The Fish

Bless him, the bloke was clearly trying to steer the topic towards "Twitter polls are great for creating debate", but Big Ange took his legs out with a "they've have changed their mind".

Every single Saffa I've ever met has been a cunt, or an hilariously entitled Daddy's little princess. Every single one of them. Barely managed to get through the second date with one lass, at the end of the night I called time on the fling, used the "no spark" get out clause and subsequently ghosted her. Weeks of bitchy messages, passive aggressive (and sometimes outright aggressive) texts and one brutal string of expletives left on a voice message. Now, this isn't a "Dave is a PLAYAH", it's more of a "All South African women are fucking crazy."

what a bag of shite.

For. Decades. She's currently trying to buy the affection of my son. I'm not having her anywhere near him. She sits down without double checking and we'd have to send in a cave rescue team for the poor fucker.

She's a labour voter in Blyth. So stick that up yer pooper.

My sister is one of those voters that picked her side and will vote that way until she dies. She's stubborn yet oddly averse to sticking to a diet or exercise regime...

You forgot about Arsenal?

Officially, I got 19. I mean, I got the 20th, but didn't spell it properly, so it didn't accept it. Which is a fucking swizz, and typical of the Mainstream media, but there you go.

I couldn't get 5 of them, including a team that has played in the FIFA world cup 8 times! There's only 1 that I'm annoyed I didn't get, the others can fuck off

I've already bodied Gloom and CT, but you come for my stats and we're going to have words. Many, many words, way too many than is necessary. Long ones too. Like perpendicular, or stratospheric, or wang.

No. 2.7PpG reflects where we we need to get to to achieve 92pts, which has been the average for the title from the past 10 seasons. Maybe if you used a spreadsheet, you'd have worked that out for yourself The point being is that we're not on course for 92 points and to get on course for 92 pts, we'd basically need to maintain 13pts every 5 games (4 wins and a draw) for the rest of the season, which frankly isn't likely with our current squad depth and the fixtures we have remaining. I didn't think I'd need a spreadsheet to tell people on here that we're not in the title race, but apparently it needed spelling out.

Arsenal were famed bottlers. Dunno if Arteta's Arsenal will be quite the same. Evidence so far this seasons says not.

No, I'm saying that to achieve a title tilt, we'll need to better the form of the current league leaders. Which isn't likely. Maybe if people stopped acting like children, I'd stop having to explain real life to them like they were children.

It's taken, on average across the last 10 seasons, 92pts to win the title. If we maintain our 2PpG, we'll end up on 76pts. To get to 92pts, we'd need 2.7PpG for the rest of the season. That's 4 wins and a draw from 5 games. For the rest of the season. The top 8 can still get to 92pts, but Liverpool, Brighton and Chelsea would all need 70-71pts from the remaining 24 games. Basically, they'd need to win every single game. If Arsenal maintain this form, they'll end up on 100pts, Man City on 87pts. So Arsenal can have a wobble and still be on course for 92pts, Man City are within touching distance, but the rest of the league would have to significantly improve their form to come close.

I've looked at Pet Plan and it's about £40pm, check on comparison sites, and I can get the same level of cover with stuff like M&S Bank, or John Lewis, for £15. What marks PetPlan as superior for you lot? Already had a browse of puppy trainers around here.

We did consider rescues but you've no idea what the dog's life was like before it was taken to the shelter and with a little lad it's not worth the risk. We've spent ages poring over breeds, what exercise and space requirements they'd need. Part of the reason we're going for a poodle cross is because they'd be hypoallergenic and there'll be less moulting. Both Cocker and Springer spaniels will obviously mean it'll need attention and exercise, but I work from home so can sort that out while avoiding my responsibilities at work.

Literally everybody I've spoken to has firmly advocated a crate. What's your issue with them? I looked at PetPlan, it's a lot more expensive than some of the alternatives. Why'd you go for them?

No, not that kind MF. Finally got the house and finances in order so we're looking at getting a dog. Sister-in-Law is in a similar situation so we're looking at buying siblings. It's somehow my job to sort out the paraphernalia that you need to go with it. Crate, Bed, lead, tags etc. Anything you dog-owners would highly recommend? Also, pet insurance? It's likely to be a cockapoo or sproodle, so any suggestions for insuring the thing, would be appreciated too.

Yeah, can't see the point in watching a comedian in an arena. A music act, sure, but a person telling jokes? Nah. Plus the added fanny on with paying a hundred quid for a watered down lager and stale popcorn. Fuck that, if you want to see a huge star, go and see them do their Work In Progress gigs. Still funny, often riskier, in a decent sized room and all that.

They're all classier than Oscar Wilde, and they're all super dead hard as nails and would batter any Mag on sight, not one of them cares a jot about Newcastle, and every man jack of them could pinpoint 5 reasons why Newcastle United are doing better than they should in the league. I know one Sunderland fan and he's nowt like that lot, but there's enough on there to make me think that he is the anomaly and not them.

4? That explains a lot.

What are we saying here, the Title is on?

Statistically we're playing like a top 4 side. So we could end up there. Playing like a title challenger is another matter though. This shows we're creating a good number of chances, while not conceding many. We're doing very, very well, but we're some ways off Man City. In simpler measures, we're scoring a good number, and conceding fuck all. This show's we're creating more good chances than we're putting away. This is encouraging, but again, we're some ways behind Arsenal and Man City. Finally, this shows we're conceding fewer goals than you'd expect from the chances we give up. Not to the same degree as Everton mind you, but still more so than Man City and Arsenal

Is that Jason Lee they just executed, or the Spliffy mascot?