Optimistic Nut

South African loses his leg in a gold mine accident, "I'm f*cked now!" he screams. "Who'd want a one-legged gold digger?" "NOT ME!"......replies Paul McCartney.

A lot of clubs would die for a striker who's scored 9 in 3 of his last 4 seasons as a squad member. I'd keep Shola definitely.

As Craig said, we have a black & white day every other weekend in Newcastle, and if we want to remember Shearer we can watch our videos & DVDs.

According to an Italian fan on N-O, Milan are involved too and face a point deduction themselves!

Summer is coming... BBQ After long months of cold & winter, we are finally coming up to summer & BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine... 1) The woman buys the food. 2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, & makes dessert. 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils & sauces, & takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand. Here comes the important part: 4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL. More routine.... 5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates & cutlery. 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her & asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation. Important again: 7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL & HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN. More routine..... 8.) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces & brings them to the table. 9) After eating, the woman clears the table & does the dishes. And most important of all: 10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN & THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. 11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

If we're going pound for pound waste of space then it's got to be Marcelino, Shirley? But Boumsong just pips it for me, by being the worst defender I've ever seen, anywhere. 136151[/snapback] Don't agree on Boumsong. If we hadn't signed him and we were stuck with O'Brien & Elliott as a partnership during the second half of last season rather than Boumsong (who was canny if nowt special), I think we'd have finished much lower than 14th.

Weren't the French FA against the move to Newcastle and sided with Le Havre?

Only 3 more years until he can play for England.

Was originally named in the squad earlier this week, but the French FA have left him out due to an ongoing dispute between Newcastle, Le Havre & the French FA. I hope this doesn't unsettle the lad.

That would make no sense whatsoever to get rid of 7 players...particularly Moore, Babayaro & Bramble when we're not exactly blessed in numbers in defence anyway.

Exactly. And people thought Souness would sign Neill, Stead, Amoruso, etc. yet signed Parker, Emre & Owen. 135524[/snapback] You hardly need world class scouts to sign those players though, but they were good signings. 135666[/snapback] That's what I mean though. You don't need to be a big-name manager to attract players if you have the money...although I doubt Roeder will have that. Plus signing Babayaro & Moore for £1.5m the pair wasn't the worst business in the club's history.

And the club nickname "The Underfeltmen" where they got paid their "bonuses in carpet glue in order to avoid tacs". ITV has to repeat this sometime. Mike Bassett was a clear rip-off of it.

Class. Brian Moore doing the commentary as well.

Aye, the famous "sloping pitch" played on a hill. Alan Hardy: "We're playing against eleven men and *BEEP*ing Isaac Newton!" Tim Healy: "I've never heard so much *BEEP*ing *BEEP* in all my *BEEP*ing life." AH: "Second half just shoot from any *BEEP*ing where and we'll score" TH: "Do you wanna *BEEP*ing manage this team?" AH: "Yes!!" TH: "Well I'm the *BEEP*ing manager God help me and you all do what I *BEEP*ing say" AH: "Nobody understands a *BEEP*ing word, you *BEEP*ing say" Classic.

Exactly. And people thought Souness would sign Neill, Stead, Amoruso, etc. yet signed Parker, Emre & Owen.

Buffon could face an 18-month ban as well for betting on football. Heavy stuff!

Was skimming through all my old taped VHS videos having a clearout, when I came across this f*cking classic of a TV football film that was shown on ITV in 1999. Starred Tim Healy, and also had Nick Hancock, Ralph Ineson (Finchy off The Office), Ralf Little and a few old stars off Corrie (including the man who is the Banker on Deal or No Deal who plays a legend of a character called Alan Hardy. Can anyone remember this? The sloping pitch, the coach driver, the gay paedophilic physio, the poet Scottish centre-forward, and the young Peter Beardsley kicked out of the club for not being good enough. One of the all-time classics for me.

Class.

Everyone says his first season was his best, I disagree. His 3rd season where he scored 12 and made f*ck knows how many he was playing more as a team player, was tracking back & generally playing well. After the Arsenal league game though he just went to pot.

46?

He went one summer too late. He should have went after the 2003-4 season. He'd had a great run from September to March that season, but after he got snubbed by France after that good run for Bruno Cheyrou on the back of 3 good games for Liverpool, he just seemed to give up.

He was a waster...but we'd never have went anywhere near the top 4 without him. Factzemonde-o.

Should have been a mix of past & present players. And not Newcastle v Celtic. Something like an England XI v Alan Shearer XI, with people like Batty, Le Tissier, Hendry, Flowers, Sutton, Ruddock, Ripley, Ferdinand, etc.

Only the players who've played against him week-in, week-out?