Gemmill

When I saw it in real time I assumed there was some luck and some bundling of the ball off their defenders involved. On replay, it was the opposite. Clinical, clean, and a bloke in total control of the situation - proper "how the fuck can you do that at such pace in an actual real match you freak" stuff. £63m might start looking like a steal if he keeps anything like these levels.

....and finally, those all important expected points: Everton: 0.18 Newcastle United: 2.73 DOMINATION!

The yank stats lads and the bookies are going big on us being CL boys next season.

Too busy raping folk, I would imagine.

wykiki accepting help across the road from some strangers.

I'm a righteous dude.

For anyone still worried about the other set of scouser.... Liverpool now HAVE to win 3 and draw 1 of their remaining 6 games just to surpass our CURRENT points total.

Dyche's voice man. He's a fucking ginger orc.

Spurs v Man United OVER. They've disappointed themselves and thrilled the rest of us.

If I was on a pundit panel with Owen, I'd insist on relentlessly calling him "Squirt". "That's right, squirt." "I agree with squirt."

Owen "I know full well when the momentum's going for you up in Newcastle, it's hard to stop it". You captained us to relegation and fucked off.

I already thought he was mint, but I had no idea he had absolutely scandalous shit like that in his locker.

Howe sounds like he's maybe warming to Isak on the left. How could you not after tonight?

Court martial him. He's got to learn.

SPURS EQUALISE!

Spurs are peppering Man United's goal here. We could go 2 points clear if the North London Cowards can equalise.

Wilson: "I'm more of a natural 9, he's more of a wide player" when asked about Isak. Please Daddy Eddie!

If we'd done this to them last season they would have gone down. Whoever started the match thread on here last season is a CONVICTED RAPIST.

Like watching Brazil/Sunderland. Murphy can fuck off with that finish though.

There you go lads, the VAR offside decisions have been squared up. Everything's fair now and no one can have any complaints.

Isak on the left of a front 3 and Wilson in the middle. Howe has to give that a go, he's fucking unreal.

Wilson's hold-up play has been great tonight. He's got to be fucking livid about Isak pulling that playing in fast forward shit though.

Spurs pull one back. We want an equaliser there and we go clear in 3rd.

That is ridiculous from Isak. Fucking insane.