trophyshy

Fellaini must be boiling with that wig on

Fist is still at it as I recall.

I had 3 tequilas before half 6 last night. I feel like a pig shat in my head.

I wish it was, but no, it's true, every word of it. Though all this happened 20 years ago, I remember it like it happened yesterday, especially the second episode that I had. The first time that it happened wasn't too bad as I had managed to hold off until I was only footsteps away from the toilet. I was able to get into a cubicle and clean most of it up early enough, and there wasn't much of it there, though I knew I couldn't continue on with my day at school, I went to the office which was quiet at the time (my luck) and had them ring me dad to pick me up. The second time though was a completely different story. I was in a maths class at the time and started getting cramps and started to sweat bullets. I tried to hold it in, but the urge to shit came and went three times and I knew I had to go, so I asked the teacher as casually as possible (who was fucking hot and rumour had it - though unsubstantiated as most school rumours are - that she was an ex centre-fold model) that I needed to go to the toilet. I can only imagine the kind of expression on me face. She obliged and I tried to walk out casually as possible, though I would have been slightly hunched over for sure and I had well and truly lost control of my bowel movement by this time. I went straight to the office this time round, no fucking about, but to my horror the office was full of people everywhere and here I was trying to navigate around, by quick-pace then slow-pace, to avoid people catching wind of me. Got the key to the toilet and went straight in and locked the door. There was shit everywhere, it took me an age to clean myself up, the office lady even knocked on the door twice to see if I was OK. To make matters worse there was a clear, visible, small wet patch on me trousers which added to my stress - I wondered if anyone had seen it. Anyway I did me best, and shoved plenty of rolled up bog-roll between my arse and balls, and my undies. I took my jacket off and tied it around me waist to cover the wet patch and I lengthened the straps on my backpack so that it would come down and cover my backside as I carried it. Fuck I must have looked the biggest tit in the world walking out of the school that day. It was the worst day of my life to this point and fucked my confidence for a short while. Funny looking back at it now though.

Most lasses have kebabs that smell like caviar tbf.

Congrats to Ablitz and SLP! How many goes did it take? I'm beginning to think my knackers are knackered like. Not been particularly careful and been going at it like the clappers for 25 years.

Subtle. Just keeping his memory alive.

What's even worse is those flat ones that pay out fuck all.

'Newcastle's crowds have dropped throughout the recession despite a bevy of starlets been acquired by Derek Llambias.'

To come clean, as it were, wor lass bought series one off Amazon for £8. After hating the first two I started to appreciate the oddness of it. I watch fuck all telly like, so maybe I have a wonky yardstick. The only other thing I ever see is Come, Dine with Me and that's never what I think it's going to be.

Well I think it's quite entertaining balls, like a hot oil massage round your nads on a Thai beach. Few grains of sand, aye, but worth it.

It's not shit, Gemmill just doesn't get it. It's not great either mind, I'll say that. It's watchable/bizarre/ridiculous/amusing.

I think quizzies have cameras sensing how many people are playing, I always do loads better when my thick mates aren't there.

What a fucking mamp queen. Still he's uglier than a weekend in Hull so fair play.

OWN the machines, that's where the smart money goes.

Was he suffocated with a pilau?

Serves you right for doing it on normal.

Deader's favourite mackem band;

There must be an appropriate job for such creative and determined swearing.

Don't tell him Pike!

Surely one of the high flyers/entrepreneurs on here could give Deaders his chance?