The Fish

Apparently they think it'll be Poch or Emery.

They look a doomed club. No ideas, no fight, no organisation. Getting shot of Gerrard is a good start, but dunno how deep the rot goes.

Get the house fitted with Smart Bulbs, get a staff and a robe, and declare yourself the Keeper of the Light. Anytime she forgets her place, plunge the house into darkness.

When will you drop the "It's like Blackpool Illuminations in here!"? I used that recently. Did. not. go. down. well.

With a little Zeljeznicar thrown in? Maybe a dash of Breda?

I could imagine you getting a regular close shave at a barbers. Like a Mafia Don.

Yeah, I know anything is possible, but honestly, that season, so many factors lead to our ridiculous finish. Not just our own good fortune with form/injuries, but other clubs had (by their standards) terrible seasons. Liverpool, Chelsea a stack of usually midtable clubs. All 3 promoted sides survived, and I'm not sure but I'm fairly confident that it's unheard of for 2 promoted clubs to get to 47pts. I don't see that repeating itself this season.

You're 50:50 on us winning the league? Typical deluded Geordie. In all honesty, I've not been moved from my pre-season prediction. I think we'll get injuries to our strike force that'll mean we'll drop points. If Isak and Wilson are both out at the same time, we'd be relying on Wood and Wood does what Wood does, which isn't a great deal. Dunno if you've ever looked at some Wood, but it just sits there and does fuck all.

Is there any mechanism to call a GE when you're not the party in power?

Once Isak and ASM are back + whomever we sign in January, we'll be in a good place to put real pressure on teams like Chelsea, Man Utd, and Tottenham. Don't get me wrong, they're all stronger than we are in terms of quality and depth, but Potter is still getting his ideas across and we've not seen how he can handle big egos when things aren't going well. Man Utd remain a bit of a basket case, disjointed collection of top tier players, plus a pretty shonky defence. Spurs are nigh on impenetrable, but it genuinely feels like Conte hasn't quite worked out how to control games with that midfield. WUH GONNA WIN THA LEEG

Nowt wrong with a little ginge in the chinge. Just grow it man, a) you'll look dope as fuck, b) keeps your chin warm, c) it'll give your workplace fury an added element of threat.

The rule round our way is that if you're happy to take part, you put a pumpkin out. So we tend not to get people knocking on. The wife does buy a few things, just in case, but usually we fuck it off entirely. Little lad is too young to get excited about it and I'm hoping by the time he's old enough to want to go out, the paradigm will have shifted.

Listen here, you little shit. We're struggling to score because we're missing two very good attackers. They can't score with their full strength team out. Plus, this new manager might be terrible and when the Potter effect weakens, they might drop down a bit.

Be a man. Grow a beard.

Modern day Halloween is as far removed from All Hallows Eve, and that was from Samhain. So that sign, telling people to fuck off is bang on.

Bit like Howe at Newcastle.

What did? All Hallows Eve, or the fetishisation and commercialisation of Halloween? Because, if you mean the former, you're right*. If you mean the latter then we're going to need to have words, sunshine. *In so much as Samhain is a gaelic festival and the church just plonked a celebration on top of it to get some of that sweet sweet acculturation.

I can get a flu jab and a booster at the same time because of the NHS' mistaken belief that I've got sickle cell anaemia and have had an organ transplant. Hooray for governmental neglect leading to mistakes that benefit me!

He said Adele, not Amy Winehouse

Ohhh, is that who it was? Well, going off his Twitter meltdown, he definitely seems to have turned a corner

Wykiki, you seem annoyed by the podcast. Just like you get annoyed by talkSport, or 5 Live. I've a suggestion, and it's a bold one so brace yourself; don't listen to stuff that annoys you? Mrs Fish watches Married at First Sight Australia, it's full of entitled arseholes and precious twats shouting at eachother or generally acting the cunt. So, rather than listen to the banshees screeching at each other, I go and do something else. Leaves me zen as fuck.

Sorry for your loss mate.

Asked a West Ham fan about him. "Dunno anything about him, hope he's shit for you" So on that basis, I'm all in on [checks notes] Amadou Dialup

He just uses his fingers.

Cheers all, I'm sure he'll be ok. He just needs to take the foot off the gas, but it's going to be a challenge getting that through to a man who's never really been comfortable just chilling out. Tried to encourage him to take up a hobby, but everything I suggest he's got no interest in. Wish he had an interest in writing down his life, I've tried to get him to do it but where he's happy enough telling stories, writing them down is a chore for him.