Gemmill

Just looking at the table and my much-vaunted crystal ball and I see a series of unpleasant outcomes for this lot: - narrowly miss out on the play-offs, and there's every chance they get second season syndrome and just become an also-ran from next season on. - make the playoffs but lose and get consigned to another season in the Championship + second season syndrome. - get promoted and have 38 games of pure unadulterated torture as they spend the entire season in the relegation zone. I'd prefer option 3 just for the lols. I know most Sunderland fans will prefer 1 or 2 cos they love being in the Championship anyway and they know they would be comfortably mid table in the Premier League so why bother going to the trouble of getting promoted and proving it.

Caulkin's latest headline.

Louise Taylor at the press conference. Howe gets asked if he thinks Willock is knocking on the door for England and answers at length. A couple more questions come in and the final question goes to Taylor: Do you think Joe Willock is getting closer to an England call up? Yeah I've just answered that..... Thanks everyone. End of press conference.

Short thread.

And all of the above is with 66 points as the bar set for these teams to get over. Which is pretty low. If we went even 2 points better than that, these teams start to need to come up with Hollywood heroics to get past us.

Looking at the CL run in... I reckon 66 points will probably be enough, so only 7 more needed. For it not to be enough, one of these things needs to happen: Spurs: 14 points from 6. Villa: 16 points from 6. Liverpool: 17 points from 7. Brighton: 18 points from 9. Of those, Brighton are probably the most likely but they've got really tough fixtures. Which is another point - all of the above will be cannibalising points from one another. You've got: Aston Villa v Brighton Villa v Spurs Liverpool v Villa Liverpool v Spurs So those are all the games where they'll be getting in one another's way for the CL points. Then you've just got the hard fixtures that these teams have got: Newcastle v Brighton Brighton v Man United Arsenal v Brighton Brighton v Man City Spurs v Man United Man United v Villa And look how many times Man United turn up in that list - if we're worrying about one of the above teams, then there's a good chance it'll be at the expense of Man United's top 4 hopes rather than ours. So aye, 7 points to go. This might be done with games to spare.

Shame we got the MOTD D-Team covering this one mind. Jenas presenting (!) and Deeney and Beckford with the analysis. Howay man.

Brighton and Liverpool can stick their percentages up their arses.

Well you've all waited very patiently, which is appreciated, but I'm here to put you all out of your misery..... Expected points: Newcastle United: 2.84 Spurs: 0.11

Danny Rose is high as fuck. He's got to be. Arranging a night out with Trippier on live telly.

Rose seems not alright tbf.

Has Danny Rose had a traumatic brain injury?

Don't worry btw lads, as soon as I can get my hands on the expected points figures from today, I'll stick them in here.

I'm boring the tits off myself staring at the league table and trying to come up with scenarios where we don't get Champions League. I'm struggling. Brighton in 8th genuinely look to be the ones with the best chance. From 8th. And honestly, it feels more likely they knock Man United out the top 4 than us.

That Athletic article BTW. About how Saudi money is ruining Spurs's dreams. Yeah, well it was Jacob Murphy and Joelinton that had you 3 nil down in 8 minutes, with two assists from Fabian Schar, so stick that up your kazoo Mr Jack Pitt-Brooke.

Son just asked the ref for a free kick.l there and got one. Oh here we go, the budgie's getting let out of his cage for 10 minutes. Richarlison time.

They should get Isak on the podcast, give Wilson a week off. See how that goes down.

Not keen on that "6-1 to the Saudi boys" chant.

Get in! Wilson's most annoyed celebration of the season.

Genuinely annoyed that these cunts have scored.

I'm sure his pride is absolutely fucked tbf.

CT: I don't mean to be double negative, I just get nervous.

Shame Maxi is injured. 45 minutes of this would have been the perfect sign off.