Gemmill

You like looking up little boy's anuses. Received and understood.

Less of a miss than he would have been last season, which is a sign that we're turning into a proper football club.

Listen fuckface, I don't understand your Simpsons references because I don't watch cartoons.

That bitch had long since moved out. This was the house move us divorcees call THE DOWNSIZING.

That's Kenilworth Road.

I moved some of the plant pots from the garden. And when the smoking lass that was moving in turned up early and wanted to put something in the house, I carried that SHIRTLESS from the car for her.

Slightly higher profile transaction, PIGTAILS.

I don't know why Kane wouldn't just get on the plane. It increases the pressure on Levy not to be a bellend if he's actually in Munich, at his new club.

In the words of Tim Key, "Harry was gaping hard".

What a fucking prick that bloke is. The summer has been a nice break from my football hatreds, but I'm refreshed and ready to start calling that bizarrely-toothed cockend worse than shite every week.

Aye I've told my wife this is her Friday nights for the foreseeable. One hour episode, two hour debrief.

I used Sintons last time I moved. Wifey called Rukhsanah. She sorted out my move prior to that as well (don't get divorced if you don't like moving house). She's pretty good - good at getting back in touch and not ignoring you. It's all relative though, as Strawb says.

Not a great way to go into a season.

What a fucking prick he is.

I enjoy listening to Micah Richards piss himself laughing about Shearer and Lineker's trophy cabinets. This was funny as well: "How dare you come with that midfield?!"

It's decent. Shearer was saying he'd pay for a private jet for Kane to go to Bayern on it the other day. So he'll be thrilled about this.

OMG. Absolutely nailing it with a 2 day old tweet here. Ban, anyone?

I'd leave if I was him. Mainly to make it easier for Newcastle to get top 4. Come on Harry, do the right thing and fuck off.

They're stodge ensconcers.

Not a very buen dia for him.

I was probably SLAYING FANNY more like, D-Splash!

He must want to impress you.

"looks like word got round about their behaviour if their bus got bricked" One of them must have sent their match-going dog like fucking Skippy the Kangaroo. "Quinny, stop licking yer baals and listen up. I need you to get yourself over to the A1231 and round up some casuals to hoy a brick through a bus window. Quinny, are you listening, marra!? Whee do theese think they are man? Only US can sings about Adam Johnson. They need takkin in hand. Gan on son. The pride of Sunlun depends on it. "

Instant classic.

Ure a grown ass Man.