Ketsbaia

If we sign Darren Bent my season ticket is getting sent back. I can do without watching Pardew try to play him as a number ten. Shit's bad enough.

Nee chance. The stewards threaten to chuck you out if you hang it on the netting above the seats.

They look good but I'm not sure he gives a shit. He's got our money.

Full scale boycotts and civil disobedience within the stadium are probably the only ways he would actually sit up and take any notice of the fans, even then I doubt he'd change tact or sell up.

Hit him hard with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign.

There's a Wee Phillie sex tape. I haven't seen it, but I've been assured it exists.

Ashley isn't invested in the club enough to really give a shit about bedsheet protests and walkouts. The only language he understands is money.

I go to watch the Heed and my Grandad is a lapsed Dundee fan, so those two I suppose. I keep an eye on St. Pauli's results but that's because I'm a football hipster and therefore a terrible, terrible arsehole.

Next season is my last. It's a chore watching us at the best of times, but it's going to be painful turning up every Saturday to support a shithouse Newcastle side managed by that slimy dodgepot knowing that the height of our ambition is midtable. Fuck that.

Likewise. Until they take the cups seriously they're not getting my cash for them.

Not invading half the globe and subjugating millions might've been a start, like. Shit like that tends to upset people.

They were accepting them in the first place?

I'd just like to confirm I was not involved in this, in spite of my reputation as a radgie bassa and resident of Washy.

I've put together a short survey regarding the use of Twitter amongst our players for my dissertation and would be absolutely cock in hand if as many of you as possible could take five minutes out to complete it. https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/footballersandtwitter Thanks in advance.

You can keep him. Krul's an absolute monster and from what I saw of Forster last preseason I wasn't impressed. Mobility of a wardrobe and flaps like fuck whenever the ball comes it above eye level. Good shot stopper, but Krul is by far and away the more complete goalkeeper.

If Fred comes in you're still fucked but it'll just be dragged out over a much longer period of time whereby he'll make ridiculous pronouncements in the media, he'll undermine your managers and he'll still find a way to cream off millions of quid in spite of the fact the club is haemorrhaging cash. Sorry.

Any idea which (if any) bars in town will have this on?

I quite like Pards, but I'd never have had him down as a managerial heavyweight who can get under the skin of others with a few well placed words ala Mourinho or Fergie. Either I've grossly underestimated his abilities or Artie Ziff is really quite thin skinned

Standard Mackem response to almost any post that includes words they can't understand.

I fucking love you Gene.

Every fucker on there thinks they're a latter bloody day Clive Bissel. Truth is that you don't "take" anywhere or "lay out" anyone nowadays, regardless of whether you're a Newcastle fan going to the SoS or a Mackem coming here. You shuffle from the station to the ground and then back again while surrounded by a few dozen rozzers filming you while occasionally giving it the big'un to the opposition fans a few hundred yards away.

True dat. Remember how they "dominated" us at their place earlier in the season despite seeing less of the ball and having fewer shots? In hindsight it's plain to see that our relegation did more damage to their support than to us. They were cocksure that our demotion was the start of a long period of red and white dominance in the North East but instead they stagnated while we bounced back. They only took a point from their "easy six" against us last season and finished ahead of us by virtue of the fact our players decided to go on their jollies with 45 minutes of the season left. This season has compounded the misery because while they're doing decent enough under O'Neill they still have to come to terms with the fact that their bigger, brighter, more attractive and more financially prudent neighbours who not three years ago were the laughing stock of the entire nation are 10 points ahead of them and currently competing to return to European competition. The longer this goes on the further they seem to slide towards complete insanity. Tinfoil bonnets on their heads (under their Sports Direct carrier bags, of course) while they scream about refereeing conspiracies, the Geordie Mafia and magedia.

Christ, he couldn't fit any more national flag pinbadges on his collar if he tried. Guaranteed he's a bloody card carrying members of the EDL.