BlueStar

1) Oh look, you've been captured and lost all your weapons. Go and get them all back again over the course of the next few levels. 2) Obligatory sewer level 3) You've defeated the boss!... In his human form. Watch as he now predicably turns into a big alien/demon/mechanoid thing, leaving you wonder why he didn't just attack you like that in the first place. 4) This route is blocked by boiling hot steam. Go and turn the big "turn off the steam" cog, like you've done in every other game. 5) Weapons in first person shooters - pistol -> shotgun -> Machine gun -> rocket launcher -> sniper rifle -> laser/alien weapon. They must buy in bulk. 6) All you need is this gem to defeat evil. Oh no, it's shattered and parts of it are now in ice world, fire world, candy world, halloween world, hi-tech world... Anyone got any more?

Supposed to be 15 Million Euros, isn't it?

Pistone carried off as well, Stellios had a goal disallowed - I'm willing to take bribes to put players you want injured in my fantasy team if you like.

BlueStar says Bacon 'may be wanker'

Fer fecks sake, a grand total of 3 points so far this week: Put Emre in the day before he was crocked, bellamy' fucked again, solanos on the bench cos liverpool are sniffing round him, Gerrard got taken off injured, stellios isn't getting played because they're fannying around about if he's going to citeh, my subs are all 15 year olds and has beens. I feel like fuckin souness! It's the kiss of death being put in my fantasy team!

Does exactly what it says on the tin http://www.stuffonmycat.com

Hot dog, jumping frog, Albert Luque...

My fault - put him in my feckin fantasy team yesterday, should have known that was the kiss of death.

OK, firstly, we didn't appeal. Secondly, how come FIFA have only bothered to say this when we get a red card, when english clubs have been appealing against red cards for years?

I'd imagine if you brought it back now you'd get lots of chavers walking around with their tops off to show off how many lashes they'd got and how hardcore they were. "Did it hurt?" "Nah!" Bearing in mind there was a trend amongst chavers at my school to walk around with a big scar and welt in the middle of your forehead where you'd got your mate to shoot you with an air rifle.

The main problem is mackem mothers sending their kids through the metro tunnels late at night to escape into Newcastle and claim asylum in the hope of a better life.

Advice for people travelling to Saudi Arabia: I dunno what's worse, having little chaver gits doing what they want, or not being able to have a pint, a bacon sarnie and a copy of Swank.

Hold on... is the Medina on here actually the real Medina, or have I just been wooshed? I thought the Medina on here was just a joke account to take the piss?

The title of the thread sounds like it should be a really poor sitcom. Remember on the other board when we could change the adverts at the top of the page by putting certain words in our posts

And if you think you're going to get interactive by pressing the red button, you've got another fuckin' thing coming...

Barnaby the Great White Prehensile Tentacle

No man, I said if you were sexually frustrated you should shag WHORES.

He was only on the bench today, wasn't he?

Mmmmm.... beer....

Keegan: I wouldn't really mind if we didn't beat them. And Alex Ferguson's comments on Stuart Pearce were well though out and justified.

Today, aye, but I'm hoping everton will be the same bunch of boring bastards as last season

It's "the aristocrats" joke, that's been an inside joke on the comedy circuit for years, as people like penn and teller would update a joke with no real punchline to try and make it as offensive as possible. i know eddy izzards got a version of it floating round on the net somewhere too. Didn't really get lots of coverage until they did the south park version of it.

Final team