Billy Whitehurst

We've had no real game plan and our set pieces have been absolutely shite.

Scared football. By that I assume you mean our early cautious approach against a quality technical side knowing that an away goal would pretty much end the tie. Not a huge fan of Pardew but I think he got it right tonight. You clearly no nothing about football so I'm actually annoyed that I've responded to you. I'll never get the 3 minutes it has taken me to write this back. That saddens me.

Great performance, no disgrace to lose to a side like Benfica. I've criticised Pardew a lot recently but I reckon he got the tactics and substitutions spot on tonight. Time to concentrate on the league.

We just don't seem to have any shape and are sloppy as fuck. Been like that for the last few games.

I'm with you both you and Ant on this one. If you are going to use them then it's worth spending the dosh. If you are going to fritter away your money, you might as well do it on stuff that is good for your health.

I assume you instructed the chef to put some 'house special mayonnaise' on young Nile's chips?

Keegan managing the club is without a doubt the best thing to have ever happened to this club in my lifetime (I'm 35). Prior to Keegan, we really were a poor club with terrible owners and some truly woeful players (albeit a few exceptional players like Beardsley, Waddle and Gacoigne who were quickly sold). He completely transformed the club and his legacy lives on today. When we consider that we have the likes of Cabaye, Ben Arfa, Tiote and Colo playing for us, that wouldn't have been imagineable in the years before Keegan. During his time as manager, I loved supporting us, I believed in everything he said and it was obvious just how much the club meant to him - he was one of us. Him standing on the stairs outside SJP explaining to the fans why he sold Cole just illustrates that. They say you should never meet your heroes but that doesn't apply to him. I met him once (the season we lost the big lead in the league) and he was such a genuinely nice bloke. He was completely as I expected him to be. If you look at what he achieved in his time here, his managerial record is remarkable and it was all done playing football that the supporters wanted to see. It's at times like this that you need a bit of nostalgia as we've got fuck all else. It's also people like Keegan which remind us why we love the club.

He is Boumsong's cousin (according to Wiki). Sweet jesus.

Just fucking awful. Not enough quality, not enough spirit, no discernable tactics. Everyone needs to take collective responsibility. The players for their performances, the manager for his tactics, and the board for their lack of investment. Did anyone play well? Sammy Ameobi offered us a little off the bench, but can't think of another player who did well.

London, Paris, New York, and Buenos Aires.

And we should pay Ba what he wants/what a player of his calibre deserves. We haven't got a hope in hell of replacing him for £7.5m.

Defensively inept. I know we don't have the players but there is no organisation, Pardew has to take the blame for that. Even Fulham looked liked scoring at will when they played us. Colo is our only defender, Santon is good going forward and is great on the ball but he is suspect defensively. Simpson, Williamson, and Perch are woeful, Tavernier and Ferguson don't look like they are good enough to make it at this level. Steven Taylor can at least defend. We really really need at least two new defenders but we also need our coaching staff to organise them too. btw - I'm not suggesting we get rid of Pardew, like some of the other numpties on this board, but he, Ashley and the players themselves, need to share the blame. On the plus side, I thought Ba, Marveaux, Obertan and Bigirimana had good games. Cisse looks lost out wide and for all the good Tiote did, he was a liability at times.

By 'these articles', I assume you mean the ones which only exist in his head?

Aye. It's not due to injuries that he is playing, he's our first choice right back and he's got the touch of a discotheque drunk.

I'd play Perch right back, and I remember how shit he is at full back but Simpson is a fucking charlatan. Just lacking in the very basics. He was in such good positions but he takes an age to control the ball and he doesn't seem to be able to kick the ball properly.

Fuck me, what are Aguero, Tevez, and Silva going to do against that defence? Tonight, I can handle the fact that the likes of Simpson and Williamson are not footballers (neither of them could trap a bag of cement), but they can at least attack the ball. Our entire defence, including Colo and Santon let them bring it down and gave them so much time and space. Tiote was fucking awful too, so was Jonas and Cisse just looks lost. That said, we could easily have sneaked a point so I can't see us being in any relegation trouble. It really doesn't take much to beat some of the dross around us.

Aye, he's been ok, neat and tidy.

Our defending has been fucking shambolic today, and I include Tiote in that.

Woeful stuff this, no movement off the ball, passing when we do have it has been poor, the players don't really seem arsed. We're still in it though, Fulham don't look like much cop, they have Chris Baird in centre mid FFS.

Leftfield: Leftism Underworld: Dubnobasswithmyheadman Chemical Brothers: Exit Planet Dust Sabres of Paradise: Sabresonic Daft Punk: Homework DJ Shadow: Endtroducing Snoop Dogg: Doggystyle Laurent Garnier: Shot In The Dark Primal Scream: Screamadelica LFO: Frequencies

Exactly. Yet another big 'fuck you' from professional football. It's getting harder and harder to like this sport. I've never been as disinterested in football as I am currently.

They did the essential mix as The Dust Brothers. I taped it off the radio (those were the days) and it was tremendous. The tape sadly perished a few years ago. It was the remix of The Chemical Brothers' Life is Sweet which got me into Daft Punk. I'm so out of touch with music these days, just happy to stay in the 90s!

Bravo, really excellent list. I presume you mean Homework for Daft Punk. Couldn't wait for that album after some of the remixes they had been doing beforehand. Preferred Exit Planet Dust to Dig Your Own Hole though.

The way he prattles on about his articles, you'd think he was Hugh McIlvanney. Are any of his Mag articles online?

Considered too indie, same as Glenn Medeiros.