The Fish

I'm afraid you're gonna have to live a nomadic life during the season. Maybe tomorrow, you’ll want to settle down, Until tomorrow, you’ll just keep moving on.

I just used that predictor 25 times, selected no teams and let the calculator do it's thing. So all of the results were "forecast by the calculator based partly upon recent form, although note that there is also a random factor built in to simulate the unpredictable nature of our sport." We got CL in all of them, sometimes 4th, sometimes 3rd.

So you're saying even the stats nerds are saying there's a 13% chance we won't?

Premier League Calculator (thefishy.co.uk) There you go lads, punch in the results you expect and tell us what you come back with.

There's a good reason last night's game was labelled the title decider, despite their being 5 games and 15pts to go. Man City are 2points behind Arsenal, and theoretically, could lose every single game and Arsenal win theirs, meaning Arsenal finish up 17pts clear of the boys in blue. It's possible, but it's not fucking likely which is why last night was the called the title decider. It's theoretically possible that our form could absolutely collapse and the other teams could suddenly and miraculously turn into monsters, destroying all in their path. But it's not likely. The betting companies, the statisticians, the press and pundits all think that the most likely situation is that the teams in the top 4 stay there, and that the rest of the teams duke it out for the remaining European spots. But going off the maudlin scrawlings on piss-wet sheets of the last few pages, simply because the CL spot is not mathematically assured, we should expect calamity.

I've got no problem with you coming up with a sequence of increasingly unlikely situations that would see us miss out on Champions League football. I'm just suggesting that the improbably calamities that you predict for us can just as easily befall the other teams. What if Liverpool win every game, and Bruno and Schar miss the rest of the season, and Isak is abducted by Somali pirates, and Joelinton turns into a moss covered rock, and we get a points deduction for Schar being too handsome, and every other team gets a points bonus because they're all best friends with Sunderland and we're not.

Whatever result gives Spurs the right motivation to take points off Liverpool and silence the doommongers on here. Spurs coming back to draw would be good.

And an injury to Salah, or Van Dijk will do for them as well. Why is it more likely that our form will collapse and their's continue to dramatically improve? pussyhole

It's not entirely predictable, but some of you wet blankets are suggesting that Liverpool will suddenly win every fucking game. Despite them not showing anything like that kind of form beforehand. This 'mini-revival' consisted of Leeds, Forest and West Ham. And the West Ham and Forest games were not a marker they'd set down declaring that they're back. They could just as easily lose to Spurs and Brentford as beat them, in my opinion. Villa is certaily going to be a test for them. They're still pedestrian in midfield and suspect at the back.

Are they (we) paying for a hotel? The large multinational communications company I work for, refuse to pony up. Despite north of £22bn revenue. Fuckers

Wilson and Isak have both missed several games, so has ASM. CW & AI are hitting 0.7 and 0.93 goals per 90 minutes. If they'd been fully fit throughout, who the fuck knows where we'd be right now.

Yeah Bruno is amazing at the DM position, but stick someone of Rice's calibre in that role and Bruno can move further forward and replace Longstaff/Willock. I wouldn't be devastated if we didn't strengthen DM, but I think it's a position that the team would really benefit from strengthening. And, more importantly, I want Declan Rice.

If I was the lawyer, I'd be nervous about asking for payment in case the pervert tried to fuck the bill.

I know we've been playing well, and I know that Howe has improved all the squad to some degree, but there are many, many better footballers than Willock, and Longstaff at the very least. There's also a gaping hole in our squad for a proper, true blue, specialist defensive midfielder. Bruno, Joelinton, Willock and Longstaff are all front foot thinking midfielders. Sure they contribute defensively, but that's not what their focus is, or should be. I know I've been banging the drum for Rice and I know it's not likely, but that kind of player is what we need. You'd see the team able to control possession more with a metronomic player, Bruno would be able to play further up the pitch and involve himself more around the box. It would mean those players would not have such high demands put on them in terms of fitness. Which means we'd be able to sustain a higher level of energy longer and more frequently.

Say that again and I will tie you to a seaside bench and cover you in chips.

A 'Murphy' - Hitting the post when one on one was submitted to the naming committee, but recent events have made them reconsider it.

Villa mate of mine said that the first half was ok, the second half they were shit and boring. He didn't like it when I suggested that's very on brand for Aston Villa.

He's interviewed on the Ben Foster podcast and they ask him which teammate he'd want to be on a quiz team with. Properly struggles to come up with an answer "Must have been a few dropped out of school early", "Not a lot of outside careers there" then lumps for Dan Burn because "he owns a Kindle" Good listen to be fair.

All the kids seem to be wearing the same shit, black on black on black. Mandem lookin like roadman innit blud. I live in fucking Cheshire, closest they're getting to the Drill scene is B&Q.

Careful, that fucking arsehole Clarky (?) will be back on to tell you how wonderful he is.

Trippier apparently shouting at the players when we're 2 or 3-0 up, basically saying "get into them, they're there for the taking".

About 100-1

If they signed Harry Kane, they wouldn't go another 5 season without a trophy, that's for fucking sure.

I dunno mate. He'll be attractive to other teams now, low(er) wages, proven at this level now, good pro and all that. Certainly more attractive than he was 12 months ago.