Gemmill

Looking like a bad day for baldy Derek. 2-0 Brighton.

The whole of the ball is two inches over the whole of the line and the commentators are trying to say that it might not be when looking at the VAR footage.

Disallowed. I still expect an apology.

This is what happens when you criticise my assessment of a game. Apologise. For the criticism and the equaliser.

3-2 to us.

Get in Brighton. They've been nowhere in the game so far.

Like an Alan Bennett play.

That Cunha kid. Absolute sitter in the first half, jumped to head it and it hit him on the knee. Please talk me through how you thought that was a header.

Dear me.

Sancho not in the squad again for Man United. Interesting that Ten Hag was all set to welcome Greenwood back in the squad, but you better not turn up late for training.

Here we go again, the spawny cunts.

Aye, I'm absolutely not convinced that last season's Liverpool is a thing of the past. They've been dominated by Wolves so far. If Wolves could finish they'd be out of sight.

Wolves should be two or three ahead.

Get in! Jurgen, show us yer teeth Jurgen, Jurgen, show us yer teeth

FUCKING HOWAY WOLVES!

Looks like Russell Brand is about to have his #metoo moment on C4 Dispatches tonight. He's already posting preemptive denials online.

Spatial awareness. Have you ever seen one try and reverse park.

Go on, scurry off and text all your WhatsApp football trivia groups. You're welcome.

Well this really BLEW UP. The big trivia lads must be offline at the minute. Anyway I'm gonna put you out of your misery. The answer is Traore.

Here's some trivia for you. No googling. What is currently the most common surname in the Premier League?

She needs to ease off the triceps extensions. Woman is HENCH.

Time for lift-off.