Ketsbaia

Pay players a working wage of 14k p/a, strikers get 30k every time they score a goal, midfielders for every assist, defenders and goalkeepers for every clean sheet. Add a 50k win bonus on top. Done.

I'd rather thumb wire wool up my arsehole than sit through an Alan Carr 'gig'.

Can't be any worse than giving it to Martins.

Most of the stewards were good craic and just let you get on with it but there was one jobsworth, complete with headset, who took it upon himself to act like a complete wanker. Good game. I've got really bad sunburn

I hope KK is correct and he wins every cent of the cash he is owed. It wont effect us. We're fucked regardless. Go King Kev.

Barton was useless today. Np passion, no energy, no pace...I thought he'd be one of the players to set us apart but he has been shit. He's shirked away from any responsibility within the team. I hope his legs drop off. Enrique had a fairly dodgy outing too. Which isn't good but he was still our best defender. Two Pools was canny but nowt amazing. Hughton started wrongly but I cant remember the last time an NUFC manager actually used subs effectively so kudos to him. Two up front needs to be the norm. Dutland Custard is lersh.

Lets not talk about 451 as if it's the norm. Hughton has had that forced on him by virtue of the fact we had one, possibly two strikers. I'm certain he'll revert back to 442 tomorrow.

4-0 Carroll x 2, Guthrie and Ranger

Ranger looked fucked towards the end against Cardiff. I can only assume he didn't want to burn him out. Agree with that. Nee idea. Because until very recently he's had to. Assuming Lovenkrands isn't fully match fit then Ranger was effectively our only striker.

I have lost all faith in Him. 'Him' being the our lord, the one true God almighty.

Nicky Butt brings nothing to the team other than fouls, bad passes and ginger hair. The first black mark against Hughton this season for me starting with one up front. As I said over on N-O if you're going to play one man up top then someone who can hold the ball up is preferable to someone whose strength is flicking the ball on.

Cuntflaps.

1-0 Carroll!

Colo nearly made it two in two

There's no doubt in my mind Alonso must've known something was going to happen. If I was a driver and the carefully calculated strategy the team had been working was thrown out of the window at the last second for something which, on paper, looks daft considering my position, i'd be inclined to kick up a stink ot at least ask why.

Indeed. Completely bizarre he got a second chance after last season.

I can't help but think the FIA are going to use the admission from Flav and PS to dish out a pretty soft punishment to Renault. The last think they want is another constructor to leave the sport.

Flav and Symonds have admitted guilt in the race fix row. They've left Renault.

Some of these selections are Championship Manageresque Lua Lua has only played half a dozen games, none of which he's been hugely convincing in as of yet. Jonas' lack of an end product is annoying but at this level he's always going to terrorise wingers and full backs in this league. Vuckic has barely hit puberty and should be a bench warmer for the foreseeable future unless we're hit by another spate of injuries. It rarely plays off to throw a kid in at the deepend in the way suggested. When everyone is fit we go with this: Harper Simpson Taylor Colo Enrique Raylor Guthrie Smith Jonas Ameobi Carroll Subs: Krul, Kadar, Geremi, Barton, Lua Lua, Lovenkrands, Ranger Nicky 'Old Yeller' Butt should be taken around the back of the training ground and shot by Colin Calderwood, he's way past his sell by date and he may have rabies.

I'm suggesting he is good enough to be in the three, but obviously won't get in because of the league he is in. It says more about the standard of English keepers than OMG1!!1!ZZZ HARPS IZ GODZ!!!! However if you want to try and stove my head through a car door for such a trivial matter then please, come and have a go. I am proper fucking mental so I may well do just that. PM me your address and i'll be round after tea tomorrow night.

I like a lot of his music but he doesn't half come across as a chubby cheeked arsehole.

Surely the Harper for England stuff was put to bed last season after his uniformly average-to-poor performances? Anyone who is seriously suggesting he should be on the plane to South Africa on the back of a handful of performances in a league which, lets face it, is a bit shit needs their head stoving through with a car door.

Sunderland really isn't anything special. Your typical grotty northern town with the occasional bit of semi-decent modern architecture thrown in. It's bipolar as fuck. That's not to say Sunderland doesn't have it's nice parts, they're just not that groundbreaking.

Awful performance from us but apart from the last ten minutes when Cardiff really came at us and had a few good penalty shouts we didn't look in danger of losing the lead. Enrique and Simpson both played well, Smith was canny but it became clear after about 30 minutes he was going to get sent off and I was amazed Harper only came out and punched the ball once I don't think Ranger had as good of a game as some people want to believe he had. That's not to say he played bad, he did all he could playing up top by himself, but there were a few instances when he lacked a bit of maturity. I still think he'll be a good player in years to come but it's clear he's still growing.

It's been gash for me too. Long loading times and the more than occasional crash.