Brock Manson

The wonderful picture on the box inspires you to stick it in a microwave/oven to heat up.

It's the same length as the distance between a fully extended (oo-er) thumb and forefinger. You just tried it.

That doesn't look inspirational at all.

I went to school with one of the guys who played for Barbados in the rugby 7s. He was shite at school too.

I'll never understand their popularity. Pair of twats too scared to come up with their own ideas and instead peddling boring recipes to housewives. Also, I have sweet smoked paprika in my kitchen. It's incredible, and most certainly not replicated by adding sugar to paprika.

Off to Switzerland tomorrow. Catch you all in 10 days' time!

£11m for Ross McCormack.

What a shit piece of writing.

Toon Rivière, offside by a mile No cross for you, change in style someday Oh, dream teamer, your french femur In two years you're going, I'm going your way.

Hope not, that's disgusting.

The body needs salt, correct. The body does not need excess salt. This can be incredibly harmful to your body.

Never use bisto as a thickener. You'll over-season your dish and you'll make everything taste like shit gravy. Also FOUR Oxo cubes and bisto? No wonder you're such a fucking nutter, you're consuming a vast amount of salt in your food.

Cheers Ant!

New tactic: Cabella floats the ball to the far post and then sprints as fast as he can towards the middle, Willo heads it back across goal for Cabella to nod home.

Stop the presses!

Why sign a player of Ben Arfa's ilk when we never play Ben Arfa? After a season of cameos, Pardew won't play him.

Never take a car that has no warranty to a dealer. Ever. Learned this when my master cylinder went. It had just had its service, and despite me specifically telling them there was a problem with the clutch, they said there was nowt the matter. The next day clutch broke. Got told by the dealer it'd be £1,500 after a heavy discount, so took it to a local guy who did it - parts and labour for £200. As Ant says - they'll have three or four guys working on it at once and charging an exorbitant amount for labour. They're some of the scummiest twats around who get away with mugging people off who aren't any the wiser.

If we have a manager who won't play Ben Arfa, how is signing Cabella going to be any different? Baffling signing.

No-one techy knows what's going on? It's a problem with safari - i've had to install and use google fucking chrome. GOOGLE CHROME. It's awful.

If you don't have a name for your chinese dish, I suggest: Sum ting wong.

He may be training with the first team but the fact that he's ready for first team football is mutually exclusive. We're letting a 1st team CB go, leaving 3 recognised 1st teamers in that position, so he's most likely being tried out so we don't have to focus on bringing in a new player in that position. You contrary twit.

Works on anything other than my macbook, which is what I use the most. It's a problem with safari but I can't get round it all.

Or as CT will read it: Buy some garlic bread from the shop, place in microwave and give several blasts.

I can't log back in to my google account. I keep getting directed to a screen saying that my browser doesn't enable cookies (safari). Cookies are enabled and I've just cleared my cache but this hasn't worked either. Google's problem or do I effectively no longer have a google account?