Gemmill

I look forward to you all standing by this stunning logic when Murphy is playing LB in the cup final.

Well whaddya know. The REAL finance people agree.

Aye after the summer window Mitchell just had, he'll be desperate to sell a player and not replace him the very next window. I look forward to his "but it was £11m" press conference.

Two conditions need to be met for him to be sold this window, for me: - Howe is happy to sell him - The funds can be reinvested this window The raw fact that we can get £11m for him is just the gate to those two conditions. If either of them fails......HE STAYS!

How many rows up is it? @Christmas Tree

It's not smart to sell a player if you can't replace him during the season. Krafth, Lascelles, Botman. All are coming back from proper injuries. We're not over stocked at CB given that context. Like I say, they'll have a plan, and if this is doable this window, they'll do it. But people demand we take the money "cos it's £11m" is stupid.

What is it that you've recently spotted in Eddie Howe that makes you think he'd be happy to sell a CB in the middle of the season and just be super chill that he can replace him in the summer?

CT stealing ballot spots from @thebrokendoll. I wouldn't care but he hasn't written a hit chant in over a year now. F THIS GUY!

Aye and what if a month from now we've got an injury crisis. Will all you clever cunts be going "well we never should have sold Kelly and not replaced him. What were they thinking of? Best chance of a trophy in my lifetime and we've blown it for £11m". You can't play the £11m in the cup final.

Basically what I'm saying is rest assured, if this deal makes sense and the money can be put to use to improve the squad this window, I'm sure our manager and DoF will do their jobs and sell the player and reinvest. If it doesn't, they'll do their jobs and retain the player for what's left of the season. Demanding that they take the money now is fucking daft when you don't know which of the above scenarios is currently playing out behind the scenes.

It doesn't make any sense if none of our targets are available to buy this window, because it weakens the squad.

If none of our CB targets are available, why would we take the money and leave ourselves short in a season where we're one match away from a domestic cup final, and trying to get back into the CL. Botman is only just back from a long period out, there's no guarantees he can stay fit. Similarly Lascelles isn't even back yet from a long period out.

What's he gonna eat, Spaghetti Principlese etc.

If his agent's any good, the next contract he signs will put him on the sort of money he probably couldn't get in Italy.

I said he seemed to be struggling physically against imposing centre halves. Which at the time was true. It was when we were going through our shit spell and he seemed completely isolated and was getting dominated physically.

What is this one on about?

We've got two weeks of him left before he's off back to Italy on loan.

That rumour has been put on here before. In the age of social media, where pure bullshit becomes fact, who knows. I mean, it seems unlikely, but Ashley was another billionaire who consistently fails to do his due diligence every time he buys a business.

I don't want to be giving ChatGPT notes, but this should really have been "a chin so slick"

This sounds like we're shagging?!

I wanted to stick with the three main things he's known for: Fear of seagulls, pushing trolleys, and munching tuppence.

Who could disagree?

Absolutely thrilled that it went with the master of cunnilingus prompt. I was certain that would get knocked back.

**"Seagulls and Trolleys: The Ballad of Renton"** *(Country Song)* *Verse 1* Well, Renton was a simple man, born by the sea, In the heart of Tynemouth where the gulls fly free. But there’s a twist to his tale, a quirk in his soul, He’s got a fear of seagulls, they’re outta control. They swoop and they squawk, they circle and dive, But he’s got a dream, and he keeps it alive. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Verse 2* As a boy, he watched *Casualty* on the telly screen, Robson Green was his idol, cool and serene. He knew his calling wasn’t a doctor or nurse, He’d be the porter, for better or worse. With a whistle on his lips and a swagger in his stride, He’d wheel those beds like a hospital pride. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Bridge* Now, there’s a legend on the North Sea breeze, About Renton’s other passion—he’s a man of expertise. He’ll proudly tell the ladies with a grin so slick, That he’s the number one fanny licker in Tynemouth quick. A champion of love with a talent so rare, No seagull can touch him when he’s down there. *Chorus* Oh, Renton, he’s the king of the coast, A porter with pride, and he’ll always boast. He ain’t scared of hard work or late-night calls, But those devilish seagulls give him chills and stalls. He’ll push your trolley, but when gulls attack, He’ll be the first to run and never look back. *Outro* So here’s to Renton, a man full of charm, With a trolley in his hands and love in his arms. A hero of the ward, and the coast’s wild pride, Just don’t mention seagulls—he’ll be running to hide.

An oddly upbeat ending. It's put a real spring in my step.