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Fordy

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Everything posted by Fordy

  1. A father and son are driving along a country road and they hear a bump, the son asks 'what was that dad?', i'm sorry son the dad replies i hit a squirrel, they drive along a bit further and the car goes bump again, the son asks what was that dad? sorry son the dad replies i hit another squirrel, they drive into town and the car goes bump bump, and the son asks what was that dad?, he replies sorry son i hit a pakie but why were there 2 bumps? i had to mount the curb first
  2. Bah i'm bored and i actually bothered to read it thought it was funny so i posted it on here , i won't bother in future
  3. stopped watching it a year or 2 ago its gone down hill badly
  4. "A. INTRO I. What is this? This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs. II. Defining 'Noob' Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. Noobs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed. Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading. * Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum. B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS I. Noobish Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as noobish. It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand. stFU /\/\an, i r the r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly. II. Where to find noobs On the internet, noobs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear. Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific. III. Behavior of noobs Since noobs are basically ignorant I'm so kool!s, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard). It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs. Noobs have difficulty reading english and cannot comprehend the idea of authority. Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening. IV. Noob religion Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week. V. More about noob habitats Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish. They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88X31 affiliate buttons replaced with red X's scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its homepage. Simple as that. C. AVOIDING NOOBS I. Make sure you aren't one Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already. English (T4lk)- Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'the 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy. Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D the gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into the reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337 II. Major noob avoiding strategies The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it. Another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the authority on one of these forums. But that's often hard to do so you'll probably be better off avoiding larger forums first off. If you do manage to become part of the authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations."
  5. seems we have pretty good relations with them
  6. Why? getting close to the limit are we?
  7. Always thought he was a gd player and definatly worth it on a free
  8. i can only imagine what would happen if he plays and injures himself again
  9. Nope of course not but i don't think he's a complete idiot either
  10. seeing as we completely denied him having a release clause i carn;t see this happening
  11. Nothing baffling about it at all same reason shearer joined us instead of Man United he wants to play for the team he supported as a boy
  12. had to read the replies to understand what the post was about
  13. For anyone writing too long didn;t read you should its fairly interesting
  14. lol duff and babs taking the piss now
  15. Anyone read what mikel has just said in the sun? beyond belief
  16. I think its disgusting that players can be forced to play for their country if they have no wish too
  17. The damned american radio channel sounded a right mess the only professional one was costa which for any one who missed it was clearly british. seems like they got most of the armoured vechiels painted a certain colour (friendlies that is) would have thought with the amount of doubt the pilots had command would have called off the attack just incase on another note did the brits shoot any americans during the war?
  18. Nearly as good as winning a game
  19. does roeder ever shut up? he seems to make a comment about something every day
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