ohhh_yeah

Broke his arm while playing as a guest in a "staff" match.

pic.twitter.com/WraY66EFsY

Do you teach all of your family to use a fork in each hand? The plate to fork ratio is off.

611. Sometimes it feels like Premier League management resembles a Chinese fingertrap – the harder you work to try to put it right, the tighter the vice around your neck becomes. Alan Pardew is working hard right now: desperately trying to convince anyone in sight that he deserves a chance to rehabilitate both his own and Newcastle United’s reputation next season. There is a lot of talk, plenty of theories and a lot of different systems and configurations as he tries to catch a break. Each one only seems to succeed in hammering another dent in the theory that he is the man to take the club forward. On Monday, despite evidence to the contrary, he insisted United had played well at Arsenal. All the while, Hatem Ben Arfa was killing him softly in a Quayside hotel in an interview that was set up by a PR agency who used to manage David Beckham’s brand. It was a cute move by Ben Arfa, who circumnavigated United’s self-imposed media blackout on their squad to return his name to the top of the black-and-white agenda. Try as he might, Pardew cannot lance the Ben Arfa-shaped boil that has grown since Yohan Cabaye left for Paris with the last vestiges of Newcastle’s creativity with him. Say what you will about the Frenchman, but he is acutely aware of our ongoing fascination with him. The Journal alone has published 611 articles that feature him prominently since he joined the club in 2010, which is some ratio for a midfielder who has started just 55 games for Newcastle and had a direct influence on even fewer. Having worked with him day-in and day-out, Pardew and his players probably wander what all the fuss is about. The last time he started, at Southampton, he was whipped off after 45 minutes and it felt as if Pardew was giving the midfielder the rope with which to hang himself. But it misses the point, doesn’t it? Ben Arfa’s name does not ring out from the away end at the Emirates because of any great contribution he has made in the last six months. It is what he represents they’re calling for: that dash of creativity, the frisson of excitement and electricity that has been singularly missing from Newcastle for most of the Pardew years. On his day Ben Arfa is a class act but there is no room for mavericks in Pardew’s set-up – and not really much hope these days either. The harder Pardew has tried to make his Newcastle side compact and resolute the worse it has become in recent weeks. Every week after each of the six defeats he has drawn up a new plan but they all seem to centre around stopping the opposition from running through his team so easily. Whatever happened to other teams worrying about Newcastle? I don’t doubt that Ben Arfa can be a nightmare. I’m sure he can be unmanageable, moody and impossible at times. He’s probably not that popular with some of his team-mates either. Joey Barton was too though, and Pardew managed to accommodate him – even when it became quite blindingly obvious that he had talked his way out of favour with Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias. “I want him to stay,” the manager said about Barton in the summer of 2011 – not words you’re likely to hear about Ben Arfa. Yet I know who the better, more imaginative player is. A lot of water has passed under the bridge since Pardew arrived at Newcastle promising an attacking team to get supporters off their feet. These days managing Newcastle seems like a damage-limitation exercise from a manager working furiously to stem the avalanche that is heading his way.

lapping it up.

Beet juice dressing? See it on a mushroom, cucumber, and the side of the plate.

Simply the best? I enjoy hearing Terry and Mourinho whinging.

This interview will be detested by Ashley and Pardew. Reported that this was not sanctioned by the club. Depressing reading his version of the events. There is not a more popular player at Newcastle United than Hatem Ben Arfa, yet he has been frozen out of the first team squad by Alan Pardew, an unpopular manager who is fighting to save his job. In the story of an unravelling season at St James’ Park, this is a fascinating sub plot. Ben Arfa is the fans’ favourite who says he wants to help reverse a run of form that has seen Newcastle lose 14 out of their last 19 games, including the last six on the spin. Pardew is the beleaguered manager who has been abused by his own supporters, not just for his apparent inability to inspire the team, but also for the decision to ostracise Ben Arfa. Newcastle are a team desperate for creative inspiration like a fish gasping for air on a river bank and the fans know it. Rarely does a game go by when they do not chant Ben Arfa’s name, but it seems Pardew no longer shares their faith in the France international. Having tried to claim Ben Arfa was injured a few weeks ago, Pardew admitted after the drab 3-0 defeat at Arsenal, that he had not picked him because he did not think he merited a place in the squad.I just want to play,” said Ben Arfa, as he gazed out over the River Tyne through the window of a Quayside hotel. “I'm fit. I'm not injured. I feel sad and frustrated, but not angry. I want to help my team and I can’t. It hurts a lot. I think I can offer my flair, my creativity offensively. “I don’t know why I’m not playing. You have to ask the manager, it is not my decision. This has been the hardest season for me at Newcastle. “He [Pardew] told me I had to score more and get more assists for everybody's confidence, the supporters, the players and him. I said ‘okay, but I have to play.” Asked whether he feels he has been made a scapegoat for the team’s problems since Christmas, there is a lengthy pause before he replies: "I can't be the only reason for the problem. “I can only do so much and I am not on the pitch. Maybe if I I'm on the pitch and we lose five nil I get blamed and that is normal. I take a lot of responsibility. “Every player needs confidence. Every player in the world needs confidence to show their best. It is hard to come in [from the bench] during games and it is very hard for the player if you are substituted at half time, like I was against Southampton. It hurt me so bad. I had tried, it was very hard.” Ben Arfa is quick to add that he “respects” the manager’s decision and denied he has fallen out with Pardew, adding that he has “been good for Newcastle.” They still speak at the training ground, although he admitted they had argued in the dressing room earlier this month. “There is not a problem, just after the game against Manchester United,” he explained. “We had an exchange of words, but that is it. That happens in every team where the players and the manager want to win. At 27, Ben Arfa should be in his prime. He should be going to the World Cup with France, but he cannot even get on the bench for his club. He has spent the last two weeks “training with the reserves.” The former Marseille and Lyon star is a wonderful footballer, but there have been question marks surrounding his conditioning. There have also been whispers he no longer has many friends in the dressing room because of his attitude. That is also put to him. “If the manager doesn’t pick, he doesn’t pick me. I don’t know about any problems with teammates. I have a lot of good friends at the club. All I know is that I want to train and I want to play and that’s it.” Ben Arfa, a player once described as Pardew as his match winner, has started just 13 league games this season, a stat made all the more bewildering given he would appear to have been the perfect replacement in the “number 10” role after Yohan Cabaye was sold to Paris Saint Germain. “I would play as the number 10 or on the right if the manager wanted me,” Ben Arfa added. “The most important thing for me is, I have a responsibility to the team, but I also need confidence to build my best game and I don’t have that. "It would be better if I had five games to show what I can do. I think Pardew believes in me, but he doesn’t show. I don’t know why. “When I see we are losing games 3-0, 4-0, it is very hard for me. If I was involved [against Cardiff] on Saturday, I think I could make a difference. I would like to try. Ben Arfa could be demanding to leave in the summer, but he has made it clear he does not want to abandon the supporters who idolise him. “If the manager say to me he don't believe in me for next season, I still want to stay,” he explained. “But if the president wants to sell me, I have to go then. “The love of the fans is a big, big thing for me and that's why I want to stay here next season because I want to give back everything they gave me you know. They use big words like “legend” when they speak to me. They give me a lot of confidence, a lot of love and I want to give that love back. “My dream is to be in the top-four next season with Newcastle, to get into the Champions League or to win a cup.”

According to Wikipedia he has that number of wins. Do not think that is the reasoning behind the scheduled time.

Bitter that this will not be made into a major motion picture.

After reading this quote I believe he would be a perfect match for the squad. Salivating at the thought of Williamson or Dummett hoofing the ball up field in the general direction of him. After six seasons of Pardew instructing the team to employ these tactics maybe we can witness a Championship trophy hoisted. “Take a ball, stand in the garden, kick it as high as you can and try and control it without letting it bounce. That always helped me. I’d play out the front of the house, kicking the ball against the wall, left foot, right foot, over and over again. If you keep working on it, working on it, working on it, eventually it will come.”

I despise the mornings I go out onto to my patio and I have a neighbor's chicken waltz up to me to sniff my leg.

Newcastle slipped to a sixth consecutive defeat on Monday night, losing 3-0 at Arsenal, and it is clear for all to see that they are team with absolutely no creative spark. The statistics are damning: The Magpies have scored only once in this dreadful run of defeats and they haven't found the net away from St James' Park in six hours of football. They've failed to score in 13 of their last 16 games. These numbers make the absence of Hatem Ben Arfa ever since match-day 18 look absolutely ridiculous. "With the ball at his feet, he's magic. As magic as Suarez or Messi at times. We had to work with him to understand exactly what he's about. He has got a special talent, we know he's special." The words of Alan Pardew talking about Ben Arfa two years ago after the Frenchman's brilliant display in a 2-0 win over Liverpool. Yet now it is unlikely Ben Arfa will ever play for Newcastle again, and although he has to take his fair share of responsibility for that, the way he has been handled by Pardew has been very poor. The relationship has broken down to such an extent that Ben Arfa's agent recently suggested he will invoke FIFA's 'Article 17' clause to escape from the club in the summer. This clause would allow Ben Arfa to buy himself out of the final year of his contract and leave with Newcastle receiving no transfer fee. So where did it all go wrong for Ben Arfa? His manager's inability to deal with "flair" footballers is the biggest part of the problem. Pardew is an old fashioned manager whose setup of a football team requires 'grafters' and little else. Players like Yoan Gouffran, huge heart but little creative ability, are a dream for the Newcastle manager. Pardew can barely mention Ben Arfa's name without referring to "work rate" and while it is true that all players must play their part, work rate should not be the be all and end all of every player’s selection -- if it is, you find yourself scoring only once in nine hours of football. When Ben Arfa has struck form at Newcastle, he has been a real joy to watch. Top class goals against Fulham, Bolton and Blackburn have won his side matches and Pardew was the first to take the plaudits for how he "handled" the player at those times. The flip side is the manager must also take the flack now that Ben Arfa doesn't even make the bench. Newcastle fans describe Ben Arfa as having been "Pardew'd" -- a term used to describe good players whose form and ability look to have receded badly under Pardew's management. See Moussa Sissoko for instance: When he arrived at Newcastle and played as an all-action central midfielder, he looked like he would be an immense player. A year of playing out of position as a winger and he now looks like a League Two plodder. Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa came in with a huge reputation as a world class centre-half of the future -- Pardew has turned him into a reserve right back. Davide Santon is another. You can go back to West Ham and the eight-game losing streak they endured under Pardew -- Javier Mascherano (now of Barcelona fame) couldn't get a game and the Argentinian was highly critical of Pardew for playing Carlos Tevez as a left winger! Pardew has also been guilty of scape-goating Ben Arfa. He singled him out for criticism after Newcastle were thrashed 0-4 at home by Spurs, even though the Frenchman didn't take the field of play until Newcastle were already two goals behind! Rumours have been rife that Ben Arfa has become unpopular with other players because of his attitude and perhaps this is true. We can't forget that Ben Arfa went on strike from his previous club, Marseille, in order to push through his move to Newcastle and controversy has followed him throughout his career, but I firmly believe that his attitude and off-field habits would have been better if he'd been handled in the way that a player of his obvious ability should have been. I expect Ben Arfa to move on to a new club and excel, leaving Geordie fans wishing that their team was managed by someone more capable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhT6d5fMhzI

Floodgates have been opened.

"Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we'd baptize terrorists."

Wojciech Szczęsny, Bacary Sagna, Per Mertesacker, Laurent Koscielny, Nacho Monreal, Mikel Arteta, Aaron Ramsey, Mesut Özil, Santi Cazorla, Lukas Podolski, Olivier Giroud Substitutes: Łukasz Fabiański, Carl Jenkinson, Thomas Vermaelen, Kim Källström, Mathieu Flamini, Tomáš Rosický, Yaya Sanogo Tim Krul; Mathieu Debuchy, Mike Williamson, Fabricio Coloccini, Paul Dummett; Dan Gosling, Vernon Anita, Cheick Tioté, Yoan Gouffran; Moussa Sissoko; Loïc Rémy Substitutes: Rob Elliot, Massadio Haïdara, Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa, Steven Taylor, Gabriel Obertan, Adam Armstrong, Shola Ameobi

Keith Gillespie has revealed how Sir Alex Ferguson tricked Kevin Keegan when selling him to Newcastle. The former Northern Ireland winger joined the Magpies in 1995 as part of the £7m deal which saw Andy Cole move the other way. But not before Ferguson had intervened a little to ensure his man earned himself a bumper pay day. "After an FA Cup game, we thrashed out terms at midnight in a hotel in Sheffield. Back then I was a £250-a-week player," he told the Sunday Telegraph. "I remember Alex sitting there with a pen and paper, adding up figures and scribbling away. He told a bit of a white lie to Kevin Keegan: 'Keith’s on £600 a week at the moment so he’ll be looking for an increase on that.' "He didn’t tell me this would happen so I sat there with a poker face, giving nothing away. Newcastle were happy to double my wage and an hour later I shook hands on a deal worth £1,200 a week."