your arm and the bones in your hand.. they've made up rhymes to help them, but when I was listening it sounds more like they're just reading a couple of pages from the FPA thread. anyway I've wittered on long enough for the kettle to have boiled so I'm going to the kitchen. P.s. I used tot hink I shouldn't keep a blog cos IU'd have nothing to write most days... and yet I fill this thread with enough shit to keep farmers in potatos for years! *Madagascar

that's a bit simplistic Renton, it's not just a case of "I'm an alcoholic... I'd better stop drinking" I'm lucky that none of the family I know were stricken with this malady. My dad tells me that his father was an alcoholic and it didn't just ruin his life, but that of his wife and his whole family, to the point that My dad is really quite bitter about the whole thing. It's my view that is not a "habit" like nose picking, or self flaggelation. It's an addiction that corrupts and twists every cognitive thought. Alcoholics now have support systems all around them that can catch it at it's inception, but Best was unfortunate to be born into a culture without those safe guards and was the first footballer to really become idolised outside of the football world aswell. he was the first Superstar of football imo. He tred the first steps down the path that others have walked, Gazza, Maradona et al. His debauchery was shrugged at, where now it would be a massive issue. I don't think he is blameless, but I certainly won't apportion all the blame to a man who, in my eyes, is clearly mentally ill. I respect the footballer, but pity the man.

just because I like men in tight white vests?

My Village (Seaton SLuice) had a street that was jam packed with houses utterly covered in crimbo lights.My mates house was one of the worst, his dad went apeshit for that stuff....they got on local and national news. can't find any images online though