The Fish

Fuck that, move to Cheshire. The trains are fine, worst you have to put up with is a Mortimerian Train Guy. Driving is better though, main roads can get canny busy, but the back roads are generally quieter and lovely countryside. Plus, and I know this would be a deal breaker, fewer seagulls.

And I appreciate your patronage.

Joe Fagone C'mon lads, do I have to do it all myself?

Intuition isn't measurable, but it isn't reliable either. He's not playing as well as the image some people have of him, but he's not playing particularly badly. The whole team is off at the minute, and I don't know why. Maybe it's the new additions, maybe it's old players disgruntled at being pushed to the side, maybe it's introducing a new system. But what it definitely isn't, is Bruno Guimaraes kissing the badge or bringing his baby onto the field. We're not pressing as well as we did last season, but that's across the whole team, so something's amiss there. And because we're not pressing, we're not as incisive, not as creative when we recover the ball. We look hesitant.

Is it, or have we played 4 of last seasons best sides, with a new system and a new midfielder? Bruno is still performing ok. I think he's just a victim of the issues above AND a victim of the hype that surrounds him.

What was that taken with? A Nokia 3310? re: shit holes I took the lad to the Gruffalo clubhouse in Blackpool last week. Jesus H tittyfucking Christ is Blackpool a horror show. Bloke passed out surrounded by cans in a doorway on the main seafront, houses and shop fronts boarded up, some with windows smashed in, families having to guide their kids around broken bottles on the street and all that stuff. Not blaming anyone who lives there, but it shows how little the government gives a shit about other people.

Jimmy Snuffit more like.

There is isn't any point in a "Play better!" bollocking. You have to instruct him what to do, why he needs to do it, what areas of his game are easily fixed with application and what the benefits will be to him and his team. This is the difference between a Roy Keane and an Eddie Howe. This isn't about PASHUN, it's about focus and confidence. You try focussing, or having confidence in something, while some drill sergeant is screaming that you are a 5' 6" pile of shit.

I dunno about you, but getting an aimless bollocking doesn't motivate me.

Well I just dropped my lad off at school for his first day. So I'll be wistfully looking of photos of him when he was a bairn for the rest of the morning. My ovaries clacking together like conkers battles before the fat cats in the EU ruined everything.

You're kicking up a fuss about the word fluid? How would you describe it then? "umuhhhh fingy like y'knaa geet changey abouty an that"

Trippier - Progressor Schar - Spreader Botman - Aggressor Burn - Safety Tonali - Creator Bruno - Creator Joelinton - Box crasher Gordon- Wide Threat Isak - Roamer Almiron - Box Crasher Wilson - Finisher Barnes - Wide Threat Anderson - Unlocker Longstaff - Orchestrator

Get fucked, that's not me you tuber tasting twat

Belated congrats PL. I'm not going to criticise the shirt. However, the 'Hello sailor' hand position?

It's a different type of pressure isn't it? The opportunities for disaster are far higher if Newcastle are dispossessed around their box, but when Joelinton is bursting through into the final 3rd, the risks aren't as high. You need someone like Bruno, who can win or receive the ball under pressure, and find a pass or move the ball up the pitch another way. Joelinton can't really do that. He can receive the ball around their box and either use his strength to hold it up for runners, or be that runner himself. That kind of play doesn't work in the defensive third.

Great minds. but what the hell were you thinking when you deliberately typed out "teqnique"? Are you just doing it to wind me up?

Joelinton is the most destructive player we have in terms of physicality and effort, but he's no DM. Defensive midfielders need a greater intelligence on, and awareness of, the pitch. You'd also lose one of his biggest assets; the ability to drive forward with the ball. He'll not beat a man with pace or trickery, but the power with which he attacks a defender scares the shit out of them. All three of them are best when they're progressing the ball forwards, either through power (Joe), passing (Sandro) or a bit of both (Bruno). All three would benefit hugely from someone like Rice, Caicedo, Rodri etc.

Definitely agree with this. Fluidity in the centre and up front too would make us very difficult to defend against, no matter if the opponents set up zonal or man for man. But it's very hard to get right and can lead to spaces appearing and being taken advantage of by the other team. Honestly, I think a top tier DM would mean that the front three and two of the 8s could provide the fluidity, because they have a solid base to build from. Unfortunately we'd have to spend nearly all of our annual budget to get a really top class one. Either that or stalk Brighton's scouts and gazump them when they settle on a 20yr old plying his trade in Bolivia's Liga Nacional B.

Looks like a melting tupperware tub.

"Dude"? We ok with this, guys?

I'd be shocked if DMs weren't high on the agenda, but given the fees being paid for them at the minute (thanks Chelsea, you bunch of cunts) plus the Newcastle tax, I'd not be surprised if those players were outside of our budget last window. To be honest, if Howe and the players can get it to work, then having a fluid midfield 3, who share and swap defensive and attacking responsibilities throughout the game, would be a sight to see. But you need intelligent footballers, who communicate constantly. I have faith in the coaches and the players to execute that, but it'll take time. And it might be worth only setting out like that against weaker opposition until they're comfortable.

He's playing averagely at the minute, which for him is below what we'd hope to see. But the whole team are misfiring at the minute, event he ebst performers (Tonali and Gordon) are only really looking good by comparison. I think it's a combination of key players being out of form for whatever reason (Pope, Bruno, Joelinton, etc.), the genuine quality of the opposition we've faced and the styles played by that opposition. e.g. Man City played a more defensive iteration of their system, with Guardiola shifting players into midfield to choke the influence of Joe, Sandro and Bruno. Liverpool were struggling with 11 men, but when they dropped to 10 they sat in deep, with excellent footballers. We struggle to get past a low block when the players are poor, it's nigh on impossible when they're good. Brighton was poor, to be fair, but they also focussed their play down the flanks and turned the centre into a negative space. For what it's worth, Bruno had the 2nd best pass completion % of our team (92%), the majority of them were forward, made 3/4 tackles. Yer boy Gilmour was 6th best at passing (88%) for Brighton, about half were backwards, made 0/4 tackles. The problem was our defence was wasteful in possession and made errors in positional and passing choices. Our forward line was starved of opportunities either through a stifling of our midfield, or poor positioning. We had a flurry of half chances just after we made substitutions, but in reality the only 'good' chance we had, was put away by Wilson We only had 9 shots, and only 2 on target. It's been said elsewhere, but we're essentially playing with three 8's and none of them seem to know when to go and when to cover. Tonali is avoiding any criticism because he's shiny and new, Joelinton is avoiding criticism because of his redemption arc and lower expectations, and so it's Bruno that's getting the stick when, realistically, he's not playing badly he's just not playing as well as he has done before. But that happens, I mean Trippier hasn't been anything like the presence that he was when he first joined and he hasn't for a while. But he's doing the basics right and he's a top professional so he gets a pass. I don't think there's any one player we should single out for criticism, I think there are issues with form for a few, and there's an issue with the system.

Oh well, if Billy fucking Gilmour had a better game on the weekend, we should all turn on Bruno and call him a "badge kisser", say that he's "not living up to the image he’s cultivated for himself since he joined the club" and have a go at him for being in "piss poor form". Pack it up, pack it all up lads, football is finished.

He's a mint footballer, just struggling for form at the minute. Leave Bruno alone.