The Fish

Get fucked, that's not me you tuber tasting twat

Belated congrats PL. I'm not going to criticise the shirt. However, the 'Hello sailor' hand position?

It's a different type of pressure isn't it? The opportunities for disaster are far higher if Newcastle are dispossessed around their box, but when Joelinton is bursting through into the final 3rd, the risks aren't as high. You need someone like Bruno, who can win or receive the ball under pressure, and find a pass or move the ball up the pitch another way. Joelinton can't really do that. He can receive the ball around their box and either use his strength to hold it up for runners, or be that runner himself. That kind of play doesn't work in the defensive third.

Great minds. but what the hell were you thinking when you deliberately typed out "teqnique"? Are you just doing it to wind me up?

Joelinton is the most destructive player we have in terms of physicality and effort, but he's no DM. Defensive midfielders need a greater intelligence on, and awareness of, the pitch. You'd also lose one of his biggest assets; the ability to drive forward with the ball. He'll not beat a man with pace or trickery, but the power with which he attacks a defender scares the shit out of them. All three of them are best when they're progressing the ball forwards, either through power (Joe), passing (Sandro) or a bit of both (Bruno). All three would benefit hugely from someone like Rice, Caicedo, Rodri etc.

Definitely agree with this. Fluidity in the centre and up front too would make us very difficult to defend against, no matter if the opponents set up zonal or man for man. But it's very hard to get right and can lead to spaces appearing and being taken advantage of by the other team. Honestly, I think a top tier DM would mean that the front three and two of the 8s could provide the fluidity, because they have a solid base to build from. Unfortunately we'd have to spend nearly all of our annual budget to get a really top class one. Either that or stalk Brighton's scouts and gazump them when they settle on a 20yr old plying his trade in Bolivia's Liga Nacional B.

Looks like a melting tupperware tub.

"Dude"? We ok with this, guys?

I'd be shocked if DMs weren't high on the agenda, but given the fees being paid for them at the minute (thanks Chelsea, you bunch of cunts) plus the Newcastle tax, I'd not be surprised if those players were outside of our budget last window. To be honest, if Howe and the players can get it to work, then having a fluid midfield 3, who share and swap defensive and attacking responsibilities throughout the game, would be a sight to see. But you need intelligent footballers, who communicate constantly. I have faith in the coaches and the players to execute that, but it'll take time. And it might be worth only setting out like that against weaker opposition until they're comfortable.

He's playing averagely at the minute, which for him is below what we'd hope to see. But the whole team are misfiring at the minute, event he ebst performers (Tonali and Gordon) are only really looking good by comparison. I think it's a combination of key players being out of form for whatever reason (Pope, Bruno, Joelinton, etc.), the genuine quality of the opposition we've faced and the styles played by that opposition. e.g. Man City played a more defensive iteration of their system, with Guardiola shifting players into midfield to choke the influence of Joe, Sandro and Bruno. Liverpool were struggling with 11 men, but when they dropped to 10 they sat in deep, with excellent footballers. We struggle to get past a low block when the players are poor, it's nigh on impossible when they're good. Brighton was poor, to be fair, but they also focussed their play down the flanks and turned the centre into a negative space. For what it's worth, Bruno had the 2nd best pass completion % of our team (92%), the majority of them were forward, made 3/4 tackles. Yer boy Gilmour was 6th best at passing (88%) for Brighton, about half were backwards, made 0/4 tackles. The problem was our defence was wasteful in possession and made errors in positional and passing choices. Our forward line was starved of opportunities either through a stifling of our midfield, or poor positioning. We had a flurry of half chances just after we made substitutions, but in reality the only 'good' chance we had, was put away by Wilson We only had 9 shots, and only 2 on target. It's been said elsewhere, but we're essentially playing with three 8's and none of them seem to know when to go and when to cover. Tonali is avoiding any criticism because he's shiny and new, Joelinton is avoiding criticism because of his redemption arc and lower expectations, and so it's Bruno that's getting the stick when, realistically, he's not playing badly he's just not playing as well as he has done before. But that happens, I mean Trippier hasn't been anything like the presence that he was when he first joined and he hasn't for a while. But he's doing the basics right and he's a top professional so he gets a pass. I don't think there's any one player we should single out for criticism, I think there are issues with form for a few, and there's an issue with the system.

Oh well, if Billy fucking Gilmour had a better game on the weekend, we should all turn on Bruno and call him a "badge kisser", say that he's "not living up to the image he’s cultivated for himself since he joined the club" and have a go at him for being in "piss poor form". Pack it up, pack it all up lads, football is finished.

He's a mint footballer, just struggling for form at the minute. Leave Bruno alone.

I know I was fucking knackered after ours was born and I definitely wasn't bothered at work.

And he's got a fortnight to work on preparing for the Brentford game. We took 4pts from these fixtures last season GF4 GA4 PTS 4 GF7 GA7 PTS 3 I was angry straight after the game, but a little time and a little cogitation and I'm back to being Zen AF

He hasn't been bad, per se, just not hitting the heights he managed last season. Part of it is definitely playing alongside an injured Joelinton and an inexperienced-in-the-Premier League Tonali. But part of it may well be the new born taking it's toll on his attention and energy levels. I honestly think the system is ok, needs a tweak or two, but it's fine. We just look like a side that's having to face the hardest start in the Premier League and the hardest start by some measure. It's not just the quality of the opposition, but their style of play too. Their styles either nullify our midfield, or circumvent it.

And Doncaster just scored. Ironside, wasn't he the Newcastle fan who dumped us out of the cup last season? Edit, aye, he is

Just turned the Everton game on to see one of the Toffeemen put the ball out of play under no pressure whatsoever.

Woah woah woah, Gemmil's Everton predictions are an integral part of Toontastic lore. You back the fuck off

Nope the right Monsieur Piscine, just a random "hey you're over 40, lets get you in for an MOT." Everything is rosy. Even passed the lie detector test. "How much do you drink? Ok, but how much do you really drink?" Bloods came back clean too. Makes me think too much was made at Uni of the threat excessive drinking and illegal drugs are to your health. I ate, drank and took like I was immortal, seems like maybe I am.

Genuinely can't believe Man Utd have already been handed 6pts by the PGMOL

Ahhhhhhhhhhbollocks

The Crapico? Need Forest and Fulham to both hold on for at least a point to bring a bet home. Got another on Wolves Everton to end 0-0 or 1-1