Gemmill

Porro needs reminding of the scoreline by any Newcastle player within 5 feet of him. He looks ripe for a red.

One of these Spurs cowards will get themselves an early bath, I reckon. Ring their agent from the bath and tell them to get them the fuck out of there.

No goals for ten minutes. Getting a bit bored.

Tell Pep Guardiola we're coming for his 5 nil up after 19 minutes record.

He should go for that. He's just raked his studs down his balls, nowhere near a challenge for the ball.

Bruno's ankle looks fucked again. Not great.

5 nil down and he's switched to a back 5.

Good idea. Get Davinson Sanchez on for 20 minutes.

Isak's reaction when it goes in. I fucking love this kid. Wilson will be sat on the bench with a face like a demolished arse.

Champions League football next season lads. It's happening.

5 This is the best thing ever.

Ridiculous from Willockinho.

4. Spurs look fucking clueless.

Kane. He's no Jacob Murphy.

This is amazing.

There we go.

Get another quick goal and these weak cockneys will collapse.

Really good finish from Murphy.

Get in.

I fancy a Joe Willock goal today. Even with that hair do.

Think they're going 4-3-3 if their fans on twitter are right. They seem buoyed by the move to a back 4. Hopefully they're very wrong.

Rose and Dyer are such natural orators. You can see why Sky wanted them on for this one.

Maybe you missed my prediction lads, but Everton are GOING DOWN.

0.86 goals per 90 in the Championship which tbf is a good record but he only played 13 times before completely fucking himself for the season, so we'll never know.

She's deed now. Went in the last year or two.