Gemmill

Bitch it's all M&S. Those dickheads must have done all that shit cos these bad boys just go in the oven with some goose fat on them.

There's a summary version which shows only the times where actions are required. First time I've ever done Christmas Dinner and I honestly don't know what all the fucking fuss is about. Bill Gates solved this for people in the 90s.

The true spirit of Christmas!

Finally getting some sleep.

CT, have you seen this? It's bent as fuck, you'd love it.

Spirited is this afternoon's watch, I think. My dreamboat Ryand Reynolds and non-dreamboat Will Ferrell in a Christmas musical spectacular. But first, the spreadsheet.

Ours is all from M&S. Fuck doing it from scratch. I will however be producing a spreadsheet today with all the timings on to make sure that a 1:30pm eating time is observed. Columns for each item to be cooked. Rows at 15 minute intervals.

The Traitors has been quality. Reality TV but genuinely entertaining. Inhale it all on iplayer now if you've not had the end spoilt by some cunt on social media.

Oh absolutely. I'm under no illusions that I have anything to offer at these get-togethers other than furtive glances at the exit door. Everyone's night will be improved next year when I don't show.

It can be liberating. Things have been fucking mental at work this past few months and at moments of peak stress, just taking a second to think "none of this actually matters at all in the grand scheme of things" is good for you.

I absolutely disgrace myself every year, strictly on sweet stuff. But now I'm taking Toonpack's wonder drug, I'm putting the pedal to the metal.

Gloom, you big Christmas fanny, I was only messing. Hope you're alright really. 🎄🤶❤️

Wait til you wake up tomorrow morning and remember typing this.

I'm gonna test it out by eating half the chocolate panettone my lass has just got at M&S.

I've got it! 14 tablets. I nearly screamed IIIIIIIIIITS CHRIIIIISTMAAAAAS in the pharmacy lass's face with excitement

As soon as she gets back I'm going to the pharmacy to buy some of this wonder stuff. Can I just take one a day for the next two weeks and skate through the whole Christmas like I've got the guts of a 20 year old. By about the 27th I usually feel like a tube of brown toothpaste, just constantly shitting out the horrible stuff I've been eating. Is this gonna solve this issue too?

I get notifications on my phone whenever anyone spends on the joint account. My lass went to M&S to "pick up a few food things for over the Christmas" 20 minutes ago. Just had the notification that she's spent £188.77, the fucking lunatic. How the fuck am I supposed to get this acid under control?

Give it ten years, you'll have the kid AND heartburn, DICKHEAD!

Amazon will do same day delivery if I buy £40 worth. Let's get a consortium together. The Axis of Acid. Who's in?

I mean giving me this information now is next to no use. I'll have to go to the pharmacy tomorrow and fight through all the people buying last minute Old Spice gift sets.

It's fucking desperate man. I drink more Gaviscon than booze over the Christmas.

Fuck knows, he's the swimmer dude. I've just had my first bit of Christmas cake. Two weeks of heartburn starts HERE.

I don't know why I was reading it, but there's a quickfire Christmas questions thing in the Guardian with a load of shite celebs. Favourite Quality Street, Favourite Christmas Song, best part of the Christmas Dinner, that kind of shit. Anyway.... Adam Peaty, go and FUCK yourself.

:lol: The only mental health issue you have is that you refuse to accept your age. One of the older blokes at our Christmas do has had videos of him dancing sent around on WhatsApp and people talking about how sweaty he was on Teams all the next day. This is almost certainly what the young people at your work are doing with you too. "Did you see old man Gloom doing the fucking worm?! He is TRAGIC!" "Someone was saying he turned up on his skateboard and there's a video going round of him trying to do ollies in the car park." You've just got to go home as soon as the dessert plates are collected.

Aye that sort of thing would be fine. This was a multiple tables, assigned seating nightmare. There was only about 40 there, but that's about 35 too many for my liking.