Toonpack

Probably got a quick pegging in the bogs

That post is about as valid/accurate as your doorframe measurements. Point one: "a problem for the summer" to replace our THIRD (not 4th/5th) choice CB when we can avoid that expense entirely because (checks notes) we already own the fucker. Next season CB's will likely be: New RCB (with pace) back-up Schar (if re-signs) LCB Botman, back-up Burn, Kelly gives a 3rd Option for both in a Krafth (who's a FB in reality) like way. *Kelly can also cover LB in emergency. (anyone who mentions Tino in the LB cover conversation needs a paracetamol or 10) Point two: Pace - In 22/23 Opta monitored all players and of ALL Prem defenders Kelly was top 10 (8th fastest of all CB/FB's), he's marginally slower than Gordon by about 1kmh. Compared to our other defenders he's Usain fucking Bolt. Point Three: Costs/PSR - So the 5 players mentioned cost us agent fee's of £18.8 mill, that's an average of £3.75 mill, you completely ignore any signing-on fee (which I mentioned) which lets say is 10% of his value, that's around another £1.5 Million (he's valued at €18 mill on transfermarkt) so we have costs associated with signing him of £5.25 Million, which is just a tad closer to £6 million that "pure profit" is. Point Four: "Eddie might like the lad, he may think he's a super cool fun dude" - yeah that's nailed Eddie's motivation/methods in squad building. Christ! it's preposterous, and not a little disrespectful to Mr Howe. "but the lad is fundamentally not a top 6 centre back" - at last, a correct assertion, no he's not a starting level top 6 defender BUT we are years away from having starting level like for like substitute/second choice players on the bench. "he's exactly the type of player we need to be moving on" - in time yes, but not just now. He's 26 he's got years in him (unlike the other CB's), he covers two squad places with one body, ideally we'll keep him a couple of years and some kid will develop to replace him/those ahead of him. Going by the comments on here some are obviously so concerned about growing our commercial income they're hoping to make our CB's attractive for sponsorship by fucking SAGA. In the summer we need at minimum: GK, RCB, RW, CF (I suspect if the fucker gets fit and stays that way for back end of the season, they may extend Wilson and continue to develop Osula), back up RB, given Tino's a kid that'll probably be another Kelly type given you are unlikely to entice another Tino level kid to play second fiddle. We don't need to do same for Hall because we have Targett (although probably gone) Burn (oil tanker at FB) and (checks notes) Kelly. That's one hell of a lot of needs. We have plenty of needs, we don't need to create another one. Finally Diego's post - least said the better, he had patently just woken up from his siesta with a monster hangover having been hammering that sangria since dawn.

Don't mention 74 ffs. Me and my mate spent the late evening on his house phone ringing up and abusing every Keegan in the phone book, we obviously got a few of the cunts up out of bed given the length of time it took them to answer, which was nice. As an added bonus this jolly jape did lead us to discover the best name in the history of telephone directories - Cmdr (ret'd) W. E. Kit-Kat. (Once seen never forgotten) - we were tempted but didn't call him as we were focused on Keegans (Highways were rare but we got a few).

Cliff Michelmore in his Trans phase

True but they weren’t the shityest on display until the last few minutes.

Lack of confidence and self belief is hard to overcome when you ain’t got any.

Fundamentally disagree on Kelly. Schar, Burn, Lascelles, Krafth, Tripps and Target are pretty unlikely to be here in 12 months, even if a couple of them are, they are way towards (beyond) the wrong end of the age scale. Kelly is 26 and he’s got pace to burn, we have no idea how good he is without a run of games, which admittedly in an ideal world he won’t get. Sell him and we’d have to replace him because we basically will have little cover pretty damn soon and that’ll cost way more than we’ll get for him. When he was at Bournemouth he was considered as capable of playing anywhere across the back four, that has value. The £10 million pure profit is likely bollocks as well, how much was his signing on fee and the agent fee’s, I don’t know but had seen circa £6 mill mentioned. Selling him is short termism for minimal gain with potential long term pain. It’s way more than just about today it’s about long term squad planning/building. Eddie rates him enough to have signed him twice, that’s good enough for me.

There was noise a few weeks ago that he was pissed off Liverpool hadn’t come to him with an offer, could be he goes, he’s an Arab and if he feels insulted that’s not easy to overcome. I’m not sure the murderering bin dipping cunts (©️TBD) will want to renew him at a length of contract he’d be happy with, he’s 32 his legs’ll go soon. Be great if he fucked off.

The league has settled down and has started to split into mini-leagues. If we beat Bournemouth we’ll be 7 points clear of them/eighth place, Villa in 7th are at cockney Stoke so we could be 6 ahead of them with a vastly superior goal difference (+15 v -1) a draw would be my result of choice for that one because I think we can catch Lego-head’s boys. We lose Isak we’re screwed but Chelsea lose Palmer they’re same, Liverpool - Salah likewise although they’ve got points in the bag and injury time/VAR on their side. No idea who is the major key for the scabs and City are currently living life without theirs and Stoke have lost Saka. So long as we don’t lose Isak (to injury) we should be locked in top 6 even with a mini wobble. I fancy us to finish above cockney Stoke, and whatever that brings, we really are better than them IMO, just a feeling mind but they don’t look nearly as good as the league table would suggest.

£75k per position and no amortisation on a fee, absolute bargain.

I think Kelly is seen as cover for LCB and LB and little more, he may surprise us and push for a start but he’s cover for two positions in one body. You need players like that.

Factor in ages/contract length and that logic flies out the window in terms of a squad with any longevity.

The one thing that irks me (slightly) about Tino is, he can't, or won't, cross the ball and his delivery is poor if he does, he likes a pass backwards as much as Miggy.

If their identified target players aren't available, they won't spend.

Or Big Joe out right and Miley into MF (maybe) if Murphy crocked.

Is that accent capable of pronouncing agadoo ?

4-0 They won’t park the bus and will pay for it. Our passing needs to be on point though.

There’s a bit of Mormon “not happy” going around about it, but (trying to avoid spoilers) that “incident” did actually happen and they did indeed do it. Brigham Young also apparently accurately portrayed, they say not, of course.

Because he wasn’t 100% fit, as soon as he was hitting his numbers he was in.

That’s what makes Isak in particular so special, he can find or create space anywhere.

He plays off the left though

That was a wonderful little pass by Bruno for the assist, exquisite even

We could be just 2 points behind the cockney Stoke if we see this out

MoM first half, although I am into my 7th can Just little cans though 😀