The Fish

Even if you did, they'd only fumble it.

Why didn't you cycle? You're right about selfishness also entitlement. One neighbour has threatened another with legal action because he's parked his van in the access between the terrace houses. Legal Action. Not just asking him to shift it, getting lawyers involved. She said "He thinks he's King Canute of the street!" Now, I dunno what she thinks the message is from the story of King Canute, but I know it's not that a man parks on the land he owns and happily moves it if you ask.

I don't understand why anyone watches PMQs. It's just theatre.

I'm delighted that analysts poring over reams of data have contributed to Medical practitioners saving your life.

I don't think he's got any inside knowledge at all, but I do think we'll be ni the conversation for Declan Rice. Bellingham will go to Man City or Madrid or maybe even PSG? Essentially somewhere that'll be in the CL, fighting for the domestic title and competing on all fronts with world class teammates and a world class coach. Arsenal could both afford and attract Rice, but might want to continue their pursuit of Caicedo and they wouldn't be able to afford both. Also, Caicedo has been playing in a style more akin to Arsenal's while at Brighton. No idea about MUFC's interest in Mac Alistair but you'd have to assume that Brighton will want to keep hold of at least one of their midfield stars, if not both. Rice is a good option. Liverpool would surely want Rice, but they don't spend a lot of money and can't promise Champions League football. They'd have to sell a star to afford Rice and that may actually take them further from the CL chase next season. We can afford him, can give him CL football, and he's still young enough that he can still get the massive money move in a few years to Madrid or whoever.

Newcastle United - Highlights: Newcastle United U21s 4 Norwich City U21s 3 (nufc.co.uk)

Phwoar, bit racy for pre-watershed on a Tuesday.

No, it's the same deal Miggy was outperforming his xG and when his form returned to somewhat par his goal return dove off a cliff. The difference is that Olli Watkins accounts for 32% of Aston Villa's non-Penalty chances, 33% of their goals. Miggy accounts for 13%, and 24% respectively. So we're not as reliant on Almiron as they are on Watkins. If Harry Kane (33% and 42%) snaps his ankle in a punting accident, Spurs' form will suffer way more than ours would without Miggy. Stats aren't "This is what will happen" it's just, "This is what has happened". Stats cannot account for the entire team shitting the bed, no. But what can? A post-match "Ah I knew they would do that"? Nobody thought Newcastle United would surrender so meekly to Aston Villa, nobody. Not our fans, not the bookies, not the experts, not their fans. It was an aberration. If Villa do finish in Europe it's an outstanding performance by Emery and he deserves huge credit. I've never said otherwise. All I've said (and Gemmil too) is that they've been on a run of fixtures where they don't create a lot and give up plenty, and yet they've won games. In 20 of their 31 games, they've scored more than you'd expect, in 18 of their games they've conceded less than you'd expect. They're giving up, on average, 1.42 xGA a game. For clarity, a penalty is 'only' worth 0.7xG, so in other words the Aston Villa Defence is so leaky you're as good as getting 2 penalties a game against them. Other teams with a comparably generous defence are Southampton, Leicester, Leeds. It's not sustainable. Not without changing the way they play. I honestly think you're comparing apples and oranges here. Villa are overachieving in terms of results vs performances. Emery has done wonders and I'm sure they'll be a force next season once he gets some more players in and can tweak their style a little more. However, I'm purely talking about their current run of form. They've been 'out played' in several of their games, but come away with a win. Us being ahead of schedule is more about how well we're performing, our results, and our league position. We're scoring and conceding roughly what you'd expect given the chances either way, we're beating teams below us and competing with the best teams in the league, and we're 4th in the league in April.

Our run was backed up by the eye test and by performance metrics. Theirs isn't. They'll get found out because you can't rely on consistently scoring from poor chances, or consistently benefiting from other teams wasting their good chances. Under Eddie Howe, Newcastle have scored and conceded about as many as you'd expect given the chances for and against. Villa under Emery have scored more and conceded fewer. It's not sustainable. Emery's style (basically a back 6 with 2 narrow attacking midfield and 2 forwards) is unpicking a lot of teams at the minute, but someone will crack it soon enough. As I said, it's a good system to handle the high-press, but a sitting that digs in and hit them on the counter should get a fair bit of joy.

I'd laugh but I'm afraid he'd see it and peel the skin from my face.

Villa are on an unbelievable run of form, but it's a run of form. Watkins is over-performing given the chances that fall to him and their defence is benefiting from profligacy of the opponent. They were 100% the better side against us, but like I said in the match thread, this was as much to do with us being utterly garbage, as it was to do with them being good. They'll have a game where Watkins' finishing doesn't cut the muster and a game where the opponent is more clinical. If a team can sit deep against them Watkins won't have half as many chances, and Konsa and Mings are not fast. Villa may come unstuck against Wolves and Fulham. Never mind Man Utd, Brighton, and Liverpool.

And keep your integrity? I don't think so, bucko.

Not one of you cunts can dig me out for my jokes ever again..

Brighton are definitely more of a threat to us than Spurs are. Spurs are passive, disjointed and they don't look fit, however they do have some exceptional players who can dig them out of trouble from a femto-chance. Brighton, by contrast, are hard-pressing, cohesive and fit as they come. They also have some exceptional players, Mitoma chief amongst them. Trippier would have to be on his game to pocket the lad. I think we've a comparatively easy run in, and this Villa result came at the right time, imo. Should give the boys a rocket up their collective nipsy.

Both. Our poor performances would have been irrelevant if Villa weren't on it, and if we were on it, their performance wouldn't have been as impactful. e.g. Bruno and the Joes in the middle were passive, disjointed, wasteful and unimaginative. Had they been anything like their usual levels than Buendia Ramsey and McGinn would not have had the time and space to cause our back line so many problems. If our back line didn't look knackered Watkins' movement wouldn't have been so damaging etc.

That photo is crying out for some Stokoeshop

Can you save it to a public repository?

Well, I guess Mum's won't be going to Iceland anymore.

Shame they're not back in League One as it'd be hilarious if our new U21 squad peppered with actual potential stars put their first team to the FUCKING SWORD.

I'm confused, can't you do both? Buy first team players to replace Ritchie and that lot, who are also upgrades on Longstaff and the others?

I like this way mucho. Thing is, we're very good at pressing high up the pitch, AND we're good at handling more direct balls. Dan Burn has the height advantage on literally every wide sided player so any high ball in that direction will be meat and drink for him. If they try and dick about at the back we'll nobble 'em, as we recently did to great effect against West Ham, Brentford and Man Utd.