Gemmill

Shame we got the MOTD D-Team covering this one mind. Jenas presenting (!) and Deeney and Beckford with the analysis. Howay man.

Brighton and Liverpool can stick their percentages up their arses.

Well you've all waited very patiently, which is appreciated, but I'm here to put you all out of your misery..... Expected points: Newcastle United: 2.84 Spurs: 0.11

Danny Rose is high as fuck. He's got to be. Arranging a night out with Trippier on live telly.

Rose seems not alright tbf.

Has Danny Rose had a traumatic brain injury?

Don't worry btw lads, as soon as I can get my hands on the expected points figures from today, I'll stick them in here.

I'm boring the tits off myself staring at the league table and trying to come up with scenarios where we don't get Champions League. I'm struggling. Brighton in 8th genuinely look to be the ones with the best chance. From 8th. And honestly, it feels more likely they knock Man United out the top 4 than us.

That Athletic article BTW. About how Saudi money is ruining Spurs's dreams. Yeah, well it was Jacob Murphy and Joelinton that had you 3 nil down in 8 minutes, with two assists from Fabian Schar, so stick that up your kazoo Mr Jack Pitt-Brooke.

Son just asked the ref for a free kick.l there and got one. Oh here we go, the budgie's getting let out of his cage for 10 minutes. Richarlison time.

They should get Isak on the podcast, give Wilson a week off. See how that goes down.

Not keen on that "6-1 to the Saudi boys" chant.

Get in! Wilson's most annoyed celebration of the season.

Genuinely annoyed that these cunts have scored.

I'm sure his pride is absolutely fucked tbf.

CT: I don't mean to be double negative, I just get nervous.

Shame Maxi is injured. 45 minutes of this would have been the perfect sign off.

Redknapp: "Pass of the season. De Bruyne, Odegaard... No one has made a better pass than that from Joe Willock". I don't care for Sky hyperbole usually, but when it's about us they can say whatever the fuck they like.

They can say what they like, it's FIVE NIL. Spurs have been absolutely fucking shit tbf, and we've been absolutely on one.

"Shoooot" when Pope picked it up in his own half there..

This is like a training match. It's all in their half.

Monkeys Fist has probably just about earned himself the next match thread, but if you all want me back, you can start a poll OK?

Porro needs reminding of the scoreline by any Newcastle player within 5 feet of him. He looks ripe for a red.

One of these Spurs cowards will get themselves an early bath, I reckon. Ring their agent from the bath and tell them to get them the fuck out of there.