Gemmill

I've just rang an ambulance for you. Should I cancel?

It was essembee.

Only a matter of time before Adam P is co-comms on Sky for Newcastle games.

He can stick that bow and arrow thing up his arse mind. Get some bandages on and a Louis Vuitton hairnet.

Another bumbling goal.

Bruno holding his ankle during a pre season match. Oof.

It's a scene straight out of Oor Wullie. Willy and Soapie Soutar jumping over the kebab shop counter in one frame and the next frame is the two of them inexplicably wearing red cabbage wigs.

We're top 6 now lads. We're the rule makers.

I just think the perfect window doesn't exist. You take advantage of the opportunities to sign your targets as and when they present themselves. If you go into the window thinking you'll only buy targets in a certain order, you'll either end up with nothing or having to drop down your list of targets for each position to satisfy your sequencing requirement. Get what you can, when you can, and you'll be stronger when the window shuts, if not necessarily in all positions. I think Howe still wants a CB though. He's ruled out a CF on required price but said ideally he wants two more in, including Livramento.

Was just reading that story. It's funny but it's not just the mackems. Northumbrian Water needs its fucking arse kicking, the whole of the north east coast all the way up to Berwick was just a sea of tod a couple of weekends ago.

Nice one Yorkie-T. I've spent the last week in North Yorkshire BTW. Fucking lashed it down the whole time. Still a beautiful place though.

Bit of a concern that Howe was talking in the press conference about how little time there has been for training because of all the fan friendly stuff they had to do in America. I know the commercial stuff is massive for us but getting a proper pre season in is canny important too.

Is it 2-0 now then? I put it off at half time. Who got the second?

Great goal from Miggy, the one footed cunt.

Fiorentina can't get the ball off us. Anderson just ballooned one from outside the box. Only "chance" so far.

Yes thank you.

We'll have to think about a name change to Rapetastic if this continues.

You work in the private sector now mate, you don't need to justify "late lunch breaks" taken at 4pm to watch Netflix anymore. If you still worked for the NHS though I would have come down on you like a fucking TON OF BRICKS for this bullshit.

I see there are a number of convicted rapists posting on this page.

Aye new episodes released weekly starting next Friday.

The words "best manager ever" conspicuously absent from his Bruce tribute. Best holiday approver ever.

How did you end up KD's mam's FB friend?