k4t0

So fucking bad. Our fans are switching off radios by the droves. downhill slide from here, fat cunt should have taken action.

I think th eplayers are telling us they want the fuckwit out tbh

what a load of shit. Im past fed up already with this game, fucking joke. The entire team out, fucking lazy wankers

Its a loss tonite I feel, were fucked. Souness has worked his magic and his team is complete

Souness - "i cant deny it any more, i need a proper excuse" "now get that camera outa my face, i darent look at it"

I can see these ladies have been busy

BE WARNED! I don't how many of you shop at Tesco, but this may be useful to know. I am posting this to you to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me at Tesco in Newcastle and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the boot. They both start wiping your windscreen with a rag and Windolene, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Tesco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday.

went up to 2 thousand, can barely lift my arm hes been hit 3.3 million times and is in the top ten of all time good for him.

1110 punches thrown yoooooooooou Cunt. Feel better now somewhat

im not stopping until i reach 1000, just shy of 500 now. Just doing my bit

ive done it and my eyes are still in ?

I remember in my secondary someone shat on the lid, there was a queue outside the shitters of people waiting to see a shit on a lid. Priceless.

I was once playing golf and was hungover as fuck, by the third hole my gut started to feel a bit fucked, like when you know you need a shite but can manage to back the fucker up for as long as needs be. Anyway as time went on my guts started feeling worse, by the 6th i was starting to feel bloated as fuck, and taking golf swings wasnt helping, my walking slowed down as I lumbered behind letting out the odd silent fart in an effort to release the build up. Didnt work, it got to the point that I could hardly breathe, I started burping and the poo beeps were like one long endless fart, looking back, I was fucked. I must have backed it up that much me shit had rebelled and was after coming out of my mouth, fuck me it was bad. Anyway, near the thirteenth hole I saw a hedge with a ditch behind it, I told the two lads I was playing with to keep a lookout cause I was going to shit me mouth if I didnt deal with it, hopped over the hedge and into the ditch pulled my pants down so fast that my arse nearly came off with them. As soon as I went to crouch my arsehole exploded letting rip with the most gutwrenching high speed sloppy shite I have ever performed, it was that bad my legs wobbled and nearly went. It stopped, I was shaken. Then the fucker came back for seconds, same again, it could hardly be called shit, shitwater yes, shit, no. It was horrible, like a river of shit running through the grass, my mates were pissing themselves so I got up, pulled th etrousers back on and went to rejoin th egame, I got to the hedge when the urge came again, ran down, dropped the pants and whoosh, like a fucking train came the longest and strongest shite i have the unfortunate memory of performing, judging by the speed and time it took Id say about two foot long. That was a nasty fucker, it meant business, and it stung. I rejoined the course but was forced to play behind them as I had shit on th ebottom of my trousers and it must have stunk, I was too shook up to notice, felt fucking marvellous afterwards though, well, until the piles kicked in. going to the chemist for prep h isnt a nice experience, "do you want the suppositories or the cream love" those words will haunt me forever. "erm, its for me nana, I dunno" Never been back to the course.

The suspect is a Medium pepperoni pizza... 78240[/snapback] Wearing a tomato skin

78224[/snapback] That was actually meant to be qouting so's story with the dog, funny mistake though I guess.

I was once sat down waiting for a turd to commence when I realised that the bathroom door was unlocked, I heard my sister coming up the stairs so lurched up to lock the door. This must have provided the adequate pressure and gave the right amount of purchase because a pebble shit was fired from my arse with a pop sound, I turned round and it had spliced itself onto the shitter lid with such force it had amost splintered in two and ricoched off the lid. Near scrape with death tbh

Heres another great one... Pissed one night me and my mate went back to my house to continue drinking and meet some laydees. Outside of my house he would only go and notice the car of the bloke that sacked him 3 months previously! Anyway, needing a turd he decided it would be clever to remove a hubcap from the car and lay a footlong in it, great idea I thought, off you pop, I'll be in the flat. So I woke the next morning to see the biggest trail of mashed shit going up the road I have ever seen in my life, nowt cuts like a hubcap spinning at speed. His car must have stank!

Ive raced motocross bikes in my time, I remember one time when I was practising and felt the urge to crimp off a length, I had just past the pit lane so had to do one lap tensed up. I aproached a jump had to let loose of the grip I had on my shite, the head popped out as I left the jump and i caught it with a swift clench of the cheeks in mid air, Irelaxed again upon landing, had a tankslapper and whacked my arse off the seat, which had the lovely effect of smashing the turd back up my shitter. Not pleasant, but it took a while before thta shite came back for seconds, I think i must have concussed it

Got fucked on the train????

I hate having an explosive shit style turd while out in public, you have to go, you dont have a choice. Its like russian roulette with your arse "is that a fart?" Anyway, In those situations I tend to hover over the shitter lid, on one leg sometimes, the other one on the door if the fucking locks missing. I find 3 inches is the ideal height to release, thus preventing a huge splash of dirty public shitter water on your arse and legs.

Lasses also claim not to look at the paper before they flush, dirty fuckers. How do they know there arse is clean? That should be an interview question I think. "do you look at the paper after wiping your arse?" No. "get out of my office you scruffy fuck" Does anyone else put paper down to prevent splashback aswell, or is it just me? I hate the cold water on the ring, causes me to tense up and commence a restraining program to lure the shit back to the light.

Bastards, I wanted him to stand like a right cock with a bunch of flowers and a side parting Aye, I dont think shes interested either, shes being polite as to not cause problems at work. Simple, move on and find another lady to take to the gun show.

Mind, she could die of embarrasment at the same time so make sure to wear an open top balaclava

Get up early, make sure you look as dapper as poss, full side parting and all then wait in the entrance where you work for her to arrive, standing with a bouqet of flowers. When she walks in just walk over and hand her the flowers before saying... "alreet pet, when can I get in yer doggers" If your prepared to humiliate yourself that much for the love of a woman she will be in your arms in no time, its not what you say but what you are prepared to do for them that counts.