Gemmill

Shite that mate. Sorry to hear it.

Let Wayne have a go.

Haha the fucking tramps can do one. Are they still setting fireworks off outside the away team hotel, the desperate bamps.

I'm back on keto. 🙄 My lass wanted to and it's basically impossible for one of you to be on it. So out goes pizzas, sourdough, and all manner of other delicious things. In comes terrible substitutes for these nice non keto foods. On the plus side, the weight fucking drops off.

CLAMPED!

Their training ground complex is like a posh resort. I'd happily spend a fortnight there chilling out in the spa. Maybe that's their problem.

Pitt-Brooke is on today's Athletic football podcast, which so far is dedicated to how terrible Spurs are and gives zero credit to Newcastle for pumping the absolute shite out of them. There's loads of grounds they could have gone to yesterday and come away with a result even in their current state.

Just because.

No surprise that the stained glass windowed one @Renton is from slave owner stock. Absolutely disgusting. Looks like an extra off Rentaghost these days too, the slave driving bastard. PS if you read the article, he's "starting to atone for it" by accepting Joe Willock's new haircut. BIG WOW.

Are we dealing with a BOGAN?! We need a ruling from the resident Aussies plus RobinRobin.

I was still assuming it was a lad.

Alreet Harley Quinn. Our very own Suicide Girl.

There's only three games left, marrow. Option 4.....CE N'EST PAS POSSIBLE!

Aye Howe and team is far and away the best coaching setup we've ever had. He's the ultimate professional.

Len Goodman. SEVEEEEEEENty eight.

Just looking at the table and my much-vaunted crystal ball and I see a series of unpleasant outcomes for this lot: - narrowly miss out on the play-offs, and there's every chance they get second season syndrome and just become an also-ran from next season on. - make the playoffs but lose and get consigned to another season in the Championship + second season syndrome. - get promoted and have 38 games of pure unadulterated torture as they spend the entire season in the relegation zone. I'd prefer option 3 just for the lols. I know most Sunderland fans will prefer 1 or 2 cos they love being in the Championship anyway and they know they would be comfortably mid table in the Premier League so why bother going to the trouble of getting promoted and proving it.

Caulkin's latest headline.

Louise Taylor at the press conference. Howe gets asked if he thinks Willock is knocking on the door for England and answers at length. A couple more questions come in and the final question goes to Taylor: Do you think Joe Willock is getting closer to an England call up? Yeah I've just answered that..... Thanks everyone. End of press conference.

Short thread.

And all of the above is with 66 points as the bar set for these teams to get over. Which is pretty low. If we went even 2 points better than that, these teams start to need to come up with Hollywood heroics to get past us.

Looking at the CL run in... I reckon 66 points will probably be enough, so only 7 more needed. For it not to be enough, one of these things needs to happen: Spurs: 14 points from 6. Villa: 16 points from 6. Liverpool: 17 points from 7. Brighton: 18 points from 9. Of those, Brighton are probably the most likely but they've got really tough fixtures. Which is another point - all of the above will be cannibalising points from one another. You've got: Aston Villa v Brighton Villa v Spurs Liverpool v Villa Liverpool v Spurs So those are all the games where they'll be getting in one another's way for the CL points. Then you've just got the hard fixtures that these teams have got: Newcastle v Brighton Brighton v Man United Arsenal v Brighton Brighton v Man City Spurs v Man United Man United v Villa And look how many times Man United turn up in that list - if we're worrying about one of the above teams, then there's a good chance it'll be at the expense of Man United's top 4 hopes rather than ours. So aye, 7 points to go. This might be done with games to spare.

Shame we got the MOTD D-Team covering this one mind. Jenas presenting (!) and Deeney and Beckford with the analysis. Howay man.

Brighton and Liverpool can stick their percentages up their arses.

Well you've all waited very patiently, which is appreciated, but I'm here to put you all out of your misery..... Expected points: Newcastle United: 2.84 Spurs: 0.11