Gemmill

Well. All that fucking work with the spreadsheet and starting the dinner around 10 in the morning. No sooner had we sat down, everything done, first chance of the day to relax and enjoy the piping hot food... Her dad stands up, announces "You'll have to excuse me, I don't feel well...", walks as far as the kitchen door, sinks to his fucking knees, and there he stays slumped on the floor for the next half an hour. By the time anyone returns to the table, their dinner is clay cold and ruined. Within half an hour, he's fine and boring the balls off me until HALF SEVEN when they finally leave. So aye, fuck you for another year, Christmas, ya cunt!

These Nexium are unbelievable btw. I've put them to the test and they've come through like nobody's business. Cheers TP and Renton for reinforcing the recommendation.

Good man wykiki, I bet you really brightened up their Christmas.

This Morning is on and I've just walked in to see Vorderman looking like she got two volleyballs down her top for Christmas. A genuinely ridiculously booby Christmas from everyone's favourite maths slag.

Merry Christmas all. Off to walk the dog, then first spreadsheet action is at 10:15.

Unlikely, Jesus hadn't been born yet.

It's cos he's played about 4 times since you signed him, Pep. That's why.

Merry Christmas @toonotland @Andrew. Hope Santa was good to you both. 👍

Bitch it's all M&S. Those dickheads must have done all that shit cos these bad boys just go in the oven with some goose fat on them.

There's a summary version which shows only the times where actions are required. First time I've ever done Christmas Dinner and I honestly don't know what all the fucking fuss is about. Bill Gates solved this for people in the 90s.

The true spirit of Christmas!

Finally getting some sleep.

CT, have you seen this? It's bent as fuck, you'd love it.

Spirited is this afternoon's watch, I think. My dreamboat Ryand Reynolds and non-dreamboat Will Ferrell in a Christmas musical spectacular. But first, the spreadsheet.

Ours is all from M&S. Fuck doing it from scratch. I will however be producing a spreadsheet today with all the timings on to make sure that a 1:30pm eating time is observed. Columns for each item to be cooked. Rows at 15 minute intervals.

The Traitors has been quality. Reality TV but genuinely entertaining. Inhale it all on iplayer now if you've not had the end spoilt by some cunt on social media.

Oh absolutely. I'm under no illusions that I have anything to offer at these get-togethers other than furtive glances at the exit door. Everyone's night will be improved next year when I don't show.

It can be liberating. Things have been fucking mental at work this past few months and at moments of peak stress, just taking a second to think "none of this actually matters at all in the grand scheme of things" is good for you.

I absolutely disgrace myself every year, strictly on sweet stuff. But now I'm taking Toonpack's wonder drug, I'm putting the pedal to the metal.

Gloom, you big Christmas fanny, I was only messing. Hope you're alright really. 🎄🤶❤️

Wait til you wake up tomorrow morning and remember typing this.

I'm gonna test it out by eating half the chocolate panettone my lass has just got at M&S.

I've got it! 14 tablets. I nearly screamed IIIIIIIIIITS CHRIIIIISTMAAAAAS in the pharmacy lass's face with excitement

As soon as she gets back I'm going to the pharmacy to buy some of this wonder stuff. Can I just take one a day for the next two weeks and skate through the whole Christmas like I've got the guts of a 20 year old. By about the 27th I usually feel like a tube of brown toothpaste, just constantly shitting out the horrible stuff I've been eating. Is this gonna solve this issue too?

I get notifications on my phone whenever anyone spends on the joint account. My lass went to M&S to "pick up a few food things for over the Christmas" 20 minutes ago. Just had the notification that she's spent £188.77, the fucking lunatic. How the fuck am I supposed to get this acid under control?