Gemmill

Kyle Walker thinking he's a harlem globetrotter trying to backheel the ball from the byline in his own box.

Sheff United just equalised.

Man City have had so much possession it doesn't even add up to 100 anymore.

I think we've got a decent chance of beating these, but I'm genuinely terrified of shenanigans from the fucking clowns with the whistle and the big telly screen. Also, NBC are reporting that this could be Salah's last game for them. So the commentators will be fucking DESPERATE for that hairy little cunt to score.

Caulkin has been responding and the two have got into a very polite argument about it.

The video the club has put up of the players playing Guess Who? to guess fellow squad members. Miggy with a full board of faces looking at him and his first question is: Is the player a goalkeeper? No. ....miggy looks down at his board and flips the three goalkeepers face down. Isak asking "does he get to training early?" Lascelles: yes Gets to the end of the game and there's an inquest cos Isak flipped the correct answer (Murphy) face down in response to the above question. Murphy's stood going "I get there at 10 to 9 mate, that's early" "Yeah well some of us get there at 7!"

Guys, I hope I'm not pushing my luck here, but if one of you has 5 minutes to spare, I would really welcome the opportunity to read some more of these FUCKING IDENTICAL jokes about Everton predictions. Thank youuuuuu.

PL's true identity revealed.

😬😬😬

Congratulations PL!

I hope you had them coming on left to right with a screeching brake sound.

Right at the end of MOTD when they do the Sunday paper headlines, it reckons Man United are set to hand Ten Hag a 2 year contract extension. Yes please!

🎵 People all over the world, Pants down! Start a sausage train, a sausage train 🎵

Brian's brother doing alright in the World Championships pole vault atm.

Aye he's not gonna like having to listen to Antonio crowing again. West Ham joint top of the league.

Suck my balls, old timer! Ah-suck. Ah-my balls!

You should look into power BI for your visualisations. It's class. Excel is shite in comparison. You can just connect Power BI to your excel to consume the data but then do flash charts with slicers and time lines and shit. Yeah. You're jealous. You want to be me.

A genuine fucking lunatic. Good of her to stick the boot in on Sunak though.

West Ham 3 nil up on 17% possession. Oosh. Pleased to see Brighton get a beating.

I thought we spoke about this, BITCHTITS!

First time in Everton's history that they've lost the opening 3 games of the season without scoring a goal. And with that...their fate was sealed. Everton Football Club WILL be relegated from the Premier League THIS SEASON.

WOLVES!

Fulham!

This and the opening day vs Wolves. Old Trafford decisions. On the plus side, the Mekon will keep his job and these will remain fucking shite! Scraping past Forest at home.