Gemmill

Blatant dive from Rashford. Penalty. VAR check complete. 3-2 Man United. Scandalous.

Pickford there. Holy shit he's fucking useless. The floppy haired exchange student Wolves have up front should have scored.

Wolves have one disallowed in the Dogshit Classico.

I blame No. 10, Lou Bega for Forest. Squaring to nobody when they had a man free in front of an open goal at the far post.

You wouldn't even be able to work out how to phrase your Google search for the kind of shit I pull off in Excel. I like the fact you're using the paperclip lad to do your powerpoints though. "It looks like you're fucking up ANOTHER presentation! Can I be of assistance?!"

Forest should've scored again there, the dickheads!

Everybody at my work is office based and sat at a computer all day, and every single one of them would claim to be able to use PowerPoint and Excel in a job interview. 90% of them I genuinely wouldn't consider to even have the basics down in Excel, and in PPT they'd only be able to do pig ugly slides of bullets (basically using it like Word in landscape mode). Genuinely man, don't let the mention of MS Office stuff make you think you shouldn't apply for a job. The people interviewing you will more than likely be barely proficient themselves.

You pipe down, bitchtits!

It'll be for dead basic reporting. Tables that add up from top to bottom and left to right. Which genuinely you could learn in a day on YouTube. They'll not be wanting you to do anything flash, I'm sure. Plus you can always come on here and get shown what to do by the experts. Wykiki is a stone cold dummy that is constantly asking questions on the Help forum when he's doing the scoreboards for his dogging league.

Made all the better by the arrogance with which that prick has gone about his business.

Forest 2 up at Old Trafford.

You could do a beginners course in excel using YouTube and be better than most of the people you'll be working with. I still work with gormless cunts who sit in front of an Excel spreadsheet, tapping things into the calculator on their phone, and typing the answers into excel.

Spain delivering an absolute clinic in how to ruin a World Cup win.

When did Cookie Monster sign for Everton?!

HEAR YE, HEAR YE! If Everton lose against Wolves today, then the GREAT RELEGATION PREDICTION is...... back...... ON!

Best thing about this week's episode of We Are United was the little kid, about 8 or something, who was talking about how much he loves the club and came out with the line "The summer'll be good, hot tubs 'n' that."

He's lost some weight!

Nice one Fist, sounds like a canny way to end the week.

I'm two thirds of the way through this now (I'm an excellent reader) and it's good stuff.

You should have had the headband and put him in pigtails. Also wheres the fucking bandages?!

What, and double the agony?!

I'm the same on holiday, I get properly maudlin on the last night, and two days after I'm home I'll sit and imagine some cunt lying in my favourite lounger while I'm getting ready for work. It's a ridiculous way we all live our lives.

At least wait til you've arrived before you start dreading coming back.

Everton!

I tried reading my first ever fantasy stuff recently. The Mistborn Trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. I read the first two books and two thirds of the last one, about 1,900 pages in total, before deciding that I couldn't give a fuck how it all ended up. I can't tell you how much of a relief it was go to back to a real-world book where people have normal names and get up to normal shit.