Gemmill

In which Elizabeth Perkins plays possibly the most likeable paedophile in cinematic history.

An Abu-Dhabi backed fund is about to take control of the Telegraph after agreeing a deal to repay its debts. Ooo lordy.

The tickets episode.

Watch your step.

Nobody would, baby.

Look at those CHEEKS

Imagine the state of his Portobello Bell in these days. Like a button mushroom on a bed of Golden Virginia.

Glad I kept those contemporaneous notes.

"Average Toontastic poster 'clearly bamboozled' and 'confused' about basic maths"

I miss mine, but I wouldn't miss your Cilla Black setup, chuck.

Actually, fuck that, it's the Flashing Blade!

Like a young Billy Hardy.

Don't come the raw prawn with me, "Australian" boy!

Tom that's fucking mint, what a class experience. When's the next tour?!

How do you feel this thread is working out for you, RobinRobin?

What the fuck is this, stalker boy?

Not as harsh as expected. I'm sure I've bored the fuck out of you with this before but I was on an internal flight in America not long after Love Actually came out, and the stewardesses were accusing me of being that Kris Marshall lad, and would NOT have it that I wasn't. I hadn't seen the film so I didn't know who the fuck they were talking about and in the end one of them was like "will you just sign some stuff and say you are him"

Am I gonna have to put on some remedial maths workshops.

You don't know how to feel shame? Well it's just as well after what's gone on here today.

USE TAGS GRANDPA! @Renton The amount of effort I'm putting into keeping this show on the road. Please remember the efforts you all made for my great game that I invented. Then take a bit of time to reflect. And sit in the shame like a fucking dirty nappy.

Very simple rules. Not simple enough apparently.

Oof. Another poster volunteering for the thick bin. Getting busy in there!

A ruddy complexion. Significant rosacea on the cheeks. A number of thick black hairs sprouting on his nose (not from in his nose, ON that fucking thing). Bald on the top of his head, but sporting the classic hair horseshoe on the back and sides. Slightly cross-eyed. Nothing outrageous, just enough to make you keep checking over your shoulder when you're talking to him. I think that'll do. I nominate: @Howmanheyman To do a hatchet job on @PaddockLad

You're all still very welcome to play that game. If you weren't such fucking neck-enders you'd be jumping at the chance to get in on the ground floor of a new cultural phenomenon. The next Wordle.