Gemmill

I'm absolutely thrilled to report that Sir Jim Ratcliffe is very much adopting a "GUYS! We're Manchester United. Just hand him over." approach. I'm sure this will endear him to our lot. "I won't get dragged into that, but first allow me to get dragged into that." Cunt.

It could be worse.

To your point. This one is coming down the line:

Looking forward to some Still Ill based chants. A load of MLFs going to the match with daffodils in their back pockets. And being racist too.

PAGING @wykikitoon Motorist behaving badly itt. We need a ruling.

Been up a pig's arse, I reckon. The grass.

Kyril reaction shots: "But if there's a Championship club that's ambitious... ... wants to work in the right way... .... And be open and honest about things... ... I'd love to do that."

Fair play to THE CREASE.

In the words of Alan Partridge: LIAQUAT FOOTBALL!

Am I being deepfaked here?

Apparently Bruno made ZERO tackles in the last game. Cant get booked if you don't tackle anyone.

GMB hosting a debate between two blokes dressed like Grand Theft Auto NPCs about wfh ffs.

Mate, you work for the Daily Telegraph.

Every time I see Atkins on the telly she seems so far out of her depth. This was the case when she had more junior roles, but somehow she's been promoted to Health Secretary. There can't be anyone watching this that thinks she's impressive. Fair play to Sally Nugent though, who appears to have had a boob job.

They haven't made quite as public a show as that though. I'm pleased Grant Shapps was on board for the test though, the fucking helmet. Seems fitting.

I believe they've now written off promotion this season, very kindly stepping aside to allow the teams ranging from 7 to 31 points ahead of them a fair crack.

Middle ground probably saves us a million quid. Not a great incentive for it. Every month that comes off his GL is way more valuable to them than it is to us.

Lots of talk from Caulkin of anger from within the club at Man United's behaviour and the way Ashworth has handled himself. I hope they come in to negotiations with a similar "We're Man United, guys" attitude.

Given the geopolitical situation, us finding out that our nuclear deterrent doesn't work can't be great news.

Well I don't think anyone saw this coming....

Have you just murdered him? Cos I can't see it reported anywhere.